Shameful treatment of children

[CottageGardener]

Taster days cancelled, work experience cancelled, sports days cancelled, exams cancelled, fetes cancelled, extra curriculum activities cancelled, end of year school assembly cancelled, transition day cancelled, trips cancelled, proms cancelled, the list goes on....

For a virus that 80% of the population now have antibodies for. The kids will never have a chance to do some of these things again. SHAMEFUL.

Why crinkly?

I am responding to comments like this 'In any event I do think the very young children and the older teens have missed out the most'

They have not missed out the most. Vulnerable people, Deaf people, disabled people, those with mh problems, those with financial problems, those who needed hospitalisations and were terrified and couldn't see their loved ones have missed out the most.

@IrmaFayLear so sorry for your DS and agree with everything you said. The positivity posters ironically are the most toxic people on here.

Why can't some of you see that the reason you don't care is simply that it's not important or relevant to you, rather than simply saying it doesn't matter at all?
Of course I understand things must be hard for deaf people with masks, but I'm not affected by it. I sympathise, but I'm focusing on what affects my family. So to me it will be transitions, leavers assemblies. My DC don't care for sports day, so I'm not fussed about it but I can understand some children will be distraught by that. Just because someone has it worse doesn't mean you have to belittle another person's feeling or tell them they aren't allowed to be upset.

Yes, they seem exceedingly lacking in any compassion.

Of course lots of people have had it bad, but particularly sneering at the young seems like mealy-mouthed bitterness.

Btw, I have had long bouts of ill health as a middle-aged person and had to shield yada yada. You know what? I would mega take all that rather to have had my teen/young adult years ruined.

I agree, @Petitefiloute - my dcs detested the very word “prom” but I can appreciate that a lot of the kids were very excited and had been looking forward to their prom for months. Ditto sports days or festivals or weddings.

What is it about people who cannot manage to put themselves in another’s shoes at all?

@IrmaFayLear I don't know why people are like this. The lack of empathy is shocking.

'All the adults saying it's crap for everyone and so and so who is old / alone / vulnerable has it worse. Sorry I disagree. It is shit for everyone but us adults had our youth. These kids are missing SO much'

Well that is fine, disagree. You do know it is a free country and diffirent options are allowed.

I have a disabled relative and I know their situation has been far far more distressing than anything our fit and active kids have had to cope with.

Dc do respond well to having positive role models around.

My posts did not in any way break the talk guidelines and I am rather annoyed that they have been removed.

It is ignorant in the extreme to dismiss the experiences children have missed out on. Saying so does not contravene guidelines.

'Yes, they seem exceedingly lacking in any compassion.'

I am very compassionate, but I and my family and friends have experienced some challenges far worse than missing baby singalong.

Perhaps that is why I have lots of perspective.

It isn't a competition, we've all struggled but teens no more than anyone else.

I am very compassionate, but I and my family and friends have experienced some challenges far worse than missing baby singalong

The cognitive dissonance in this one sentence is quite something

@JaniieJones it is also rude and ignorant to assume that parents coming to vent here are not keeping a positive attitude in front of their children. We also teach them about compassion and kindness.

It isn’t a competition, so why can’t we acknowledge children have missed out and that this doesn’t undermine or take away from anyone else’s experiences?

For some reason, we can’t. Mention that elderly people are lonely, that people with mental health problems have suffered, that it’s been awful for those who are self employed and everyone agrees. Mention that children have suffered and the scoffing at music classes starts. It’s horrible.

@crinklyfoil

It isn’t a competition, so why can’t we acknowledge children have missed out and that this doesn’t undermine or take away from anyone else’s experiences?

For some reason, we can’t. Mention that elderly people are lonely, that people with mental health problems have suffered, that it’s been awful for those who are self employed and everyone agrees. Mention that children have suffered and the scoffing at music classes starts. It’s horrible.

Absolutely it’s really showing people in a bad light. Something drives it and it’s not positivity.

@JaniieJones

'Yes, they seem exceedingly lacking in any compassion.'

I am very compassionate, but I and my family and friends have experienced some challenges far worse than missing baby singalong.

Perhaps that is why I have lots of perspective.

It isn't a competition, we've all struggled but teens no more than anyone else.

Your difficult experience shouldn't invalidate other people's difficult experience. That's what compassion means. You "suffer with" the other person. You do not come across as compassionate.

It’s not just about “baby singalong” - but when I had ds I can tell you the “first time mums’ club” was a flippin’ lifesaver for me. Dh was working abroad and my mum had just died. I was totally isolated and to find some other humans to talk to was a necessity.

Of course I am upbeat with my dcs, but on the quiet (or even on MN!) I can say I am disappointed for them.

And, whilst I’m at it, many young people do not have an existing group of compatriots to hang out with. They were hoping, you know, to make new friends in - gasp- real life . But I guess it’s either I’m all right jack or friends are unnecessary. Some kids - the quiet/the shy/the nerdy - have really struggled. But silly them, eh?

@JaniieJones

'My dcs were remarking that you rarely see a teenager out and about'

Bollocks.

Or perhaps some handwringing parents have brainwashed a few into thinking life is now worthless because toddler play cafe is shut.

Our dc are in and out constantly, groups of friends having bbqs and having fun. It has not been a barrel of laughs for anyone but fgs show some positivity and it will rub off on them.

The point is though that none of this is necessary for children.

My DS is GCSE year and it was ENTIRELY unnecessary to 'cancel' the exams formally because they ended up sitting bloody exams anyway. You can't get more socially distanced than being in a bloody exam hall.

It is entirely unnecessary to cancel a sports day - it is outside fgs

It was entirely unnecessary to stop children playing sport for a year - I mean, swimming ffs literally has chemicals to kill off the bloody thing

My eldest is 1st year Uni and believe me he has had some fun, but that is not without constant fines from the university for daring to go in another flat in the halls (when they have all had Covid) - wardens on the campus literally letting themselves into their accommodation whenever they feel like it (no knocking - using keycards) and taking photos and threatening to have them chucked out.

Meanwhile the lecturers who will all have been offered the vaccine, now refusing to come in ever again and deliver lectures live. They like not having a commute apparently.

You do remember we SHUT down outdoor playgrounds don't you? At what point was that ever necessary? And it is vital that children have play with peers, absolutely vital. You can dismiss not playing as a luxury but there is no society on earth that hasn't evolved with play as a fundamental part of child development.

'They were hoping, you know, to make new friends in - gasp- real life . But I guess it’s either I’m all right jack or friends are unnecessary. Some kids - the quiet/the shy/the nerdy - have really struggled. But silly them, eh?'

Yes and as schools are open they can go on making new friends.

Actual lockdowns are hard. Last Mar to July and then this Jan to Mar where everything barring essential shops was closed was not easy. It was for a reason though. It was not 'shameful treatment of children'.

My point is now, most things are open. Dc are generally all out playing together or socialising together. Now yes we can say it will have an impact on some for years to come but we can also say how well many have done and move on. Some on here have suggested missing leavers plays and leavers assemblies is utterly terrible. It really isn't, many have taking it in their stride.

I think that children and teenagers in particular have really suffered under the restrictions - the older generation and vulnerable were the reason we had the restrictions. That decision was made - over a year later the young's lives are still on hold - meanwhile the older generation and vulnerable are vaccinated most of them are back to normal. Schools and universities may be open but activities have been curtailed - their lives need to get back to normal.

@JaniieJones

You say things are generally open.

My ds still has not stepped foot on university campus. Not once. Definitely not open. No plans to either. Imagine paying all that money for the service not to actually be there?

Also can’t do an internship this summer. Don’t think that’s something you can do later on in your 20s without some significant financial burden (more!)

Your vibe is relentless and blindly positive and great, be rose tinted, but there’s such a thing as over optimism. You are refusing to acknowledge that children are being shafted . Don’t worry, I’m not anxious or negative to my children, I’m bloody furious for them.

"We are allowed to see people, they can get 'interaction and stimulation' from family and friends."

We are now, but we weren't for many months. Children without siblings went for months without having another child to play with.

'It was entirely unnecessary to stop children playing sport for a year - I mean, swimming ffs literally has chemicals to kill off the bloody thing'

Sports started as soon as lockdowns ended, so to say it was stopped 'for a year' is hyperbole very typical of this thread.

You know, swimming involves changing rooms, peoople gathering in small spaces etc. It isn't rocket science to work out why you couldn't have been able to go swimming. Well it shouldn't be..

'Your vibe is relentless and blindly positive and great'

Yes you should try it. Tbf I've had down days as have my dc. We are realistic and I do encourage sharing of negative feelings. But yes I'm a big advocate of it's a normal response to an extraordinary situation but find ways to help you cope, find strategies and tools. For a pp to moan about a baby cafe being shut when she is free to meet in a normal cafe is a typical example of some mnetters waah mentality.

Why are people complaining about missing sports day instead of the missing billions for catch-up?

Because it’s the delay to the roadmap that looms large in this week’s news, with all the knock-on effects that this will have on traditional childhood rites of passage and end of year events. It just exemplifies everything that young people have lost and are still losing, much of which is transient and irreplaceable.

Personally I also care very much about the government’s derisory catch up funding offer especially the way in which Early Years have been largely ignored and how as ever they seem narrowly focused on academic performance at the expense of child mental health and well-being. But that was last week’s piece of bad news, and many people are ground down and lack the bandwidth to consider all of these issues in the round. It’s just one thing after another.

Likewise no one on this thread is talking about the ethical minefield of repeatedly subjecting tiny children to invasive and distressing tests that will in the vast majority will turn out to be negative. There was a horrible thread on here just yesterday about a mother who was very upset about having to do this to their 2 year old. How have we still not come up with a better alternative for kids? It is beyond our scientific ken to develop a less invasive alternative, or is it just not a priority?

And no one seems to be considering what will happen when the preschoolers and toddlers who have missed out on so much early socialisation and real world experience start school over the next few years. Who will be supporting them? With which additional resources (hollow laugh)? Already friends and family working in Early Years are reporting much deeper inequality between new starters, more behaviour issues, speech and language delay etc. But it’s just tiny kids who have missed out on a few toddler music groups, so no one is paying any attention.