To feel at wits end with anti vax relative

[pinkmink]

My father is an anti vaxxer. He has had one vaccine but is refusing the rest, I’m not sure why.

My 90 year old grandad is due to spend Christmas with us. He is triple vaxxed. Arrives Christmas Eve morning.

My anti vax dad has refused to take a PCR test this week. The plan was to do lateral flows on Xmas eve morning, before granddad arrives. Dad has now announced he wants to go Christmas shopping and to the pub on Christmas Eve. This means he will return to the house, potentially bringing the virus.

AIBU to feel absolutely at my wits end? I am upset by the lack of consideration for others.

How is he anti vax if he has had a vaccine?

Strange that he won’t take a lateral flow though especially if he’s had one

YANBU. So he’s not just an antivaxxer, but a Covid-denialist and so even more completely deluded/selfish. Are you considering telling him not to come, assuming you’re hosting?

Does dad live with you. If not just tell him he cannot come to yours for Christmas

Why does he need a PCR? Does he have symptoms?

Sorry, he might still agree to lateral flow. He just declined to get a (more sensitive) PCR this week which I’d suggested given he is more likely to have the virus. Didn’t realise the difference, but yea guess he is a covid denier.

If he hasn’t got symptoms, he’s right not to go and get a PCR.

Just let your Dad live his own life, it’s up to him what he does, and it’s up to your grandad whether he wants to accept the risk of seeing someone that went to a pub the day before.

What's the problem with telling your dad that if he's going out to the pub Christmas Eve then he's not coming to yours Christmas Day when grandad is there?

His choice.

You get to set any rules you like in your own home - and if people don't like it then they don't have to come.

I would tell dad that he can't come.

It's not fair to your grandad.

Even three jabs are not full proof against Omicron, they only offer up to 70% protection.

Your dad's 1st jab is now utterly, utterly meaningless.

@pinkmink

Sorry, he might still agree to lateral flow. He just declined to get a (more sensitive) PCR this week which I’d suggested given he is more likely to have the virus. Didn’t realise the difference, but yea guess he is a covid denier.

You don’t sound like you really understand it yourself tbh. You take a PCR when you have symptoms, not when “more likely” to have the virus (what does that even mean?)

A PCR is more sensitive and will pick up virus that lateral flow does not. Attached pic from The Times.

OP, please try to see things in perspective.

What are the Covid stats like for your area? A look on Google will tell you for your unique area.

Chances are he doesn't have the virus and won't be bringing it into your house. Even with all the jabs and booster it isn't foolproof.

Have you asked your Granda how he feels about it? Is he willing to see your dad, and take the (potential) risk?

If your dad had symptoms I'd be in agreement with you, but if he's a picture of health I'd be getting back in my box and being quiet about it all.

@pinkmink

A PCR is more sensitive and will pick up virus that lateral flow does not. Attached pic from The Times.

OP, read the NHS website: www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/testing/get-tested-for-coronavirus/

I have asked my dad to make sure my grandad knows his plans, as then grandad will decide. Dad thought it was unusual / surprising to even mention it. I’d argue that many people would assume others are cutting down contacts this week.

You don’t take a PCR with no symptoms. Am confused why you want him to do that. An LFT - fine - we will be doing them before going to parents (and have been all week, because I don’t really want to know that Christmas is cancelled on the morning of).

Also at this stage I doubt he’d get results back in time anyway,

PCR is more sensitive and will pick up virus that lateral flow does not.

Which doesnt change that PCR tests are for use if you are a) symptomatic b)confirming at lft c) a close contact of a positive case.

Is your father one of those?

The anti vac thing would annoy/frustrate me. The pcr thing is a separate point and yabu to expect him to take one at government expense.

Your dad is unlikely to catch covid in the pub as the pubs are empty. Unlike Tesco which has a queue of 40 people outside. --

My dd works for Wetherspoons and they've reduced everyone's shifts as there's no one going out. My other half has also just come back from the local and says it's dead.

OP...you simply can't insist that people tell lies in order to get a PCR test!!! Because that's what you're asking 🤦‍♀️

You can't even book a PCR test without clicking 'yes' to the list of symptoms that you are displaying...so you're asking people to lie, and say that 'yes' they are displaying them!

Also, if you do lie, and book your PCR test for Christmas Eve...you are most likely not going to get the results for a few days! Currently in my area, it's so busy that we are up to between 3 and 5 days for the results...by which point it's actually pretty pointless.

YABU to insist on a PCR. A lateral flow, however, is fairly standard procedure in these times 👍

Ask him to do a lft, if he won’t uninvite him.

Firstly, YABU for calling someone who's had vaccines an anti-vaxxer. This term just being thrown around at the moment is really starting to piss me off. Please look up the term anti-vaxxer.

Secondly, YABU for wanting him to do a PCR test which is currently already under pressure from increased suspected cases / symptoms & I don't think anyone should be doing them at the moment unless they need to of course so they can clear the backlog for those who do actually need them.

YANBU to ask him to at least do a LF for peace of mind for everyone attending.

He’s not an anti vaxxer!

He had one. Hadn’t shared his reasons for not getting another which rather suggests he’s not sharing fake news and conspiracy theories or putting others off getting their vaccines.

I know people who had such horrible reactions to their two vaccines they won’t be getting their boosters. For now they count as fully vaccinated but presumably from some point in January that will change and 3 will become the required amount. They won’t suddenly become anti vaxxers.

He should do a LFT and he should be honest with older relatives about the amount he is socialising and leave it up to them to make an informed decision, that is all we owe anyone.

I will insist on a lateral flow.

For those who said he isn’t an anti vaxxer - I don’t know if anti vaxxer or covid denier is more accurate, but he is sharing fake news and conspiracy theories. Latest one is apparently we are more likely to get covid if triple jabbed.

My work had a Xmas party out last week, 14 of us. We ALL did lateral flows and all negative.

Half of us now have covid. You have to think about the servers and people in the pub etc.

I’d tell your dad not to come and stick with your grandad.

Re: going out Christmas Eve, if he is in contact with anyone positive that day, he isn't going to be infectious by Christmas Day.

That's not to say I agree with his stance at all.

He's being selfish but tobease your worries he won't be contagious for a few days after his exposure anyway.