Made the decision not to have the vaccine yet, worried I’ll be treated like a leper

[Daffodilsinthewindow]

I have debilitating health anxiety and it’s ruined many years of my life. I’ve currently got it control and haven’t had a ‘relapse’ for a while. I’m absolutely terrified of the vaccine. I’m 31, so my age group has just been called up. All my friends and family keep asking me if I’ve booked it. I just keep saying “I will do”.

My health anxiety has meant several trips to A&E when I was on the contraceptive pill a few years ago, over fears of a blood clot, so that in turn has meant I haven’t been on it since.

I’m making an informed decision, taking my mental health into account...just like somebody would do if they had a physical health issue.

I’m not saying I’ll never have the vaccine, but I do want to wait a while as I feel it’s too soon for me personally. I’m not an anti vaxxer, I don’t believe in conspiracy theories about Bill Gates or microchips or anything like that. This is just a personal decision I have made about my body.
Pre covid, me making decisions about my body and mind to benefit me and not cause my mental health to spiral out of control, would be supported. Now I know I will get judged, talked at, made to feel small and as though I’m doing the wrong thing, not helping society etc etc.

Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar position?

I’m baffled. How can you possibly be more worried about a vaccine that very few people have had any ill effects from than about COVID that many millions of people have died from?

Me.

You must absolutely do what is right for your own body and your own self.

It's absolutely nobody else's business, nor place to criticise and/or try to 'talk you round'.

What are your concerns about the vaccine, and what will you be looking for in the future data to relieve those concerns? What sort of evidence would you find more convincing? Who will provide that evidence, and how will you analyse it?

Could your health anxiety not worsen from not having the vaccine, and knowing that there are unspecified risks around having it, or about passing it on to people you love, or social phobia increased by other people not wanting or not being able to be around you? I think it's important to consider those aspects as well, and balance them out with the relief you feel with not having it now, to decide if this really is better, or if it's just the short-term relief you feel at having made a decision (which we all get!). Any vaccine risk is generally a one-time risk, whereas the risk of getting covid, the anxiety around potentially getting or spreading it, the anxiety around getting long covid, the worry about being treated like a leper etc, all of those are ongoing risks, and I wonder if their cumulative effects will end up making your mental health worse.

Perhaps it would help if you had a specific time in mind where you can tell yourself you will re-evaluate the data (and how), examine the evidence for what is concerning you, see how it matches the criteria you have set for what would be sufficient evidence, see how other aspects of your life are working out etc., as otherwise a long, unspecified, 'not ready yet' period could end up dragging on and making a fear bigger than it might otherwise have been. It also makes it clearer to you what your fears actually are, and what - if anything - would ever convince you, and then you can make a plan based around that, either looking for/waiting for that evidence, or giving yourself a date to review it, or accepting that deep down, you've decided not to have it, etc. Just leaving it all up in the air sounds like a good way to increase anxiety because of all the uncertainty.

@AleynEivlys

Me.

You must absolutely do what is right for your own body and your own self.

It's absolutely nobody else's business, nor place to criticise and/or try to 'talk you round'.

And did you also say that to people who didnt fancy lockdowns?

Can you get your GP to prescribe a Valium and then go get the shot? That's what I do with smears.

Also YABU because you're not even getting AZ, so the blood clot risk isn't a factor.

OP: seek help for your health anxiety. It'll involve challenging your ideas about how you keep yourself safe, and it'll be difficult and uncomfortable. This isn't primarily about the Covid jab, but you may find that when your anxiety is under better control, you're able to make decisions about things like this much more freely, without being compelled into particular courses of action by your fear.

@siestalady

Nailed it.

@siestalady I don't follow?

I also don't understand why people are trying to compare not having the vaccine to not complying with lockdown... Bit of a straw man argument! OP doesn't say anything about lockdown. Staying at home doesn't have any risks...
And I do remember loads of posters here saying it was ok to break lockdown if you had a medical reason to, e.g. mums of autistic children were told it was fine to go out and exercise their children multiple times a day. People's attitudes have really changed!

Depends if you're more anxious about getting the vaccine or more anxious about getting COVID itself.. the latter is statistically worse

Its comparative because vaccines/lockdowns are both doing something that you might choose for yourself, but do it anyway for the greater good of society.

I find it interesting that when it comes to vaccines the narrative seems to lean far more towards "you do you hun" whereas when it came to lockdowns it was "STAY AT HOME AND PROTECT EVERYONE ELSE".

@confuseddotcomma

I also don't understand why people are trying to compare not having the vaccine to not complying with lockdown... Bit of a straw man argument! OP doesn't say anything about lockdown. Staying at home doesn't have any risks... And I do remember loads of posters here saying it was ok to break lockdown if you had a medical reason to, e.g. mums of autistic children were told it was fine to go out and exercise their children multiple times a day. People's attitudes have really changed!

Yeah, lockdown was legally enforced. The vaccine isn't. Bit crap to compare the two.

@confuseddotcomma

I also don't understand why people are trying to compare not having the vaccine to not complying with lockdown... Bit of a straw man argument! OP doesn't say anything about lockdown. Staying at home doesn't have any risks... And I do remember loads of posters here saying it was ok to break lockdown if you had a medical reason to, e.g. mums of autistic children were told it was fine to go out and exercise their children multiple times a day. People's attitudes have really changed!

There was never a limit on the number of times you could go out for exercise

Thanks for all the replies. It’s good to hear other people’s perspectives.

I was very anxious about covid at the start, but as time has gone on, I’ve become much less worried about it. I think, for me, it’s the idea of a substance being injected into my body and I don’t know how my body will react. To put my anxieties into perspective, I even struggle to take antibiotics and can only take them if someone else is in the house with me for a couple of hours afterwards, in case I have a reaction. I won’t take meds for my anxiety and depression either, for the same reason. It may seem completely illogical to some of you, but to me it’s a huge deal.
With covid, I feel as though it’s a virus and viruses are natural and take their course. Obviously I hope I don’t get it, I’m pretty sure we’ve all had it already last march and we’ve been exposed to it several times since then too as my DP is a secondary teacher and he’s had to isolate a few times now. We were in a hard hit area in the Autumn as well.

As you mention blood clots, I just wanted to add that the vaccines you would be offered at your age (Pfizer or Moderna) do not have an increased blood clot risk associated with them - there haven't been any of the VITT cases with those, only with the AZ vaccine.

OP How is your fear of catching Covid?

Using the most up-to-date data, the total number of deaths involving COVID-19 in England and Wales is almost 140,000 (139,790 registrations up to 14 May 2021). 45% of deaths involving COVID-19 were among people aged UNDER 75 years. So that's 63,000 deaths of people under the age of 75. That's a lot, an awful and terrible lot. Doesn't count those with long-covid symptoms, which also includes blood clots, thicker blood, heart problems, long term brain fogginess, inability to work and carry on with life as normal.

Deaths possibly linked to blood clots caused by the vaccine I think is 7?

Are you absolutely sure that your anxiety is well placed, and you can't see the logic in getting the vaccine?

I understand where you are coming from health anxiety wise. DP had the astra zenaca one and apparently if you going to get clots its within the 1st 2 weeks so I can stop worrying about him Saturday.
2 things that might help you change your mind.
1, you will have pfizer or modena so no chance of clots at all. I had pfizer yesterday and it wasnt mentioned on the list of side effects.
2, if you get covid you are at risk of blood clots.
So if you get the Pfizer or modena one you are in fact reducing your risk of blood clots.
Try and look at it that way and trick your brain into it if you can.

@siestalady Sorry, I see what you mean now. I don't think I know anyone who actively broke lockdown rules, but no, I wouldn't have said anything. If someone wants to get fined, or challenged by the police, or whatever, then that's up to them and their risk to take.

However, while we still have the choice not to take the vaccine without risk of fining or any legal repercussion (who knows whether or how long that will last) then in my opinion it's nobody's place to be critical of somebody else's decision, whether that decision is to have the vaccine or not.

I'm not anti-vax. I do, however, find the arrogance of some - who assume that they know what is right for somebody else, and often somebody they don't even know - astounding.

(I don't mean you, as I don't know your views on the matter - just trying to answer your question.)

Its nobodies descision but yours, if you don't want it than then that's your choice!

Unfortunately you will get judged, for some reason everyone thinks they have a right to have a opinion on those who don't have it. Try not to justify your reason for not having it to anybody, you don't need to.

I too suffer from anxiety (not health) and know some of the things that help me or make things worse.

I know that I would be really worried about feeling guilty and that affecting my mental health long term, if someone I knew got ill and didn't just brush it off, especially if they got long covid or ended up in hospital or worse. I was always far more worried about bringing it to my mum, for example, than I was about anything happening to me. And knowing that chance was reduced if I had the vaccine was a reason for getting it, because I knew the guilt would eat away at me forever. My mind has always been like that!

The injected substance is a bit of mRNA like in the actual virus. You never know in advance how you will react to random new viruses, either, so there is also risk in not doing something. We often focus on the risk of our actions, and are much more likely to ignore the risk of our inactions, when really, we need to think about them both and consider the overall risk before making decisions. One side feels more controllable than the other, but it's not. You are making a risk- based choice both by having it and by not having it, and people forget that. There are consequences to both sides.

The Pfizer one didn't give me many side effects at all, apart from being a little tired. It was totally worth it to me to reduce my worry about feeling guilt in the future. That worry isn't gone, but it has reduced a bit.

You don't have to tell the whole world about your health decisions. I've a friend who hasn't vaccinated her children but only a select few of us know.

There are steps you can take to be a good society member while being unvaccinated. You will need to wear a mask longer and pay more attention to social distance rules. You should be especially mindful of exposing yourself to clinically vulnerable people.

You could look at that as being treated like a leper or you could look at it as a positive action on your part, taking responsibility for your decisions.

@sergeilavrov

Hi. It isn't a live vaccine so people with immune system problems or who are immunosuppressed can still have it, though it may not be as effective as it might be in a healthy individual. There are actually very few groups who can't have the vaccine for legitimate medical reasons: those with severe allergies to ingredients and certain blood disorders, I believe. Correct me if I am wrong, though.

I would understand even though I am pretty pro vax.
It might make me wary about spending time with you but purely from a point of view of Covid spread rather than judgement
I am pretty pissed off with the uninformed idiots who think they know better than the MHRA what is safe and what isn’t but for them they won’t have the vaccine but you can’t OP, which is different.
Please do try and get some help though for your own sake.

@AleynEivlys I agree the numbers are thankfully smaller than normal vaccines - but Johns Hopkins found just 8% of those on anti-metabolites maintained antibody response after vaccination. Hence these people rely on people like OP being vaccinated or staying away from them. Having read OP’s update, however, it seems this isn’t health anxiety given the laissez faire approach to ‘just a virus passing through, we’ve all had it’ that killed 3m people.