Grandparents don't me to visit from the north east - we are all vaccinated

[KEH1982]

Can I gather opinions please, I'm struggling to get my head around this.

My grandparents in the West Midlands are in their 80s and have been fully vaccinated for a while. They were strict (or so I've been told) regarding folks entering their house until they were vaccinated. I was under the impression they have had family members visit since then - alongside carer visits a couple of times a week.

I live in the north east (not in north Tyneside) and usually visit at this time of year with my young son, we are due to visit next week for half term. It's been two years since our last visit.

I've had my first vaccine and left booking our Airbnb til the last minute but I was looking forward to the trip and seeing my grandparents as well as my other relatives.

I've had a flurry of messages this evening from an aunt saying my grandparents don't want me to come into the house but instead stay in the garden due to the rise in cases 'in the North'.

Reported cases are higher in north Tyneside due to higher testing rates right?
Are hospital admissions higher?
Are our elderly relatives not safe when vaccinated?

I feel like a bloody leper and ready to cancel

I'm visiting my parents with my kids in half term. We've had one dose and gave lots of lateral flow tests. They're fully vaccinated. I'm not how going to put my eldest into a holiday club the day before as my mum was a bit concerned.

It does feel weird as cases don't actually seem to be much higher here than elsewhere, though they are rising a little.

Isn't Northumberland ok?

Reported cases are higher in north Tyneside due to higher testing rates right?

From what I could tell, there wasn't a huge amount of take up with the surge testing in NT. At least in the drop in ones.

They also established the issue rising through sewage testing.

@WarriorN

Isn't Northumberland ok?

It doesn't matter. The fact is her dgps are anxious and have requested garden visits only. In a week where it will be 20c just respect people's wishes.

Thanks for all the responses - some of them harder to hear than others I'll admit!

I'll not be bullying or forcing myself in anywhere I'm not wanted to go.

I said challenged as in I asked when they think we will be ok to visit normally and was met with 'this will never end' It's quite a sober realisation that your grandmother will die (non-COVID) related before we can do anything normally.

The upset for me is coming from the fact there hasn't been this rule for anyone else the last couple of days.

Thanks again for reading

I can see this from both sides but ultimately, if they don't want you inside (whatever their reasons or how unreasonable you think they're being), you have to accept it. Personally I would see them in the garden because that's better than nothing, but you have to respect their boundaries even if you don't agree with or understand them. And yes, speaking to them directly is probably a good idea!

Speak to them direct, see what they say. Weather is going to be much nicer next week, so no big deal. If you're likely to see them more than once and don't fancy the garden on both occasions, suggest a meet up in a local park, countryside location for a potter.

I know we're allowed to meet indoors but we're pretty much continuing to meet everyone outside around us - sort of got used to it and live in an area where people have constantly been careful. Also, how old is your DC, who I assume hasn't been vaccinated?! I know an instance where it's believed a four year old caught it from school staff, and passed it to DM. Vaccines don't provide 100% protection.

We just have to accept that we've all been/going through different things over the last year, and for some it'll take longer to get back to normality. Hope you manage to sort something out.

I've had my first vaccine

So, you’re not fully vaccinated then?
Sit in the garden for a couple of hours.

The weather’s going to be nice next week. I don’t see why you can’t comply with their request.

Your son is probably the most likely person to have and pass on covid in this scenario? And you are not fully vaccinated, it's not clear how much the first dose stops transmission of the Indian variant.

It does sound like they are being very cautious but why not do as they would like and meet outdoors? The weather is lovely now too so no reason not to sit in the garden.

Other people's anxiety is always irrational to other people yes this is very true - and conversely other people's lack of worry can seem irrational too.

We are all finding our way through this - I think the two extremes of either acting like it doesn't exist or refusing to leave the house at all are wrong but there's a huge grey are in the middle.

I have noticed I am more comfortable with some people than others. I have some relatives who I wouldn't want in the garden because I know they'll push a lot of boundaries, then I have other friends I am happy to have in the house. It might just be they don't know where your boundaries are if they don;t see you regularly.

Covid has really polarised some groups of people in how they think - my in-laws are the opposite to the OP; they think it's all a massively overblown conspiracy and are refusing their vaccines. MIL in particular is being a huge drama queen, has worked herself into several panic attacks when she sees people wearing masks and thinks about how we've all been hoodwinked, and is very scornful of us for following the rules, having our vaccinations etc.

I'm taking a live-and-let-live approach - we'll do our best for our own little family and try to respect our in-laws feelings and beliefs at the same time . . . that means keeping my mouth clamped shut a lot

I get this is upsetting. Had similar conversations with my parents- in their case they have relaxed a bit since having two vaccinations each but won’t really see anyone except for us right now.

However as weather looking up I’d just do the garden thing and try not to dwell too much. I wouldn’t bother with LFTs unless they ask.