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Original poster

Grandparents don't me to visit from the north east - we are all vaccinated

38 replies

KEH1982 · 26/05/2021 20:51

Can I gather opinions please, I'm struggling to get my head around this.

My grandparents in the West Midlands are in their 80s and have been fully vaccinated for a while. They were strict (or so I've been told) regarding folks entering their house until they were vaccinated. I was under the impression they have had family members visit since then - alongside carer visits a couple of times a week.

I live in the north east (not in north Tyneside) and usually visit at this time of year with my young son, we are due to visit next week for half term. It's been two years since our last visit.

I've had my first vaccine and left booking our Airbnb til the last minute but I was looking forward to the trip and seeing my grandparents as well as my other relatives.

I've had a flurry of messages this evening from an aunt saying my grandparents don't want me to come into the house but instead stay in the garden due to the rise in cases 'in the North'.

Reported cases are higher in north Tyneside due to higher testing rates right?
Are hospital admissions higher?
Are our elderly relatives not safe when vaccinated?

I feel like a bloody leper and ready to cancel Confused

OP posts:
Luzina · 26/05/2021 20:53

Ask your grandparents directly. If they don’t want to visit then I guess don’t visit, or stick to the garden. People are very freaked out by Covid

Luzina · 26/05/2021 20:53

*some people are very freaked out by Covid

GintyMcGinty · 26/05/2021 20:54

This pandemic has made people crazy.

I get why you are pissed off. Can you postpone a month?

Is it worth trying to speak to your grandparents directly? Is this really coming from them or is it the aunt?

PickAChew · 26/05/2021 20:57

We're no worse up here than some of the west Midlands, ffs!

Grandparents don't me to visit from the north east - we are all vaccinated
Original poster
KEH1982 · 26/05/2021 20:59

Up until now I've been very accepting of peoples cautiousness and I've been pretty cautious myself and not breaking any rules.

I'll ring my grandparents tomorrow myself to get the story straight from them.

I guess I just wonder when will this end? We are all vaccinated yet still not able to meet up properly - I live so far from this side of my family, it's a really bleak outlook

OP posts:
XenoBitch · 26/05/2021 20:59

Speak to your grandparents directly and find out what is going on.

Original poster
KEH1982 · 26/05/2021 21:00

@PickAChew

We're no worse up here than some of the west Midlands, ffs!
I'm actually in Northumberland.... I work from home, haven't been in any pubs or restaurants since they opened or anything
OP posts:
Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 26/05/2021 21:00

Would they feel better if you took a lateral flow test?

Original poster
KEH1982 · 26/05/2021 21:04

@Allmyarseandpeggymartin

Would they feel better if you took a lateral flow test?
I think that's going to be the only thing I can offer..... but I've come this far without having one!!

I really do feel a bit Hmm about testing my son and myself when we have no symptoms though

I know I'm probably being dramatic but the build up to a trip, waiting til it's all allowed and vaccines have been had and not travelling the past 18 months - so disappointed

OP posts:
peboh · 26/05/2021 21:04

Some people are terrified of covid. Even with the jab, especially now there's all the scaremongering around the Indian variant.
Speak to your grandparents directly, and if they say no, then respect their wishes. Be silently annoyed, but at the end of the day if they're scared, they're scared.

Original poster
KEH1982 · 26/05/2021 21:07

Wishes will be respected all around, no worries about that.

The 5 1/2 hour drive is going to feel a whole lot longer now!

OP posts:
Ilovecrumpets · 26/05/2021 21:53

Hey OP I have this with my parent as well ( who actually lives in the north east so I’m the opposite way round to you!). Double vaccinated as am I. Still doesn’t want me and the kids to stay and only to meet in the garden.

It’s hard isn’t it - and I’m not sure when they will feel comfortable again. It’s very sad.

Original poster
KEH1982 · 26/05/2021 22:04

I've managed to speak to them and what's clear is that all the conspiracy theories are being taken in well!

I challenged when this will end (my grandma is in awful health and there's no guarantee she will still be with us next year) - "that's the thing it will never end!" Was the reply - it's just so bleak

I have a lot of family down there and they have all been in and visited this last weekend for a birthday so it's plainly obvious my geography is causing an issue Grin

Currently researching child and puppy friendly activities to take up our days!

OP posts:
MRex · 27/05/2021 05:41

They aren't behaving rationally to have a bunch of family over in West Midlands, yet class NE as more dangerous so you can't come. It doesn't sound much fun for you going there, and what's worrying is if this leads you to feeling resentful or just plain pissed off with them all. I'd leave the trip until summer holidays @KEH1982, when you'll be double jabbed and hopefully the India variant will have been squashed back into a trickle of cases. Can you do something else actually fun for half term holidays instead, visit someone else who's keen to see you both?

picturesandpickles · 27/05/2021 05:50

Would it hurt you to be in their garden? You sound a bit of a bully, they're 80, they've got some residual worry - how does it harm you to sit in the garden?

Jasmine245 · 27/05/2021 05:55

I made almost the same post about my parents last week so you have my sympathies OP. Mine are only in their 60s/70s and don't even want to see us outside. It is so sad and I think what you said about the timescale is exactly right. Now feels like one of the safest times so I just don't see when they will ever want to meet.

BonnieDundee · 27/05/2021 05:56

Would it hurt you to be in their garden? You sound a bit of a bully, they're 80, they've got some residual worry - how does it harm you to sit in the garden?

I don't see how the OP is bit of a bully at all.Shock she had a conversation with them about it and it sounds like she is going to respect their wishes even though she doesn't agree

denverRegina · 27/05/2021 05:57

"I challenged when this will end (my grandma is in awful health and there's no guarantee she will still be with us next year) - "that's the thing it will never end!" Was the reply - it's just so bleak"

Well it sounds like she's got good reason to be concerned, as will your Aunt who presumably helps look after her.

You must have a very small child not even primary aged, they're known for their germs and lack of social distancing skills so it could just be that. The garden will be fine.

Rosehip10 · 27/05/2021 06:01

@keh1982 the whole point of lateral flow tests is to pick up asymptomatic covid, so you do indeed do them with no symptoms.

picturesandpickles · 27/05/2021 06:05

@BonnieDundee

Would it hurt you to be in their garden? You sound a bit of a bully, they're 80, they've got some residual worry - how does it harm you to sit in the garden?

I don't see how the OP is bit of a bully at all.Shock she had a conversation with them about it and it sounds like she is going to respect their wishes even though she doesn't agree

For me it's the word 'challenged' - people are allowed to be wrong, and presumably the relatives who are there the whole time are not full conspiracy theorists.

I just wouldn't care if someone said 'can we stay in the garden'.

nether · 27/05/2021 06:50

Reported cases are higher in north Tyneside due to higher testing rates right?

No, not really - the number of tests has increased, but the proportion of positive tests has also risen, which indicates genuine increase.

I think meeting in the garden is fine, so this wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Have you worked out why it bothers you? Is it that being in the garden is in some way anathema to you? Or is this a case of being miffed that you're not getting your way?

You say that your DGM in particular is in very poor health.

I can entirely see why her wishes should be respected. The vaccine (probably) means she wouldn't die if she caught covid. But even the mild/moderate forms can leave you very unwell for a couple of weeks and think people should decide for themselves which precautions they wish to take, over and above the nationally mandated ones.

Those who were advised to shield at any point have different guidelines, which include limiting gatherings especially indoors

itoldyouiwasill100 · 27/05/2021 07:07

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AfternoonToffee · 27/05/2021 07:21

I'm in a similar situation, forecast is good for the weekend so will stay in the garden. More important to see people.

We're stopping in a premier Inn even though we could legally stay at the house.

SueSaid · 27/05/2021 07:21

Oh why did you ring them when your aunt had already said not to visit or stay in the garden? It's nice weather next week wtf is wrong with a garden visit!

Other people's anxiety is always irrational to other people but just have some understanding and be nice not pushy.

nether · 27/05/2021 07:26

If they are not safe indoors now they never will be

Yes, that's the reality for households which contain extremely vulnerable people.

And we need to make our own choices about what additional mitigations we choose (the de-shielding letter contained several suggestions)

It's really shit to be branded as irrational for following advice appropriate to level of vulnerability at this stage. Please don't do that to your DGPs