Who's partners are still working from home? How are you finding it?

[Wintersnuggles10]

I am struggling with this so much. I have no right to complain at all but its hard and I have no where else to moan!
My husband worked out of the home every day before covid. Then it swapped to working from home where possible through 2020. It was so so tough having 2 kids off homeschooling and him working from home expecting absolute silence during his meetings etc. Luckily I'm a sahm so didn't have to worry about my work on that front. It was just something we all had to get through wasn't it? I didn't think it would be for long.
Life slowly returned more back to normal, kids went back, and husband decided he was going to work from home probably 95% of the time. He will go in now and again as he is senior management at a food production company. But he mostly chooses not to.for no reason apart from laziness which he admits. He has become extremely lazy. He doesn't get dressed or shower very often. He sits on the sofa under a blanket with his laptop and basically never moves. Never leaves the house. I feel absolutely smothered.
Before covid I suffered with depression and anxiety. Covid made it a lot worse. I am very introverted and I get very mentally drained being around people for a long time. I have to spend an hour or so by myself every now and again to reset myself and then I'm OK for another few days. Now I can't do this at all because there is always someone here. I have no life of my own because I don't work.
My son has just recovered from covid so I've had all that to deal with. Due back to school tomorrow. I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Then it snowed. Now husband saying I'll stay home this week when he had planned on going in for a couple of days. I feel like screaming. I've had to come upstairs for a few mins. I feel terrible saying I don't want my own husband here! It's not his fault! Bit work and homelife should be kept seperate. It's just ground hog day with no end to it

We seem to have mainly settled into a routine. Dh finally accepting that to get all my work done in the time dc are at school that I don't have time for the long coffee and lunchtimes that his work seems to consist of. The only remaining problem is that I think the washing up fairy from his work hasn't got the memo that he is working at home now and so doesn't visit him here.

Oh and yes I would try to find a job, somewhere in a quiet little office out of the house 2-3 days a week and vacuum the sitting room about 9.30am on your day off to scare him out of the living room. Maybe plough some of your wages into making the spare room more comfortable for him so he is tempted into there.

I was chatting with someone who says they had nearly come to blows with her Dh over the “Where are you going?” thing. My Dh does that too. It’s not in any way malicious or controlling, just that the study is by the front door so that he is like the receptionist now hmm. The other annoyance is “What’s for lunch?” I don’t want lunch! It’s not a thing!

This. I don't often bother with lunch, usually just have a late breakfast of yoghurt and fruit but men seem to like the rigidity of set meals.

Generally it's ok for us but I do get irritated when I'm in the middle of doing something (not necessarily to do with work, I tend to do that in the evening) and he comes downstairs to rant about someone who he's been in a meeting with. I think very few couples thrive when they're together all the time, you run out of things to talk about for one thing. DH was away overnight last week and I won't lie, I did quite enjoy it.

He has become extremely lazy. He doesn't get dressed or shower very often. He sits on the sofa under a blanket with his laptop and basically never moves. Never leaves the house.

But this would really annoy me. Does he at least cook or wash up?

Mine is and will stay that way now. I love it. Saves 2 hours in commuting time a day so makes life a lot easier for us as a family. I spend half my time working from home and half out of the house.

I could clean the house all day, finally sit down for a cuppa at the exact moment he comes into the room and will comment that I sit around doing nothing or he'll say this is what I must do when he's not hear.

That’s not very nice of him.

him working from home expecting absolute silence during his meetings etc Well I would not have catered for that for a start. He is choosing not to use the office so I would be hoovering all around him until he fucks off.

Honestly to everyone going through this. I am a very happy single and there is no way I could tolerate months/years of this shite like many of you have.

Tell him he is stinking your lounge out and he has to shower and go back to the office, you can't cope with it any more. May as well be honest OP.

The weekends are the same as the weekdays. There is just no difference when you are together all the time. We have nothing to say to each other. I cancelled date night the other night, we usually go for a meal once a month. Because I didn't feel there was any point.
He mentioned the other day he'd applied for a job that was 100% work form home because he loves it. My heart just dropped. I already thought there and then that I will get a job and go out to work. The reason I don't now is because we have a dog and young kids and his working hours were always different so. It was easier this way as no family to help with childcare. But no everything's changed.

We both worked from home for most of it and I go in about one day week now. It's nice, we work in separate rooms but have lunch together and make each other cups of tea.

Good luck with the job hunt.

If I can work from home 100%, I will.

Your sahm arrangements have suited you both. If this is the new arrangement long term, you need to speak with your oh. He simply cannot camp out in the best room 7 days a week. I would split the room like a job share, 2 days one week and 3 the next it should be at your disposal and he should work in the other room. Ideally he should be there always but a compromise seems like a positive step. He needs to go into the office one day per week.

My DH has worked from home every day since beginning of March 2020. He's a senior manager in NHS and they asked people to come back in I think September when he was on leave ( but at home) and by the time his leave was over it was WFH again. He was working in our sitting room until then but he's now in the spare room because I needed to able to use the sitting room. I wish he wasn't always here but I'm happy he's alive. Not everyone has this option and I'm grateful he does. DD and I are both CEV and she is unable to get out of bed because of her chronic illness so I'm 24/7 looking after her anyway so we haven't been out really at all. DH goes out for a couple of walks a day with dogs.

I don’t think you’ve just got a working from home issue, you’ve got yourself a DH issue.

I’m a sahm to a young school aged child and a toddler. DH showers daily. I can’t imagine a situation were either of us would think it’s acceptable for a health year adult to not. I get the feeling as if there is not much to talk about and I feel as if my life is ground dog day but that’s the age of my youngest. DH is around in the mornings to male it easier for getting everyone ready, he often does school pick up taking the youngest with him and we have dinner much earlier which is better for the kids. When he does the school run her actively encourages me to sit down and have a break.

It's hard - I had to move out of the office as it was so annoying hearing him on the phone over and over. We had an agreement that if we were just catching up and didn't need to see our laptop then we'd go out of the office and take the call elsewhere. But he never stuck to that. So I moved out to the dining room.

He's annoyed I wfh now - previously it was only 1 day per week. But he's annoyed because he can no longer lie about what time he came home and sit and watch TV. He doesn't realise that I always knew as I can tell from the alarm system what time it was turned off. He used to pretend that he hadn't got in until 5pm when in fact someone had turned off the alarm at 2pm.

My husband & I met at work & we’ve worked together our entire relationship. Different teams & different roles but still the same physical office area.

I love DH. He’s my best mate. I think I’d hate not working with him. I like having that in common, we have so many mutual friends through it & whinge about the same stuff 😂

We WFH now permanently. We use our spare room. We have a full office set up each. Dual screens, office chairs etc. To be honest, we largely ignore each other and get on with work. And we help each other with the kids. He helps me get them in shoes, coats etc and out the door. Likewise, I help him get all their stuff off when he comes home from after school pickup and I help get snack sorted. On our lunch breaks, we tend to use half the time to get jobs done. Hoover, dust, hang up some washing, prep tea. And half the time having a rest. That way, at the weekend, it’s just family time!

Honestly, your problem does not sound like WFH but your husband. He sounds demanding & slobbish. You sound like you don’t like him much anymore. I’d be kicking mine up the bum, everything is shared & equal in this house. We talk about everything. There are periods of time where perhaps romance is lacking. Life is busy with young kids, no real break or much time alone. But we make time when we realise it’s gone that way again!

We both work from home but I'm separate rooms and rarely work in the lounge/other communal areas. I realise we're lucky that we can do this.
We also don't have young children to keep quiet. In that situation I'd be insisting he goes back to the office or gets a co-working space at least half the week.

We also get up and have a proper routine. Even if I don't need to go anywhere I shower, do my face, get dressed (in loungewear obviously).

I need that structure. I do know someone who rolls out of bed and logs on but honestly he's taking the piss a bit at work and he knows it. I really think part of it is no routine so he's not in 'work mode'.

I can't believe his work isn't asking him to return. No one I know in his kind of job and position isn't back

Ohh I totally agree about routine! I get up at 7am, shower, get the kids fed & ready for school. School run. Work, mid morning break, lunch, afternoon break and a strict 5.15pm finish! And I always work at my desk bar any confidential meetings I don’t think my DH should overhear.

I told DH that I was struggling (we both wfh) and I needed days at home alone without him or the kids.

I was pretty forthright about it. I suggest the same op.

@bluetowers his job consists of meetings on the phone/teams all day that used to be in person in a meeting room but now are not. If he goes in to work he is the only one in the office as all office staff still at home and he just does meeting on teams there alone, just the same as at home so I do understand that it's easier /cheaper/more comfortable to be at home. But it's no life is it?

I guess if it's going to be pretty permanent then

.. you'll need to agree a more permanent solution

He needs to move out of the communal areas. We were the same, my DH felt like I was observing his parenting and never felt comfortable (coincided with me going back to work and him going into SAHD).

Our solution was to move me out of the house, we converted half the garage earlier this year and it was a game changer.

If WFH is going to be a permanent solution he needs a permanent space, and a communal living room is not that. I'd be irritated if one of my staff was choosing to WFH and only had a living room set up.

We’re both WFH - my DH’s company sold their office during lockdown so he is 100% remote and I’m going into the office about a day a week.

We absolutely love it - it’s such great work life balance and we love seeing each other. We’re not in a particularly big house and I work from the kitchen table, my husband in the sitting room, but we try and work in the same room together when not in calls. Love being able to get a cuddle in the middle of the day! Maybe we’re just a bit cringe though!

I don't like it when dh works from home - he is annoying! I work from home nearly all the time and I feel like it's my space in the weekday daytime - it's like me coming into his office and asking him what's for lunch, or if he fancies going for a dog walk because there is a lull in my work, etc - drives me potty. I need my own time and space in order to function properly - that's why I choose to work in a job where I can easily create this environment!