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Original poster

Finding that freedom is actually causing more isolation?

86 replies

Missfelipe · 18/08/2021 10:12

I’ve always been in the camp of wanting restrictions to be eased. We live far from family and found the never ending lockdowns and living in the North West under longer restrictions really tough. It really took a toll on my mental health.

However now that the restrictions have eased and we can do all those things we missed I’m finding that we are spending more time restricting contact to avoid missing out. We have a number of big family events we will be travelling to and are terrified we will miss out and not be able to see everyone, especially if there are restrictions going into autumn/winter.

The result is we aren’t really seeing friends close by or going into the office which we are now allowed to do and which we had really benefited from.

Does anyone else find this? I’m now really struggling again and I don’t know what to do to make it better.

OP posts:
QueenofKattegat · 18/08/2021 13:07

Lucky you that you don’t have to leave the house to earn a living. All the people providing you with things you need to stay at home don’t have that choice

Exactly. Outsource the "risk" to someone else and sit at home comfy and feeling "safe" and spouting all over MN. That will be my main takeaway from this whole thing.

PhoenixFreesias · 18/08/2021 13:08

I agree. There are places I felt quite happy going whilst everyone was being pretty cautious. Now those same places look very much like a free for all and I just avoid them.

QueenofKattegat · 18/08/2021 13:09

Honestly I think half of the people on this board would be happy to go back into lockdown.

userxx · 18/08/2021 13:13

@NannyAndJohn

Yep. We're basically staying at home now and only leaving for essentials.

30000 cases a day and rising, no SD, minimal masks, waning immunity...

No thanks.

Jesus, that sounds horrific.

bathorshower · 18/08/2021 13:15

At the moment the death rate from Covid is not dissimilar to a bad flu season (about 30,000 deaths/year). I've had both the flu and covid jabs, but am otherwise living as normally as possible (masks permitting), as I would when flu rates are high.

Incidentally, flu is much more of a risk to babies than Covid, but parents rarely worry about it, which shows what media scaremongering can do.

Original poster
Missfelipe · 18/08/2021 13:37

@Moonface123

The people that are determined to move on and live their life should be applauded. This country would be at a comp!ete standstill right now if we all shared your negativity. They are not being less careful, they have the courage to want to make progress, not stay in this uncertain land of limbo. Thank God we aren't all brainwashed by fear of covid.
Well thanks for the rudeness.

I’ll repeat myself again for those who seem incapable of reading my earlier posts. I’m not scared of COVID. When restrictions initially lifted we were out and about. We haven’t been able to see our families for a very long time for various reasons not linked to covid but now are able to next month. This just so happens to be for some big events but is the earliest we can travel to see them.

It’s really affected me not being able to see them. If we were to miss out because we contracted COVID it would be a real blow, especially if restrictions were brought back soon after. Our families don’t live down the street so we can’t just see them whenever we want.

So we limit our contacts and that’s just making me feel worse as we are missing that as well. I’m not as resilient on missing company as we were this time last year.

OP posts:
Neverrains · 18/08/2021 13:38

But this time it’s your choice to limit those contacts.

Original poster
Missfelipe · 18/08/2021 13:42

Yes I am aware (I do have a brain thanks 🧐) but my point is is that I am potentially risking not being able to see them by acting as I normally would do in the lead up to going- more contacts = more chance of contracting covid.

It would probably be a very minor illness for me but any other minor illness wouldn’t keep me hidden away in isolation.

OP posts:
Neverrains · 18/08/2021 13:45

I’m trying to figure out what you would prefer… restrictions to stay in place so that you don’t have to make the choice to limit your contacts?

Original poster
Missfelipe · 18/08/2021 13:50

I don’t want either, I just want our lives back without any of this.

We aren’t one of lucky ones who qualified for various different bubbles with our families around the corner and it’s been bloody bloody tough. We’ve had immediate family members in hospital and gravely ill who we couldn’t see. You can understand why we might not want to jeopardise these trips.

OP posts:
PositiveLife · 18/08/2021 14:12

I get you. I'm a single parent, working full-time from home. I've changed jobs mid-pandemic due to the stress in the first one. I still don't feel I've fully recovered and desperately need the holiday I've got booked (UK - nothing particularly special but a break from the house really). I'm struggling with stuff because if any of us catch covid, that one break will be ruined and I will really struggle. The next break away will likely be May.

As for the PP saying anything could go wrong - well yes, the car could break down but that's why we make considered decisions to have it serviced each year, etc. We don't just go fuck it, I'll cross my fingers and hope. Also this year going away is a bigger deal, it's been crap being so restricted so feels a bigger loss to lose a holiday than it does to have a week of being more careful than the 'rules' in order to have the best chance of getting a holiday.

And for those who keep criticising those of us 'lucky' enough to be able to work from home, it's absolutely fucked my mental health. Working from the same room I would usually relax in, never getting any real separation from working, employers expecting extra hours because you're saving your commute time, the extra costs of electricity/gas/drinks. We're not all working from nice, comfy office rooms.

itsgettingwierd · 18/08/2021 14:17

I see where you are coming from.

All my family are local but I'm certainly wary the risks of catching it are greater now we are out and about more and therefore that would then limit my freedom. Of course it would only be 10 days and ds wouldn't be isolated but it just feels like we've come all this way and yet someone could push the stop button any minute!

MareofBeasttown · 18/08/2021 14:20

I am flying to India in two weeks to see my DD and mum, whom I haven't seen in a year. I am getting on with my life.

DiscoDown21 · 18/08/2021 14:26

I do the same if a big event coming up, I’d rather not miss out than miss a quick tea out or drinks for a week or so

I’m going on a U.K. holiday in a few weeks and I shall be restricting what I do bar work for a week or two before hand as I really need this break!! Up to then I’ve a few catch up planned and out and about a bit so it’s all ok.

I work in a hospital ward so can’t work from home and do have a risk of catching Covid from work but hey ho. I’m fully vaccinated but some of my colleagues have come down with it recently.

MsMartini · 18/08/2021 14:26

OP, I get you. We had a family holiday earlier this summer, which involved very long-awaited reunion. We were all extra careful in the run up because we wanted it so much, and it was stressful. Holiday was wonderful! Since then, we have relaxed a bit - both about the risk of covid and that of having to SI (tho that only applies to the young ones now). I am enjoying myself and my mindset is shifting gradually but there is no rush, do things at the time that is right for you and your family (where you have a choice).

RedToothBrush · 18/08/2021 14:46

Honestly i think you just have to get on with things and enjoy what you can, whilst you can rather than worrying about what you may/may not be able to do if you do happen to get covid.

I think you have to live for the moment during the summer months because you can do a lot more outdoors and limit the time you spend indoors as much as possible.

I think, atm for most people who are healthy, the is mindset has to be thought of in terms of half empty/half full glasses. Which are you going to choose?

We are doing as little as possible indoors and wear masks when we are, even if no one else is, even if that means getting wet. And avoiding crowds where possible (and if thats not possible, again masks even if outdoors).

We don't know what the next few months will bring. My suspicion is end of September / October could get 'interesting'.

I don't want to look back thinking, ive done nothing this year. If i get unlucky and do miss x, y or z at least i can say Ive done a, b or c.

Life is for living. Within reason. Without being a dickhead about it and with as much thought as possible. Its not for waiting forever for things to return to prepandemic life, cos the reality is we don't know whether thats little more than a pipe dream, 5 years down the line or we are all fine come early spring.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 18/08/2021 14:49

@QueenofKattegat

Honestly I think half of the people on this board would be happy to go back into lockdown.
If it meant not risking catching and passing on even a mild case to my CEV DS, yes.
Imalittleteapotshortandstout · 18/08/2021 15:01

Agree, but your title is confusing, I thought you meant 'self - isolations'.

Still it is not the freedom that is the problem but the level of infections.

So my DD had a university entrance test last week. We cancelled absolutely everything for 10 days before so that she could take this test without having to be ill or self-isolating. Otherwise she literally would be unable to go to university to take her chosen subject next year.

The end to double-vaccinated people having to self-isolate has helped a bit, but there is still the risk of getting a positive test and/or getting ill.

What annoys me most is that your level of risk when you do go out and do things is determined by everyone else. So it is really it is a common denominator situation. You can only be as safe as the person who is taking the least precautions in a situation.

gogohm · 18/08/2021 15:10

We are doing whatever we want now. Been in several situations where I'm pretty sure there must have been covid about and I've not caught it (I'm double jabbed and had covid in April 2020 mildly). Dd has spent 3 days yachting including sharing a cabin with someone who tested positive and had to be taken to shore and still hasn't caught it. The vaccine gives me a lot of confidence!

gogohm · 18/08/2021 15:13

@NannyAndJohn

We have worked throughout, (no perks though as the "wrong" kind of keyworkers!) sorry life goes on, there's no need to stay home unless you are cev

TinaYouFatLard · 18/08/2021 15:13

There is no magic solution OP. You just need to crack on and do the things you want to do. People need to learn to live normally again.

The Laura Dodsworth book was really useful in understanding what has been done to people. It’s criminal really.

Neverrains · 18/08/2021 15:14

@Missfelipe

I don’t want either, I just want our lives back without any of this.

We aren’t one of lucky ones who qualified for various different bubbles with our families around the corner and it’s been bloody bloody tough. We’ve had immediate family members in hospital and gravely ill who we couldn’t see. You can understand why we might not want to jeopardise these trips.

No I completely understand and as I said above, we’ve done the same. Until Sunday we hadn’t seen our family since December 2019 (they’re abroad), so we were very careful in the 2 weeks leading up to coming. But it’s a small price to pay in my opinion. We still went out in the 2 weeks previous to flying, but outdoors and to places that aren’t crowded. I was happy to do that for the chance to finally see my family, and the children didn’t mind spending 2 weeks of their holidays outdoors!
megletthesecond · 18/08/2021 15:19

Same here. Keeping outdoors and reducing visits to shops.
I want the dc's at school in Sept and no isolation or covid. I really don't have time to be ill.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 18/08/2021 15:43

I think I get you OP

Had not seen my parents, brothers and nephews for almost 2 years (they live on the continent) and once I booked my flight tickets I got really anxious about not being allowed to fly (having to isolate because of covid)

I was never scared to actually get poorly as such, but the thought of not being able to see family (again!) got me so nervous I definitely was not myself until I finally was on the plane.

Hope you are able to relax once you have seen everyone

My anxiety has disappeared since this visit, and I am now eating out, having hair cuts etc again

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 18/08/2021 15:46

As this thread shows, some people have no imagination or empathy though

The one thing I can promise you is that the anxiety will fall off your shoulders once you’ve seen them Smile