Overly nervous or right to be worried?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

I am CEV and all last year, the whole household shielded . Me , husband and adult daughter . All of us are now double vac. Daughter returned to cafe job a few months ago. I am recovering from surgery last week.

Daughter announced to me that she was going to an open mic event next week at busy city centre pub ( something she use to do a lot before Covid) No outdoor space . Her reasoning , we are all jabbed and I have had my surgery.

I am worried about the delta variant and it’s seemingly impact on double vac people . My son had it several weeks after second jab and was ill for about 3 weeks at home.

Whilst I know there is a risk from the cafe working , the pub to me seems a step too far . I don’t think ventilation will be as good and it will be much more crowded. I am worried

WWYD in my shoes?
Thanks

I think you need to let your daughter go and enjoy herself.

I know it's so hard for you living with being afraid of the virus but your dd is right. Nobody knows how long covid will remain a threat and for all we know restrictions will be brought back in this winter.

My teens all vaccinated. Have been to pubs clubs and with friends who’ve all tested positive. And I mean all day at the beach, at the gym, on day trips….

All have done the 7 days LFT and haven’t caught it.

Your daughter needs to live her life. You should be proud of her, she's done it for you now is time for her.

My son had it several weeks after second jab and was ill for about 3 weeks at home.

Does your son live elsewhere? Could your daughter stay with him for a few days after so you have limited contact until you know she's fine?

It's a really difficult situation with no right answer for you both.

She shielded for a whole year for you. That’s a really, really big deal. Is a pub really so much worse than a cafe?

All you can do is ask her to maybe social distance from you after the event. It's difficult but YABU to expect her to keep her life on hold indefinitely.

I've had Delta after just 1 jab and it was just like having a cold, I'm not CEV but not everyone suffers badly.

@Peteycat

Your daughter needs to live her life. You should be proud of her, she's done it for you now is time for her.

I agree with this. She needs to enjoy her life.

That’s amazing that she shielded and protected you for a year. She missed out on a lot. You’re vaccinated and it’s time for her to live her life now.

Just read she is double vaccinated too. When does this end? There’s nothing more you can do. Let her have some fun.

It might be better for your DD to stay somewhere else for a while, as you have conflicting needs. Your desire to shield is understandable but so is her desire to live her life.

I am also CEV with teens 16 and 17. They have been to school and mixed outside but they have been sensible to protect me and haven’t got to the going out to pubs and clubs stage yet thankfully.

When you say adult daughter how old is she? I.e. could she live elsewhere or is your house big enough for her to SD from you (after the event/does the house have more than one bathroom and two separate living areas) and she could do daily LFT tests?

I am double jabbed but as CEV I still feel scared as CEV. Fortunately, I am still able to work from home. I worry and my teens going to school etc and them catching something and passing it onto me but I can’t deny them an education and a social life (but I totally get where you are coming from). Now the restrictions are lifted I feel even more vulnerable and frightened to go anywhere than I did before 19th July.

Take care x

Overly nervous. Life has to continue.

I think you need to let her get on with living her life.

I know how you feel OP my dh is CEV and I have a teenage daughter, I hate to break it to you but COVID is now endemic and we will have to live with it in one form or another forever. I've made my peace with this and am carrying on normally.

You're all double vaxxed, thats as much as you can do to protect you and yours, living your life and expecting your dd live her life with severe restrictions will only cause resentment and misery.

We can't hide away forever. We have to continue living instead of just existing at some point. I understand its scary, but what more can your daughter do other than hide away?

Maybe she could spend time elsewhere after this event for a week or so. Use it like some kind of exposure therapy for yourself. If you see she is okay after going, it might ease your mind for the next steps.

Overly nervous. I know several CEV people who have been out getting on with their lives for months now. Hardly fair on your daughter to continue to restrict her life in a such a way.

I agree with the pp who said maybe some exposure therapy would be a good idea for yourself.

Your daughter has already given up over a year of her life. This virus is never going anywhere now it's time you let her live her life and deal with your own anxieties around it.
Sorry if that's harsh but your double vaccinated your protected as much as you can be from serious illness. You can't seriously expect her to put her life in hold any longer and nor should you.

Is the condition that makes you CEV one that affects your immune system?

Because if so, the jab may not work well for you. If not, then even in a CEV person it should still have the expected protective effect

Can your DD distance herself from you within your home?

Thank you for all your messages. It’s really helpful for me. We do have a decent sized house and she has her own bathroom. So some SD would be relatively straightforward. I could also ask her , if possible , to try to spend some time nearer the front of the pub where ventilation will be better.

OP, I think many of the posters on here are being too dismissive of your concerns. It's all too easy to tell CEV strangers on the internet that they should stop worrying about Covid! As nether has identified, one key issue is whether you are CEV due to a condition which may mean you have very little protection from vaccination or whether there is no reason to think the vaccine won't be giving you a high level of protection against serious illness. That affects how much risk it is sensible for you to take. Is there any way your daughter could move out and get a house share nearby (perhaps with some financial help from you to get her started)? If you are at very high risk still, it's perfectly reasonable for you to want to try to protect yourself as best you can, but equally it's not fair to expect your daughter to put her life on hold indefinitely, and frequent socialising in busy pubs is a normal part of life for many (I'm guessing most) young adults.

Wow she’s given up so much, you must be really proud of her for doing that for you.
I understand why you are worried, but she needs a life too.

Agree with others. Covid looks like it is here to stay. Are you expecting your dd never to socialise indoors again? That would be a big, big ask.

Your daughter has done the most amazing thing for you, but you mustn't ask her to do it again. She needs to live her life, as someone else says above, this is now endemic and we have to learn to live with it (I say that as someone who is CV but could only have one jab). Have you had your antibodies tested? Perhaps you could have a booster if you needed it? I think you could ask her to LFT regularly and isolate if she has symptoms. Otherwise, I would say that it would be up to you to isolate and mask at home if necessary, or find another solution which does not impact on her life.

The daughter can't be expected to put her life on hold to protect her mother. But the daughter is an adult, and if her mother is still highly vulnerable to Covid, I don't think it's reasonable for the daughter to assume she has a right to live at her parents' house and expose her parents to a much higher level of Covid risk than they are comfortable with. The obvious answer is for the daughter to move out and find her own place. However, if the OP does not want her daughter to move out, she needs to accept that she can't expect to massively restrict her daughter's social life indefinitely.

You cannot expect your daughter to stay in forever surely?

I hope she has nice time.

You are vaccinated you Will be fine.

Seriously Liliypond2, saying she should move out.??? Have you any idea what the real world is like right now for young people? Some can't get jobs never mind their own place. Silly advice.