Need help and advice - things are not good.

[tutu100]

need help and advice to see if there is anything I am not doing or could be doing as we are not coping financially. DP works in on the face of it what seems to be a well paid job. And it would be if we didn't live in the south where property prices are high (although we live in the cheapest area in our city). Dp has to commute the 18 miles to work as there is no way we could afford to live near his job (very affluent city). He rides a motorbike though which really keeps petrol costs down compared to if he took the car. We do have a car, although it tends to only get used at weekends. It is 18 years old, so not worth anything and doesn't cost much to run.

DP has not had a payrise for several years. He is in a job where the hours are long, but it is salaried so no chance for overtime. I do not work partly through looking after the children (child care costs make it unfeasible), but also because atm I have mental health issues which mean I can't work.

As our income is classed as good we are not entitled to any benefits other than child benefit and we have had our tax credits cut down to what I think is the minimum and apparently next year we won't get them anymore.

We have been struggling for the last 18 months, but luckily had savings which we kept dipping into to make up the short fall. However at the rate we are going we only have 2 months worth of money in the savings and then it's gone.

Also I have been able to cope food wise because we've always had a pretty well stocked up cupboard and freezer, but even those supplies have depleted and now no longer get replaced.

Basically I need suggestions of where else I can cut spending so it matches our income.

We have no debts at all (other than mortgage), dp has made sure all our suppliers for things like gas, electric, insurance etc are the cheapest. We already shop at Aldi, and have always used car boots as a source of clothes and toys for the children.

DP and I don't buy anything for ourselves unless it is absolutely necessary. We don't go out either.

I feel really bad asking for suggestions because on the face of it DP earns what should be a good income but it just doesn't seem to be enough to live on anymore.

Defo look into DLA.

I know you said dh has looked at gas, elec etc however tgese need to be reviewed regularly so when was tge last time?

Would you be better off renting? The things you mention would then be done to your landlord and it could just take tgat bit of pressure off.

Hi
Definitely look into DLA. It is not means tested.

Is there no chance you could move and your dh could commute, staying over Tue and wed, and working from home Mon and Fri? I know you said you rely on family, and it would depend on house prices as to whether thi is even an option, but worth considering?

Only trying to help, if you carry on as you are you are going to lose everything.

Oh do shut up katspaw. If OP is ill she is ill. Would you tell her to go out and get a job and risk her health and possibly her life if she had say MS or a heart condition ?
No ofcourse you wouldnt. Im sure the OP can do without your ignorance right now. Im really hoping you dont work in any medically related field after coming out with rubbish like that.

OP can you sell up and rent for a bit by any chance ?

Katspaw, we're not going to loose everything certainly not for a while and I am trying to do everything I can to avoid this hence this thread, but what has been our safety cushion has now gone. I was asking for help as I was hoping that someone would be able to point out something we have missed.

Believe me it it was a simple as pulling myself together and getting a job I would have done that a long time ago. I felt your post almost blamed me and the way I am for our financial situation which is not completely true as even if I was fine, there is no guarentee I would be able to find a job as atm round here jobs are very scarce.

Moving isn't really an option as we would have to move quite a distance to find somewhere cheaper than what we own. Also there is no equity in the house so even if we sold we would probably loose money when it came to adding in selling costs. Although Ohnomyfanjo, you are right if we rented we would be ok financially as it is the upkeep of the house which is what pushes us over our income, but as I say even if we sold we would probably end up owing money and having no deposit.

Dp moved the gas and electric 3 weeks ago. Insurance is up for renewal in September so will look into getting a policy with a lower interest rate then.

For the moment food will be cut back on. A very kind mumsnetter messaged me a £30 a week menu plan which I will be trying out. If it works that would save us around £60 a month. If I can make £40 selling stuff on ebay a month then that is potentially £100 a month which in theory should help cover any emergencies.

cross posted with you oiwheresthecoffee.

I would check other companies for better mortgage deals but if no success there I would rent. You may well get some help towards rent and/or council tax. No more maintenance issues, you could move nearer his work and reduce his hours that way.

Ah just seen the rent comment. Sorry i cant suggest anything more helpful.

Can you go interest only on all or part of your mortgage?

Tutu, sorry if I appear unkind but what is the point in carrying on as you are?

Other mumsnetters have wrongly taken the default line of faux-sympathy with the usual stuff about going to Aldi, selling the last of your belongings on ebay or trying to get more state handouts.

Forget benefits as they are a trap in their own right, robbing people of their self esteem and encouraging dependency.

The answer must be to conquer your mental issues and return to the work place, you will become healthier, stronger and more self-confident as well as getting on top of your financial issues.

Have you worked in the past?

What skills do you possess?

Which part of the country do you live?

How far are you from the nearest centre of population?

Ffs katspaw. Pretend the op has a broken leg that will take at least a year to heal. Then give advice. You cannot cure mental health issues by pulling yourself together.

katspaw I assume you have never had MH issues?

The problem with people who give advice like this is that it prevents people coming back and asking for advice.

The op is trying to deal with her problems, as some of us know all too well, it's a long road.
And being told to pull yourself together and get a job is the sort of advice that keeps people from asking for help.

The faux sympathy comes from people who appreciate and empathize will the ops situation and tring to suggest small ways to help.

And claiming DLA because you are unable to work is nothing to be ashamed off, these benefits are there for a reason. Again your comments make people ashamed to ask for the help they are entitled to.

Katspaw read the OP's posts. SHE CAN'T WORK!

I do direct sales from home for a greeting card company (not sure I can say which one on here). It helps with a little extra each month for school shoes and swimming lessons. Can you look into something like this?

While I don't agree with katspaw's "pull yourself together" attitude, she raises the point of, is there any work the OP can do from home? I'm thinking software development because that's what I know about but there are plenty of others. Would also sort out the "no jobs in area" problem. OP, do you feel you could do something like this, and as katspaw asks, what skilsl do you have?

Lord if only it were as easy as getting a job huh?!

I think your doing as much as you can do and in this climate it ain't easy is it.

I have just worked out when my maternity leave kicks in I'm going to be 200 pound short of the bill money never kind extra spends luckily its only for 9 months but it is causing me a lot of worry at a time when I'm already feeling quite vulnerable and it was my own choice to follow this path so I really feel for you. It's so disheartening.

Fwiw I'm a lurker on this topic daily for new ideas and I find bulk cooking and meal planning is my saving grace.

I will be selling all I can sell on eBay and selling pages and am having no spend days every day.

I would definitely check in to what your entitled to my DM has had terrible health problems and had no idea she was entitled to any help a visit to citizens advice helped her a great deal - she doesn't get much but it helps and unfortunately unless you know how the "system" works it can be very difficult to get the information of what is out there and what you could be entitled to.

I can sort of see what Katpaw is driving at - if you can't cut back any more eventually you are going to have to let go off the house. You say you have agrophobia, so could you perhaps get rid of the car until you get better and are able to get a job & go local or use taxis for family outings?

I completely disagree with katspaw and her pull yourself together mentality (mother, is it you?), but the one thing I will agree with is that you may be able to earn a little from home, if it is only or mainly leaving the house alone that stops you from working.

Proofreading? Exam paper marking?

At the moment I am classed as having agoraphobia, although I can now leave the house, but I can only go out if I have someone with me, and only to familiar places close to home. If I need to go food shopping for example the car has to be parked as close to the door of the shop as possible as when I'm out I need to be fairly near the car (or I panic), so selling the car isn't really an option as without that I would be even more limited with getting out the house.

With benefits, I doubt I am entitled to anything, but I am going to find out. It is not a long term plan, but if I do qualify for them then the ridiculous thing is I will be helped to try and find work when I am at a point ready to try it. I do not see me claiming them for long as I am trying to beat this.

I am hoping our current financial situation is fairly temporary. We currently go overdrawn by £100 to £200 a month and that is what I am trying to stop. What is making us go overdrawn is things needing to be repaired mainly on the house. This is why I was asking for help on where I may be able to reduce spending, every little thing does help and add up.

In a year or so's time our children will be a bit older (and hopefully sleeping better) and DP should be in a position to increase his wage through taking on extra responsibilities. In the meantime I am obviously hoping to get better and then depending on how well I am will depend on what sort of job I go for, although i will still be limited a bit by childcare.

I have a degree in social work and worked as a youth worker before I had children. Luckily in both these lines of work having had depression or some kind of mental health problem is virtually a job requirement! So this episode shouldn't affect my job chances once well. They like you have life experience as it tends to mean you can have empathy with those you are working with. Before I was ill I was a very capable, confident person who was very good at my job.

Stealthpolarbear, DP has suggested exam marking, do you know how I would go about finding out about it?

If I can work from home I would love to, even earning a little bit would help.

No, sorry I have no clue, but if you start a thread specifically you should get loads of advice.
Hope you recover soon and in th meantime look into Fla!

I'll try googling I think.

Look into proofreading. Your posts are well written. It won't pay very well but it would be something that fitted with circumstances.

what's that company which is reassessing everyone and making them all go back to work? I think katspaw works for them. :o good luck OP, hope you've found something useful here. x