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Covid

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Original poster

Who's partners are still working from home? How are you finding it?

57 replies

Wintersnuggles10 · 28/11/2021 11:41

I am struggling with this so much. I have no right to complain at all but its hard and I have no where else to moan!
My husband worked out of the home every day before covid. Then it swapped to working from home where possible through 2020. It was so so tough having 2 kids off homeschooling and him working from home expecting absolute silence during his meetings etc. Luckily I'm a sahm so didn't have to worry about my work on that front. It was just something we all had to get through wasn't it? I didn't think it would be for long.
Life slowly returned more back to normal, kids went back, and husband decided he was going to work from home probably 95% of the time. He will go in now and again as he is senior management at a food production company. But he mostly chooses not to.for no reason apart from laziness which he admits. He has become extremely lazy. He doesn't get dressed or shower very often. He sits on the sofa under a blanket with his laptop and basically never moves. Never leaves the house. I feel absolutely smothered.
Before covid I suffered with depression and anxiety. Covid made it a lot worse. I am very introverted and I get very mentally drained being around people for a long time. I have to spend an hour or so by myself every now and again to reset myself and then I'm OK for another few days. Now I can't do this at all because there is always someone here. I have no life of my own because I don't work.
My son has just recovered from covid so I've had all that to deal with. Due back to school tomorrow. I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. Then it snowed. Now husband saying I'll stay home this week when he had planned on going in for a couple of days. I feel like screaming. I've had to come upstairs for a few mins. I feel terrible saying I don't want my own husband here! It's not his fault! Bit work and homelife should be kept seperate. It's just ground hog day with no end to it

OP posts:

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 28/11/2021 11:46

I’ve made mine go back some days. It’s not good for couples to be on top of each other all the time.

We don’t have a spare room for an office, so he works from the sofa which means that room is in effect out of bounds. And talks on his phone really loudly.

I found interrupting him a lot facilitated the return to work somewhat😈

PrincessNutNuts · 28/11/2021 11:59

Ask your husband to take your son out at the weekends to give you a break?

Go for a walk on your own?

Or for a coffee somewhere quiet, or to see a film by yourself? Or to the library? Or a museum or gallery?

What does your husband say when you talk to him about how you are feeling?

PrincessNutNuts · 28/11/2021 12:07

I forgot to say, I also need time alone, so I carve out my own time. I run, read, take baths, do yoga, stay up later than everyone else, get up earlier than everyone else, go to bed early with Netflix. Stuff like that.

hotmeatymilk · 28/11/2021 12:10

We’re both WFH full time now but each opt for one day in the office per week to give the other an empty house for a bit. I think if you want him back at work to give you the run of the house, you need to do the same for him.

DottyHarmer · 28/11/2021 12:15

I think quite a lot of us feel like this! It’s like fast-forwarding into retirement and you realise why pensioners have sheds/allotments/man caves/sewing rooms etc etc - everyone needs some space.

I was chatting with someone who says they had nearly come to blows with her Dh over the “Where are you going?” thing. My Dh does that too. It’s not in any way malicious or controlling, just that the study is by the front door so that he is like the receptionist now . The other annoyance is “What’s for lunch?” I don’t want lunch! It’s not a thing!

There are many good points of wfh, and it would have been a boon when the dcs were small, but living cheek by jowl 24/7 is wearing. OP, go for a walk or just to the shops or even for a drive out. By yourself.

GertrudeBElion · 28/11/2021 12:16

Mine is, but then so am I

It's rather lovely actually, I can understand why your husband likes it, for us the pace of day to day life has completely changed and we've gained so much time back in not having to commute, not needing to get dressed immediately etc

Having said that, we are lucky enough to have our own work space and our kids are older so are out of the house during the day. I can understand that having your whole routine disrupted must be difficult.

Bonnealle · 28/11/2021 12:16

I love it! Enjoyed it when we were both working from home and even more when on maternity leave. Unfortunately he has to go back to the office more now, which is sad.

Skips123 · 28/11/2021 12:18

My partner is still working from home everyday. I'm on maternity leave with our baby who is 8 months. I am also an introvert but we are in separate rooms, him in his office, and me in the living room, kitchen, nursery etc. I have some time to recharge when my LO has a nap. I don't see why you need to be in the same room as your husband all day?

I actually find it really lonely when he goes into the work office once in a while and really like him being at home even if it's someone to talk to for 10 minutes..

I think from your OP the problem is perhaps you are no longer attracted to your partner? And the actual issue isn't with him working from home but him in general? Perhaps he was more bearable for you pre covid as you didn't see him so much.

Original poster

Wintersnuggles10 · 28/11/2021 12:21

I'm so glad there are others that feel the same. We have been together 20 years but obviously only spent evening, weekends and holidays together. Now it's 24/7.
My main issue is the "where are you going" etc? He's jot controlling and I can do what I want but my day /life is not my own.
I could clean the house all day, finally sit down for a cuppa at the exact moment he comes into the room and will comment that I sit around doing nothing or he'll say this is what I must do when he's not hear. I feel like crying and screaming every day

OP posts:

hopeishere · 28/11/2021 12:21

I get wanting to be on your own. In fact on my Daylio app time alone is one of my "good" things. I go for a walk pretty much every day to get time alone.

Having said that senior management sitting under a blanket with his laptop doesn't doing very professional! Can he not work somewhere else in the house?

If you're able go out - coffee alone, cinema, pottering round the shops, swimming, gym, volunteer work?

MirandaWest · 28/11/2021 12:24

I’ve worked from home full time since started this job in 2015. When we moved to this house 3 years ago we had the garage converted and it was my space. Everyone else went to work/school and then came back home.

Then when Covid hit DH started working from home. The garage was a large own so there’s enough space for both of us….but I miss being able to get on with work in my own space. DH does a lot of training as part of his work and so I often need to use headphones as he is quite an enthusiastic trainer!
He goes into the office occasionally but now they’ve moved locations meaning his commute is a lot longer then I can understand why he doesn’t want to go back to the office. But sometimes I do remember how I was able to enjoy time on my own…

blackcatclub · 28/11/2021 12:24

Re silence for his meetings - he needs to just get some noise cancelling headphones or work in another room

GertrudeBElion · 28/11/2021 12:27

Ah.

I guess it also helps that my husband isn't a total douche who would question why I was sitting around doing nothing.

dudsville · 28/11/2021 12:29

I presume he can't have an office space that isn't the sofa?

We are both home, but we don't have kids and we each have our own work room and we get on well. I also need quiet alone time to recharge, and my OH likes lots of noise, I often end up going to bed at 8pm just to have a quiet couple of hours before sleep, otherwise I'm buzzing. But I'm older and don't mind heading to bed at 8 presumably you are younger and would not like that option?!

DottyHarmer · 28/11/2021 12:31

Dh always seems to catch me on MN… Just cleaned the bathrooms, scrubbed the loos and he says, “Stop looking at those coronavirus MumsNet threads!” Mind you, every time I go in the study he’s surfing forums about cables or leads….

Jenjenn · 28/11/2021 12:39

We both wfh and it is great for work life balance for us. We work in separate rooms and don't disturb each other. Your dh needs to work in a separate room out of the way of family life. Also it sounds like maybe a better routine would be useful for him? As for pa remarks about you doing nothing, I would say the issue is bigger than him wfh.

TomelettewithGreggs · 28/11/2021 12:41

Mine. I hate it. We live in a very small flat and while he has a separate office, he keeps popping out and pootling around. I try to be out some of the time but it's going to be hard in the winter. But we are at an impasse because he refuses to go back.

He knows better than to tell me what to do with my time though.

Original poster

Wintersnuggles10 · 28/11/2021 13:06

Yes our spare room is the office. But it's not "comfortable" in there. He's rather sit on the sofa with blankets and cups of tea and his laptop and not move all day

OP posts:

AnnaSW1 · 28/11/2021 13:12

We both are!!!

hellsbells99 · 28/11/2021 13:19

I think you need to look at getting a job so you can become you again. I couldn’t stand being at home 24/7 if my DH also was. …….not sure what I will feel like when we retire 😂.
I am working away from the house 3 days a week and DH 4 days.

Caspianberg · 28/11/2021 13:21

It’s fine here. But Dh works from his office upstairs, and Ds and I have the run of the rest of the house. Dh emerges for food or to see Ds sometimes. We don’t stay quiet for his sake. He has the doors closed and can’t hear much

manolantern · 28/11/2021 13:24

@Skips123

I actually find it really lonely when he goes into the work office once in a while and really like him being at home even if it's someone to talk to for 10 minutes..

Won't be long before someone suggests OP should LTB!!!

ftw163532 · 28/11/2021 13:25

@Wintersnuggles10

I'm so glad there are others that feel the same. We have been together 20 years but obviously only spent evening, weekends and holidays together. Now it's 24/7. My main issue is the "where are you going" etc? He's jot controlling and I can do what I want but my day /life is not my own. I could clean the house all day, finally sit down for a cuppa at the exact moment he comes into the room and will comment that I sit around doing nothing or he'll say this is what I must do when he's not hear. I feel like crying and screaming every day

How is that not controlling? He's controlling your behaviour and deliberately making you feel shit. Of course you feel like crying and screaming - it's not normal to treat your loved ones how he is treating you.

This isn't a wfh problem, it's a problem with how your specific husband behaves.

LunaticLandscape · 28/11/2021 13:25

I feel the same when my husband is home all day. I work 3 long days and cherished my 2 days at home, alone. He's lovely and not controlling but I do miss my own space. He used to work out of the house really long hours in his last job, so that's what our marriage was based around.
Yours does sound a bit of an arse though. You have my sympathy

Mamette · 28/11/2021 13:27

I think it’s completely unreasonable that he’s taking over the family sitting room as his work space.

OP I would advise getting a job. Get him to do some of the school runs and some of the housework. He thinks he rules the roost.

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