Education or Contact with Father? DD can’t have both if school closes

[CantHaveBothChooseone]

ExH will not see DD for the court ordered contact if the schools close and she is offered a place under vulnerable child (she has SN and an EHCP and school support plan). She’s 7, school year 3.

He has his reasons which are his but due to this DD can’t have both. So either her relationship with her father suffers or her education does as her SN means she can’t access home learning.

He refuses phone contact when he doesn’t see her (its written into the CAO that he can have it twice per week but he never speaks to her, even though I make her available) so she could go 6, 8, 12 weeks or longer without speaking to him – we’ve only just settled her back into a contact routine again as he only normally has EOW for 1 night contact so she’s only stayed with him about 18 times since the last lockdown as he doesn’t have contact at his house (his own choice, he lives a few hours away and comes back to the area and has her overnight at another house, he couldn’t take her there in lockdown due to the restrictions) so she didn’t see him at all between November 2020 and March 2021.

I’m leaning one way but won’t say which way right now.

She suffered so badly not seeing him last time and has taken ages to settle back into the routine, but she also suffered education wise as she couldn’t access home learning (didn’t have EHCP or SSP until June for reasons not down to school, her teachers tried to get her a place but the HT kept saying no).

So WWYD? Contact or education?

I’m planning this now in the hope I don’t have to enact my plan, but I like to be organised.

@Whinge

I’m leaning one way but won’t say which way right now.

Also you don't need to say which side you're leaning towards. No one in their right mind would prioritise contact with him over her education. Especially as it's been so sporadic for the last 2 years, and he refuses to phone or facetime when he doesn't see her.

@Whinge I'm not sure which way you think I'm leaning.

I was leaning more towards school but it is in the back of my mind about how much it will affect her whichever decision I make.

It's obvious you're leaning towards school, I thought my reply made that clear? As I said, no one would prioritise comtact with him over her education, as it's clear he just doesn't give a shit about her.

@Whinge

It's obvious you're leaning towards school, I thought my reply made that clear? As I said, no one would prioritise comtact with him over her education, as it's clear he just doesn't give a shit about her.

Sorry I thought you were calling me out of my mind as you thought I was leaning towards contact.

Thank you.

Well I wouldn't prioritise contact with someone who isn't willing to prioritise seeing her. School it is!

Her dad sounds like a cunt. I've no idea wtf you'd prioritise him.

Sorry I thought you were calling me out of my mind as you thought I was leaning towards contact.

You'd be out of your mind if you were.

You're definitely making the right decision to prioritise her education, it's much more important than contact with someone who doesn't make any effort to see her or maintain contact.

Education over this man every time.

How much would she understand? Have to got any support eg via the SENCO with the whole situation?

It is actually his choice to make. You prioritise education as it gives her security, routine, social interaction and supports her additional needs. He could choose to make contact work, virtually or in person, but can't be bothered.

When you say she suffered not seeing him last year, what do you mean?

He sounds awful. School!

@JanglyBeads

When you say she suffered not seeing him last year, what do you mean?

@JanglyBeads She started saying no-one want her, that she must be an awful person because her dad didn't want her, cried herself to sleep every night. Even went as far as saying she wanted to live with daddy so she could see him all the time (and yes he'd be up for that, he tried it in court saying he'd give up work to see her).