What would you say to an 88 year old whose recently had a cancer op and is keen to hug everyone inside at a family celebration??

[loveyouradvice]

Just that really ... her house so we can easily ask people if the weather is okay to stay outside, or just be in the sitting room, leaving her other rooms risk free....

What would you do or advise?

I'm so aware her double jab is likely to be beginning to wear off and there are enough of us that the risk is reasonable that someone might have it.....

My context is a little off though - My grandmother had always lived a very healthy life. She got to 80
and took up smoking, drinking and eating all the processed crap she’d stayed away from

My grandma is 86 and she was anxious about catching covid and being really ill with it. I’m pregnant. Next time I see my grandma, if she wants a hug, she gets a hug.

I’d tell her I loved her, how great it was to see her, and give her a massive hug.

I’ve been incredibly over cautious with covid, but this woman has more than earned the right to hug her family.

I'm in the long warm hug camp

Everyone could do an lft beforehand?

What I wouldn't say is

'I know you're 88 and could easily die of natural causes overnight, never mind cancer, but your last memory of your family is going to be not being allowed to hug any of us and talking to them at a distance of 2m or with them shouting to you from the back garden because I know better than you do what you need'.

If I were in her position, I think I'd trade any number of days, weeks, months or years for that last hug of somebody I loved.

I’d say hug away

Shes 88. Why are you needing to say anything?
If she wants to hug people that's her call. How miserable of you to think you have any right to police that.

To express what I mean more succinctly:

It is up to her to choose to hug whoever she wishes.

Your responsibility is not to stop this, but to take - and encourage others to take - the simple actions that reduce the risks while allowing her to hug away.

Ask her what advice she’s been given at discharge. She wouldn’t have chosen to go thru her recent op if she was ready to die.

Won't say anything to her, but make sure everyone get tested if possible, so the risk is low.

I'm so aware her double jab is likely to be beginning to wear off and there are enough of us that the risk is reasonable that someone might have it....

Vaccinations wear off? News to me. Where did you get that from.

So LFT from everyone before the come, and if everyone that is able to is vaccinated, crack on.

DH is 57 with cancer, he can hug whoever he likes at family get-togethers so I would say "crack on" to an 88 year old in the same boat.

As long as she has fully faculties it's up to her. Were I that age, I'd do the same, rather than hide away in fear.

@Reallyreallyborednow isn't that partly why they are looking at whether we need boosters.

I would ask people to be responsible and mitigate their risks so 88yo can hug away.

I'd let her crack on. Her decision, and I wouldn't blame her.

You can choose not to hug her if you wish, but to advise she avoids hugging everyone else is a bit off. She is 88, and not a child that needs to be told what to do.
Let her do whatever she wants.

She is 88 and has cancer, she knows she doesn’t have decades left to live and time is not on her side. I think she is making a sensible decision to live the rest of her life to the full.

At 88 I’d let her hug whoever she wants. Please tell me you’re not trying to make her isolate.

I wouldn’t tell her anything, she’s 88 and can make up her own damn mind.

I’d give her a hug. I might get a test before I saw her, though I wouldn’t mention it to her.

This is heartbreaking. I'd give her a huge hug (several in fact) and enjoy the party like it could be the last.

I’d let her decide. My grandma is 90 and has been hugging and kissing us all for ages. We are all double jabbed (except the kids) and do LFTs. Life’s short at that age!

My only caveat would be if she does not have mental capacity to understand the risks. Going to a similar-ish event soon, and I will be very specifically careful around the elderly member of the family with dementia who is being brought along ‘because X thinks they wouldn’t want to miss out’ but is not in a position to consent.

isn't that partly why they are looking at whether we need boosters

Yes, but unless I’m missing something, the vaccine programme has only been running 8 months. If they’re starting to wear off already then boosters would need to be every 6 months.

That and I don’t think there’s any evidence that they wear off, that is why the research is being done. The boosters are more like flu yearly vaccinations, aimed at new variants in the vulnerable.

The o/p seems very confident the vaccines will be wearing off now, presumably less than 6 months after the second jab. So I’m wondering where this information is coming from.