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Covid

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Original poster

What would you say to an 88 year old whose recently had a cancer op and is keen to hug everyone inside at a family celebration??

77 replies

loveyouradvice · 13/08/2021 12:14

Just that really ... her house so we can easily ask people if the weather is okay to stay outside, or just be in the sitting room, leaving her other rooms risk free....

What would you do or advise?

I'm so aware her double jab is likely to be beginning to wear off and there are enough of us that the risk is reasonable that someone might have it.....

OP posts:

Bordois · 13/08/2021 15:28

My 80 something FiL died suddenly a couple of weeks ago. I'm glad he got the chance to see and hug his grandchildren before he died.

Neverrains · 13/08/2021 15:31

I would let her, as a grown adult, choose who she wants to hug.
This infantilising often elderly has to stop.

Neverrains · 13/08/2021 15:32

*of the

katemuff · 13/08/2021 15:32

DGM is 98. She wanted to meet her new GGD and her DD79 told the family "If you visit her, and she catches covid and dies, you are a murderer"
So we all told our ridiculous Aunt off for being so horrible to her lonely mother and visited. We all cuddled for ages. It was brilliant. I'm seeing her again tomorrow. At her age she can decide what she does for herself and I will not disrespect her by treating her like a naughty child.

Twinkie01 · 13/08/2021 15:33

Crack on, hug away.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 13/08/2021 15:35

Can't you all take lft tests before you get together?

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 13/08/2021 15:35

She’s 88 - even without the cancer how long do you think she will live?

marble11 · 13/08/2021 15:41

I did a lot for my Nan, her shopping, washing, cleaning etc. When she was put on the shielding list as I was working from home I carried on visiting daily taking my 10 year old with me.

I am so glad I did as she died very suddenly in December I spent time with her everyday during the pandemic and I don't regret it for a second.

ThreeWitches · 13/08/2021 15:43

I'd stop trying to dictate what she can and can't do, and let her hug whoever she pleases.

NannyR · 13/08/2021 15:44

I'd say take all the hugs you can get. My mum was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of covid and went through multiple chemo and surgeries, she died suddenly a few weeks ago, much too young. One of my biggest regrets is that we hardly had any hugs or physical contact over the course of her illness, because of "keeping her safe from covid".

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 13/08/2021 15:45

Let her crack on with the hugging.

ChateauMargaux · 13/08/2021 15:46

Get everyone to do a rapid flow test before they arrive, ventilate all rooms, wash hands when you arrive but don't make a fuss about it and add to anxiety levels.

JovialNickname · 13/08/2021 15:48

We love you Grandma have a hug?

trappedsincesundaymorn · 13/08/2021 16:09

My dad died of cancer last November, he was 83. In the 6 weeks between his diagnosis and death I received more hugs from him than I can count. Bearing in mind this was pre-vaccine times, anyone of his children could have infected him, but it was his choice to make. I am so glad he did. I will always remember the last hug he gave me 2 weeks before he died.
If your relative wants to hug her loved ones then then why should she be denied that if it's what she, or they, want. It might be the last one they get from her.

ExpressDelivery · 13/08/2021 16:14

I'd say "come here and have a big hug"

Original poster

loveyouradvice · 13/08/2021 18:38

Oh thank you everyone .... I am so so so glad....

She has full capacity and several decades of wisdom more than you. Butt out, it's her choice.

This encapsulates it all... and yes, I'm longing to hug her.

And wearing off? It's why Israel is giving boosters now and why our govt is planning to do it once they've done the young.... Mum's care home are expecing/hoping for them in early October - and say that the govt plan is health care staff are being done first, then the elderly.

OP posts:

cantkeepawayforever · 13/08/2021 19:13

If she is in a care home, then that does change things slightly. While it is absolutely fine for her to take on risk for herself, by attending a "high close contact" event and then returning straight to residential care she is potentially exposing others - residents and carers - to risk who haven't had an opportunity to consent.

Are the care home supportive? Would it be appropriate to inform them - as she is returned to the home after the event if necessary - that she has been in close physical contact with a number of people of different ages? They could then e.g. keep her at a slightly greater distance from others or keep her under careful observation for a couple of days, just to make sure?

BogRollBOGOF · 13/08/2021 20:04

We've undergone a lengthy and expensive journey to see MiL... except after the point of booking she had a fall and is still in hospital so only DH could book an appointment to see her for the first time in 20 months. Plus there was the phase when quarantine restrictions were too impractical and only became viable again with 10 days notice.
We'll try again next year when it will be nearly 3 years since the DCs could see her... assuming she makes it through the winter and into her 90s.

The idea of relatives seeing each other and refusing hugs that they could have freely is mindboggling.

StripeyBadger · 13/08/2021 20:10

@Reallyreallyborednow

isn't that partly why they are looking at whether we need boosters

Yes, but unless I’m missing something, the vaccine programme has only been running 8 months. If they’re starting to wear off already then boosters would need to be every 6 months.

That and I don’t think there’s any evidence that they wear off, that is why the research is being done. The boosters are more like flu yearly vaccinations, aimed at new variants in the vulnerable.

The o/p seems very confident the vaccines will be wearing off now, presumably less than 6 months after the second jab. So I’m wondering where this information is coming from.

Lots of reports coming out from Israel due to real world studies but I don’t know if it’s actually been researched and peer reviewed or just their findings. www.timesofisrael.com/israeli-uk-data-offer-mixed-signals-on-vaccines-potency-against-delta-strain/

PopcornMuncher · 14/08/2021 09:40

If I get to 88 I'll be hugging who I want (unless they have concerns for themselves of course)

Fullofglee · 14/08/2021 09:45

Well tbh op she's no spring chicken is she? Because people are living longer we forgetting just hold old they are. My own df is 78 and has terminal cancer I give a hug live is too short. If she wants to hug people let her.

Chillychangchoo · 14/08/2021 10:06

Erm, absolutely nothing? You’re already a coffin dodger at age 88, I think she deserves lots of hugs.

NautaOcts · 14/08/2021 10:07

I’d say nothing to her
I’d take an LFT beforehand and might privately ask other family members if they’re going to do the same

MRex · 14/08/2021 10:12

Everyone in the family to take LFT before going including kids, taken in the morning so as close to the event as possible. Then go and give big hugs, life isn't worth living if we don't get families back together.

Elys3 · 14/08/2021 10:12

Ok I work with elderly people. I would just say you are looking forward to seeing her and take LFTs beforehand.

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