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Original poster

Cancelling Christmas plans due to family disagreements

44 replies

violetanemone · 20/12/2021 17:31

I am strongly considering cancelling plans to spend Christmas with my family and just wanted some opinions on this/ whether IABU.

I live a long way from my family - like a 6 hour drive - but very close to them emotionally. 15 people coming for Christmas dinner at my parents place, which I didn't make it to last year because of Covid - I was devastated about this as I love my family Christmas.

There are 4 people in my family who are unvaccinated/ anti-vaxers. My mum was adamant that she is going to make sure everyone does an LFT on the day - fine, I was happy with that.

Now though my older brother (unvaccinated) has a sore throat - I had to ring up and make a massive fuss in order to convince him to go for a PCR. He otherwise wouldn't have bothered and is now saying "I'm only doing it because you're moaning so much". Mum also thinks I've made a massive fuss about this and am overly worried.

I also talked to my (anti-vax) cousin about doing an LFT on the day before she comes up - she said my mum hasn't mentioned it to her - made me look stupid and also like I'm making a big fuss. Annoyed with my mum for lying to me.

My other brother (also unvaccinated) also had Covid about a week ago - he insists it will be 10 days by Christmas but I don't know if he's lying because he doesn't want to miss Christmas. He has definitely seen my mum since anyway and they have hugged etc.

I care about all these people a lot, and I know they'll all be upset if I don't go for Christmas, but at the same time they all think I am making a big fuss over nothing. I literally just want them to follow the guidance and I don't see that it's such a big ask, but I'm made to loudly argue my point in order to get anywhere. It's horrible.

We have plans to spend new year with friends (also a much needed catch up after a long time apart) and I'm worried about ruining this by catching Covid from my idiot family members. My friends take it seriously and we will definitely be testing before going there - if we have it we will miss the celebration.

So, at would you do?

My mum will be devastated if I cancel but I don't feel like I am being respected or taken seriously, and I just don't trust my own family. It's horrible to feel this way just before Christmas :( I'm so stressed about it all.

OP posts:
SleighbellsZ · 20/12/2021 17:44

I would go tbh.

Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 17:51

@SleighbellsZ

I would go tbh.
Thanks @SleighbellsZ I do really want to.

They live in an area of the country which is very insular and people aren't really taking Covid seriously.

I guess I am just feeling frustrated and I hate having all this atmosphere surrounding Christmas.

OP posts:
Delatron · 20/12/2021 17:57

I think most people are being careful and doing LFTs to protect vulnerable family members. If your mum is happy with the risk then I would just go. You’ve done all you can. Unless you’re vulnerable.

Delatron · 20/12/2021 17:58

Just reread about NYE. I’d work out which was most important to me.

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/12/2021 18:00

Assuming you aren’t vulnerable, I’d go if you want to, but if you really don’t want to miss new year - could you have a nice Christmas elsewhere? I wouldn’t feel bad for choosing that, as they are ignoring guidelines etc.

Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 18:01

@Delatron

Just reread about NYE. I’d work out which was most important to me.
Yeah, that's what's really tricky! Because the family Christmas is probably (marginally) more important to me... but my partner's family are going to be there at NYE as are lots of mutual friends, so he will be gutted if that gets ruined :(

I just feel like such a killjoy nagging my family... but now I'm actually really annoyed at them as well so almost tempted to say fuck it and not go.

OP posts:
Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 18:02

@Luredbyapomegranate

Assuming you aren’t vulnerable, I’d go if you want to, but if you really don’t want to miss new year - could you have a nice Christmas elsewhere? I wouldn’t feel bad for choosing that, as they are ignoring guidelines etc.
Yes we could go to the place we are going for NYE over Christmas as well and would be welcome there. My family would be devastated (especially the ones who actually are following guidelines) and would think I am being over dramatic, though.
OP posts:
cansu · 20/12/2021 18:03

NYE is highly likely to be called off anyway so I would go to your family.

SeasonFinale · 20/12/2021 18:04

I would not go for Christmas. They have no respect for you.

Delatron · 20/12/2021 18:05

I think if you feel like you won’t enjoy it and you’ll be stressed I think you can duck out and protect NYE.

Your older brother with the sore throat is more of a risk than the brother with Covid last week. Unless he has a negative PCR I think there’s a risk there.

Remmy123 · 20/12/2021 18:09

I would go

Why are you asking only the unvaccinated to do tests though?

girlmom21 · 20/12/2021 18:11

I don't think you're as close with your family as you claim if you're questioning to go because someone won't do a LFT ffs

Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 23:10

@Remmy123

I would go

Why are you asking only the unvaccinated to do tests though?

We're not. Everyone is doing tests but obviously those who are unvaccinated/ anti-vax are the ones who are more reluctant to comply and the ones who are more likely to spread it, therefore more of a concern in every way.
OP posts:
Dozer · 20/12/2021 23:13

Pointless nagging them. Presume your main concern is the risk to your mum and other older relatives? Your mum is clearly going to take that risk whether or not you attend.

Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 23:13

@girlmom21

I don't think you're as close with your family as you claim if you're questioning to go because someone won't do a LFT ffs
As mentioned in my post, if people don't test and pass Covid to us then that would have the knock-on effect of ruining my partner's chance to see his family.

I would have a huge sense of guilt if my irresponsible family members ruined his chance to see his family, and our new year with friends.

It's not about ME caring about getting Covid, I'm not vulnerable and I'm sure I would be fine. It's about the knock on effect that then has on other people.

OP posts:
Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 23:14

@Dozer

Pointless nagging them. Presume your main concern is the risk to your mum and other older relatives? Your mum is clearly going to take that risk whether or not you attend.
No, my main concern is that my family members who are too inconsiderate to do a simple test will ruin my partner's chance to then see his family.
OP posts:
Dozer · 20/12/2021 23:15

OK so your main concern is the risk of your DP and yourself missing out on seeing his family and friends.

So it comes down to your risk appetite. If one or both of you work out of the home, have DC in school, go to places indoors, there is day to day risk.

Dozer · 20/12/2021 23:16

Your family members have been honest, so it’s entirely down to you and DP what you decide to do. Nagging them is pointless.

Original poster
violetanemone · 20/12/2021 23:20

@Dozer Yes, I know that. It doesn't make it any less frustrating that they won't have the consideration to do a simple test in order to alleviate this risk. What is wrong with people?

I am devastated that this is causing such friction over Christmas, all for the sake of sticking a little cotton swab up your nose ffs. Why don't people just do it? Confused I'm not surprised this virus is rife the way people are acting, people are being absolutely idiotic including my own family.

OP posts:
Pippapeppa · 21/12/2021 04:48

It's so interesting reading different people's approaches. I'm one of LFT and if negative then carry on (open a window, be aware of personal space etc) however my family are looking at cancelling plans altogether for Xmas due to the rising cases. Which makes me very sad, we're all double if not triple jabbed bar one.
I think in you case OP I would carry on as planned, keep doing your LFTs especially before the NYE gathering and try to make the most of it. At least it sounds like your going to get a celebration.
All you can do is be responsible for you own actions and I think regular LFTs over the festive period ticks the box.

Notonthestairs · 21/12/2021 06:31

Is your boyfriend going with you to your family or are you celebrating separately and then getting together.

I think you need to sit down and work out a range of "what happens if..." - he needs to decide whether to sacrifice Christmas to preserve NY etc.

Your family clearly can't be arsed to test so it will be down to you.

Original poster
violetanemone · 21/12/2021 07:11

Thank you everyone who has replied. Had a good chat with my partner last night and we're going to go ahead. He's very worried that it will result in his family get together being cancelled if we do get Covid, but said at this point there is really not a lot we can do without making a massive scene.

Hopefully if that happens, it will cause my family to reflect and think more seriously about it. And if it doesn't happen, well, great.

It's just sad that people aren't more considerate and that such a simple request from their own family member causes so much drama :(

@Pippapeppa I hope your celebrations go ahead, it sounds like your family are being a lot more careful than mine! x

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 21/12/2021 07:18

See that your decision is made OP I would say everyone has their own acceptability level of risk.

We are content to LFT before travelling to see family but no way on earth am I testing my 2 nearly 3 year old which a friend requested we did before an event. He's already traumatised by having to have PCRs for the Dr when ill.

I was called unreasonable and selfish for this response and we simply didn't attend the event despite the friend knowing he already had recovered from covid.

Everyone's risk and comfort level is different.

Bubblty · 21/12/2021 07:21

Only you can decide what you are comfortable with.

Jacaranda75 · 21/12/2021 07:21

I would NOT go. My time is precious, I do not want to spend it with stupid, unvaccinated people.

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