Anyone else’s elderly parents still really stressed and anxious about the prospect of getting covid?

[Kizty]

Not even that elderly but early 70s and to be honest still not liking getting too close to people they don’t know when outdoors. Their level of anxiety is still quite high and it’s sad they can’t enjoy their retirement a bit more. Not really sure how they will cope once the new lifting off all restrictions takes place.

No. My parents are 76&81. They’re off to the Caribbean next week. They have the attitude that they aren’t wasting what could only be a few years shut away at home. PIL are similar tbh too.

Yes, still very worried. They're mid-70s, so not old enough to think they haven't got long left. A quite young member of our family died of it in the first wave and I think that's really scared them (as it did me).

We mostly only see them outside, only indoors with windows wide open and distanced. They won't go on public transport or to cafes and restaurants, only do what's absolutely necessary indoors, it's massively changed their life.

Whereas my MIL is slightly older (and actually at more risk medically) and is off on holiday abroad soon.

It’s just so sad. Fortunately my parents in their 70s are not like this. My Dad was the first in the pub when it opened and has been out when he can throughout the pandemic. They’ve also looked after grandchildren. My Mum had Covid in Dec and was fine after a week or so of fatigue. (And it’s a relief now she’s had it and was ok). Dad didn’t get it. My theory is due to his sociable nature he’d been exposed and built up some immunity. Or maybe had it asymptomatically. Some people are naturally immune too.

Studies in healthcare workers show they had high levels of antibodies even if they’ve never actually tested positive. Due to constant exposure.

I think we’ll come to realise locking ourselves away for years against all illness and germs isn’t a good thing. (Necessarily initially for a novel virus until vaccines).

They’re off to the Caribbean on a cruise next month. Living their lives. So sad that many others are still afraid. At that age you never know how long you have left and I can’t really understand shutting yourselves away from family and friends. What a life.

It is hard for them as it must be 10 weeks now since their booster. And I thought the theory was that you didn’t have much protection then. But then I assume it must give a fair bit of protection as otherwise hospitals would be overwhelmed now with elderly.

Even passing people in the street they still think other people are incredibly rude not to give space. The rest of the country is moving on and they will forever be stuck here. I guess until they get covid themselves.

I know 50 year old-ish, perfectly healthy adults that are like this! So sad to see and they even admit that their fear is irrational, but they still have so much anxiety around everything they do.

It annoys me on here when people are so scathing of anyone who is hiding in their house scared of the virus. Like as if they are better people because they are out and about being practical. Everyone has responded differently to the last couple of years. I don’t think anyone is at fault.

No. My parents are well into their 80s and after a hideous Christmas the year before where like many others the were home alone. They had their vaccines and boosters and are now out and about enjoying their lives.

This Christmas they were are the centre of the family celebrations. They both caught covid albeit very mildly but took the stance that life is for living and they don't want to be cooped up away for what ever time they have left. They both recovered quickly and are cracking on. Good for them too

I think we’ll come to realise locking ourselves away for years against all illness and germs isn’t a good thing. (Necessarily initially for a novel virus until vaccines).

Quite, @Delatron. My 60 year old boss the other day said she was just planning on wearing her surgical grade mask (the F whatsit one) forever because ‘then she could just avoid colds and things forever’. I stayed quiet but was a bit , it doesn’t sound to me like a very good idea.

My parents are 70 and 62. Mum’s relatively relaxed as she works in a school so reckons she’s been exposed to it so many times over, and I guess being around it so often it socialises you to feel less afraid.

Dad’s an interesting one as he’s CEV but has a few chronic conditions and essentially the last 10 years has had to live with the idea that he might not have long left. So far all his conditions seem under control but his attitude is like the older folk people talk about on this thread - life is for living, who knows what could happen tomorrow. Don’t get my wrong, I do sometimes wonder if him cuddling my germ bag of a 18mo daughter sometimes is a good idea, but who am I to tell a man with that outlook that he can’t hug his grandsaughter?

My family are out and about. My mum doesn't drive so had little choice but to use bus and taxis. She has flown and taken long distance trains too. My mother in law is similar although she can drive. Some good friends of hers though who are also early 70s won't even have a conversation outside with anyone. They cross to the other side of the road and shout a greeting but that's it. Their son is the same age as me (early 40s) and is best friends with my husband. He will go for a walk with us but stays six feet away the whole time. Our toddler son dropped his hat and our friend wouldn't even pick it up due to contamination fears. It's awful how afraid they are. Our friend's company is asking people to return to the office gradually and our friend is completely terrified of going back.

My mother is 84 and not worried. Her life has been really ruined in the past two years by having to stay at home due to lockdowns etc. Her younger friends are still more worried than she is.
I have a friend of 60 who won’t go to a cafe or a supermarket still.

Friend in her 60s with no vulnerabilities has seen no-one but her DS, who lives away but works from home, for two years now and sees no way that this will change in the foreseeable future while this "deadly virus" is about. Any relaxation in restrictions is treated with shock and despair.

I don't think it is any coincidence that she has basically stopped eating and I think in the end that she will be a COVID stat - albeit an indirect one.

Unfortunately covid has completely exacerbated the condition for those with health anxiety.
DM had it before covid- she was a doctor so every twinge was treated as worst case scenario - and it was mildly annoying, so they missed a trip to Madeira as DM had a panic attack, oh sorry stomach situation at the airport.

But the issue now is it's been so drummed into the elderly how deadly it is to go out, it's hard to get over that if you already had mild health anxiety and you're not that bothered about meals out or trips away.

Sounds awful but I'm not bringing DS when we visit to encourage them to come to us. Plus if she's genuinely that worried then DS 15 is the biggest risk factor being at school.

The older generation in my family, only aged about 70, are very covid anxious still. They want to talk about it all the time. Any new announcement of increase or decrease in restrictions stresses them out. They are terrified of catching it. When younger members of the family have caught it they have wept in fear. It’s very sad, it is restricting their life so much and making them miserable. I can’t say the right thing, so I try not to discuss it, and just meet up with them outside.

My 79yo grandfather isn't worried and is living as normal. He's said he's got no idea how many years he's got left now and he wants to enjoy them.

@AlexaShutUp

Yes, my mum and dad. It will be 2 years since I have been in their house next month. We used to see them a couple of times a week. We barely see them at all any more.

I'm really sad about it, for them and for us. I can't force them to see us if they aren't comfortable though.

Same here, now relegated to the garden only, so hardly see them especially in winter. We are all jabbed and had covid but still not allowed near.

They used to have a wonderful relationship with the grandchildren but it's dwindling beyond repair I feel.

My mum has never been anxious and has an attitude of what will be, will be. She is fairly healthy though for 70 yrs.
My ils are a bit older and have health concerns so are very anxious. They are managing to go out and walk to places with masks on constantly. I did suggest they could take them off walking in the park so they’re thinking about it.

@Kizty

It annoys me on here when people are so scathing of anyone who is hiding in their house scared of the virus. Like as if they are better people because they are out and about being practical. Everyone has responded differently to the last couple of years. I don’t think anyone is at fault.

I'm not sure most of the people replying to to your OP feel the same way. Their posts are fairly scathing and condescending towards to the elderly - actually, your post before this one seemed less benevolent.

What a horrible thread.

@DeedIDo

Friend in her 60s with no vulnerabilities has seen no-one but her DS, who lives away but works from home, for two years now and sees no way that this will change in the foreseeable future while this "deadly virus" is about. Any relaxation in restrictions is treated with shock and despair.

I don't think it is any coincidence that she has basically stopped eating and I think in the end that she will be a COVID stat - albeit an indirect one.

Yea I have a friend like this. It’s very sad.

@GreenClock

I’m finding that properly elderly people are not as worried as older-but-not-elderly types in their late 60s.

Maybe it’s because at 65-70 you are newly retired and expect to live for another decade or two, whereas at 85 or 90 you might think, “sod it - I’m taking my chances and enjoying life, I mightn’t have long left”.

Same. The ones I know who've been more cautious have tended to be in their 70s. Old enough to feel vulnerable, not old enough to have stopped giving a shit. The eightysomethings on the other hand, they want to make the most of their time.

I think that’s a fair assessment marchcrocus and it seems to be most peoples experience on this thread

My mother is a bit like this but she was even before coronavirus. She would never choose to stay away from home and is convinced that even a cold will kill her (she's mid 70s but has been like this since she was in her 50s). I suspect that she has mild agrophobia.

If someone is choosing to be extremely cautious (and is happy about it), that is up to them. What irritates is when people are utterly horrified to hear that others are choosing to do things that they themselves don't want to do. At one point there was a survey done and about a quarter of all those surveyed (probably a self selecting group) said they wanted all nightclubs shut down forever. Presumably they don't like nightclubs so are happy that others can't go to them (my clubbing days are well past me).

Yes, my DM. She’d love to have everyone locked down for ever, it would make her feel better if we were all as miserable as her

DM is 80s and the change is more in the difficulty of mustering the mental and physical energy to resume life to where she left off in 2019, not helped by being stuck in stalemate with the NHS that was dragging its heels long before the Covid disruption. She and her friends used to be out a lot at night for theatre and meals. They are heading out in the day, and there are mumblings about getting out a bit more as the evenings lengthen.
On Covid itself it's more "for the grace of God go I". Some of her friends died suddenly of illnesses like cancer when they were being very cautious in 2020. Some relatively forseeable, some more shocking.

The most cautious person I know is late 50s, very healthy and still thinks going into someone else's house or having visitors is far too risky to countenance. This is despite his teenagers having barely symptomatic illness in the autumn and failing to super-spread. He's of the type that sees only the benefit in shutting pubs, theatres, clubs etc because it doesn't impinge on his little world at all.
And yes, I'm scathing about people with this attitude who want to bolster their hugely inflated sense of risk by inhibiting the lives of other people and can't see any pitfalls with that.

Hmm, yes I believe my mum is. She is still washing down her shopping delivery, wearing a mask when she goes on the bus to the shops.

Mutters about people not wearing masks, but will however, quite happily sit in a coffee shop for an hour or so and read her magazine, meet friends for lunch in a restaurant/pub, it's almost as if in her mind, you can't catch it in the coffee shop.

I've been out out, once, at Xmas to our works do. One of my coworkers tested positive the next morning, well that what you get for socialising, she said. I wasn't allowed to go see her for 10 days. Fair enough, but she doesn't seem to get, that she's sees more people than, I do when she's out and about.

@BogRollBOGOF

The most cautious person I know is late 50s, very healthy and still thinks going into someone else's house or having visitors is far too risky to countenance. This is despite his teenagers having barely symptomatic illness in the autumn and failing to super-spread. He's of the type that sees only the benefit in shutting pubs, theatres, clubs etc because it doesn't impinge on his little world at all.

And yes, I'm scathing about people with this attitude who want to bolster their hugely inflated sense of risk by inhibiting the lives of other people and can't see any pitfalls with that.

If this person actually exists, when you say "he's the type" are you making a generalisation about him? Has he ever said anything like this? And how would you know his personal medical details? I'm always curious when posters mention things like this. I only know these types of details about my DH and perhaps my closest family. That's it.