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Original poster

Adult son not vaccinated

43 replies

randomunicorn · 18/09/2021 15:08

I have 3 children, 18, 15, 11.

Just after the isolation rules changed my 15yr old got covid, no one in the house had to isolate as me and DH are doubled vaccinated and the 18yr old and 11yr old are exempt as per the rules.

The eldest, 18 has chosen not to be vaccinated, he doesn't believe covid is as bad as it is made out and it's all some big social experiment and a way to control. The vaccine has a micro chip that is tracking us all. We've discussed this at length, but ultimately he is an adult and free to make his own choices.

However, now the 11yr old has covid, the 18yr old no longer falls under exemption rules but is refusing to isolate as he doesn't think it's fair, he did have covid about a year ago so says he's naturally immune.

I'm of the mind set that as an adult he has made a choice and he now needs to accept the results of this choice so I want to put my foot down and say, you isolate and that it that. DH is feeling guilty and saying if we are saying he an adult who can make his own decisions then we have to let him decide. But I think decisions that affect only him, are his to make, but decisions that may impact others are different.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
Wellbythebloodyhell · 18/09/2021 15:39

As hes an adult you can't make him isolate or have the vaccine. Yes he's breaking the rules by not isolating this time but you could question how is he much more of a danger to society now than he was a month ago when the rules said he didn't need to isolate. Its easy to question the rules when some of them don't make sense.

kimlo · 18/09/2021 15:42

Is he over 18.5?

It's not his decision to make or yours, he doesn't fall under the exemptions so he has to isolate. Are test and trace not ringing him?

GoodnightGrandma · 18/09/2021 15:45

He is an adult, so it’s his choice.
If it was a situation where he was putting the family at risk you’d be within your rights to ask him to move out, but it isn’t really.

FinallyHere · 18/09/2021 15:49

DH is feeling guilty

Why is DH feeling guilty?

heldinadream · 18/09/2021 15:49

I'd be damn cross and completely refuse to let the subject go.
I know this because we have an unvaccinated adult in our family and this is EXACTLY how I am with them. I can't let it go. Now this may well be my failing, but I'm just deeply, deeply concerned at the way conspiracy theories are taking hold of people. And you are saying he thinks there's a microchip etc? That's not just not getting vaccinated, that's dangerous delusions.

I really hope you get through to him OP.

clarepetal · 18/09/2021 15:56

You cant force him, but you can be cross with him.
Similar situation here, son tested positive, I'm vaccinated, partner not as has opposing views, but he has at least stayed in and isolated. I'd have given him the biggest bollocking otherwise.

amylou8 · 18/09/2021 15:57

Presumably he's still living at home, so while as an adult you can't make him isolate (I agree with him fwiw) you can make him not isolate elsewhere.

BananaPB · 18/09/2021 15:59

I have a child the same age.
The vaccine is up to them but as long as they live here I'd expect them to follow rules like isolation.

Original poster
randomunicorn · 18/09/2021 16:15

Yeh he is over the 18.5 mark now, which he wasn't before.

I do worry about his fascination with conspiracy theories, he talks some utter rubbish sometimes and his inability to critically analyse these things does worry me. But what can I do? We discuss them but he isn't interested in hearing any other version of reality.

I can't physically stop him from leaving the house, but I can consequence his choices. He may be an adult but he still live in our house. And whilst it is of course very much his home I don't think he gets to pick and chose when he is an adult, and when he wants to be dependent on us for the things he wants, we pay for his car, his mobile phone, he has a clothing allowance.

I don't want to be unnecessarily harsh on him, I'm really torn on what to do.

OP posts:
heldinadream · 18/09/2021 16:22

Can he stay somewhere else OP? Not in order to isolate, as he obviously isn't going to, but in order to make it clear he can't just do what he likes in your house. Say you don't want him coming and going and taking covid out of the house potentially, he needs to stay away until it's gone from the household.

UsedUpUsername · 18/09/2021 16:26

The rules are odd though, in that if he already had Covid as you say then he’s better protected than double jabbed family members. It’s kind of dumb for him to isolate, they need to make allowances for this

cherin · 18/09/2021 17:34

Rules are rules, they’re not for us to pick. I’ve been to France for work yesterday- a whopping 11hours out of the country. Rules say I have to do a test before returning (the same day of departure) and a test on day2. Makes sense? No. But it’s the rule. And I’ve done it.
I’d be massively disappointed with my son if he wasn’t mature enough to understand this. At 18 one is responsible for himself and towards the wider society.
His civil sense is sorely lacking, and if he was living with me he’d be in the dog house…

mumsneedwine · 18/09/2021 17:39

Does he have a mobile phone on him at all times ? Then he's already got a chip and can be tracked. Bizarre argument I've always thought.

Tinpotspectator · 18/09/2021 17:41

Your house your rules

HalzTangz · 18/09/2021 17:59

@randomunicorn

Yeh he is over the 18.5 mark now, which he wasn't before.

I do worry about his fascination with conspiracy theories, he talks some utter rubbish sometimes and his inability to critically analyse these things does worry me. But what can I do? We discuss them but he isn't interested in hearing any other version of reality.

I can't physically stop him from leaving the house, but I can consequence his choices. He may be an adult but he still live in our house. And whilst it is of course very much his home I don't think he gets to pick and chose when he is an adult, and when he wants to be dependent on us for the things he wants, we pay for his car, his mobile phone, he has a clothing allowance.

I don't want to be unnecessarily harsh on him, I'm really torn on what to do.

Have you told him that whilst he owns a smartphone every single thing he does is tracked. They don't need to jab anyone to track what people are doing, they already know
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 18/09/2021 18:04

Im not sure how you could enforce an 18 year old to isolate? Of course your house your rules but is this the hill you want to die on?
I don't agree with your sons point of view but young adults do say the silliest things and look back and cringe at themselves later on.

UsedUpUsername · 18/09/2021 18:06

Rules are rules, they’re not for us to pick

No, if the rules don’t make sense or are counterproductive (as here, Covid recovered actually have superior immunity over vaxxed) then we should reject them.

Ministers do all the time (or are they just for the little people?)

WildfirePonie · 18/09/2021 19:37

You can catch and spread covid after being vaccinated. So if you don't want to spread it around then you should all isolate.

DuncinToffee · 18/09/2021 19:43

@UsedUpUsername

Rules are rules, they’re not for us to pick

No, if the rules don’t make sense or are counterproductive (as here, Covid recovered actually have superior immunity over vaxxed) then we should reject them.

Ministers do all the time (or are they just for the little people?)

Can you link the evidence to back up your claims about superior immunity
Harlequin1088 · 18/09/2021 19:47

I have the exact same issue with my brother (he's in his 30's) as he's the only one in our family not to have the jab. Flat out refuses, says it's all a conspiracy, he won't be told what to do by the government and so on and so forth. To be honest, I'm quite sure he just likes to be a contrarian as it makes him feel like the most intelligent person in the room. If myself and the rest of our family had refused the jab then I'd bet my brother would've been first in the queue to get one.

He's an adult so I suppose he's allowed to make his own decisions but my issue comes from the fact that it now transpires his partner (who is 10 years his junior) is now also refusing to get the jab because she hangs on his every word, is seemingly incapable of independent thought, and believes all his tin foil hat dumbassery.

I don't mind him putting himself at risk - that's his choice - but now his actions are directly impacting the decision of another and I don't think that's fair.

Sadly OP, there's not a great deal you can do about your son. I certainly don't want to live in a world where we're forced to do things against our will and you have to respect his choices unfortunately, no matter how infuriating they are. It's such a worry when it's someone you love so you have my sympathies.

ChristmasCovid · 18/09/2021 23:25

@UsedUpUsername

The rules are odd though, in that if he already had Covid as you say then he’s better protected than double jabbed family members. It’s kind of dumb for him to isolate, they need to make allowances for this
He had Covid last year, no guarantee he has any antibodies now.
WhatsitWiggle · 18/09/2021 23:35

Why doesn't he think it's fair? As an unvaccinated person, he has a greater chance of carrying the virus. That's why the rules are different for fully vaccinated people. The only additional exception I would like to see put in place is if you've had a positive Covid result within 90 days that you've recovered from, as your antibodies then will be high.

UsedUpUsername · 19/09/2021 06:08

Relevant article on preexisting immunity for those curious: www.bmj.com/content/374/bmj.n2101

UsedUpUsername · 19/09/2021 06:11

In short, the only reason for OP to ask her son to do this is to follow a bunch of nonsensical rules, as he’s likely got more robust immunity than the rest of the family.

walksen · 19/09/2021 06:48

If he's had covid there is no guarantee that he is still immune, or that the next infection will be milder.

See this article about the Shrewsbury manager who was hospitalised when reinfected 9 months later

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/newsbeat-56017494.amp

I'd he'd had the jabs he would be better protected than double jabbed people.

If has to isolate legally, is he not running the risk of a fine if caught? Ive some sympathy with th nonsensical rules comments because it is not about reducing spread now rather than a means to " encourage" people to get jabbed but like you say he made the choice and it was made clear well in advance this is what would happen. Up to you to say if he wants to be more independent he can't pick and choose

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