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Original poster

I won’t get to see this friend will I?

35 replies

absogutted · 15/05/2021 18:04

Haven’t seen any friends since May 2019 due to seriously ill mental health and then pandemic . Have seen just my grandmother, an uncle and a cousin . No one else .

Very, very good friend - like a mum to me - promised we’d go out for lunch over summer and I’d get a big hug, if all’s back to normal; she has shielding relatives at home as do I . Both of us vaccinated and promised to do a lateral flow first .

I’m utterly desperate to see her and give her a huge hug; I’ve missed her so much it hurts . Desperately need social contact from someone, anyone but would love to see her especially . She lives same county but two hours drive away .

I’m guessing with the news that there’s now another wave incoming, that won’t be happening, and I stupidly just want to sit and cry . I know it’s stupid, I know it’s so so minor and small compared to deaths and job losses and economy falling apart around us ... but I just wanted a hug from her and can’t bear the thought that it won’t be happening, and am dreading the thought of another several months spent at home seeing no one . Absolutely gutted .

OP posts:
ChocOrange1 · 15/05/2021 18:09

If you're both vaccinated why can't you just see her tomorrow? Rates are currently really low, especially if you don't live in Bolton or Erewash. 2 hours away isn't that far.

ColouringPencils · 15/05/2021 18:09

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Let yourself have a big cry, you will feel better for it. For what it's worth, I think you will be able to see your friend. Even if you do have to meet outside in a pub garden, that will still be perfectly possible in the summer I'm sure. But I get that today's news is unsettling, I have been feeling anxious about it too for the first time in a long time. Maybe you could make an arrangement with your friend that can be flexed to outdoors if necessary?

PotteringAlong · 15/05/2021 18:12

Just drive to see her tomorrow?

TooManyPlatesInMotion · 15/05/2021 18:15

Go and see her. You need it. Flowers

Do it now! Why wait?

Abraxan · 15/05/2021 18:16

As of Monday you can visit her, indoors, and hug her if you want.
Almost all vulnerable people have had the chance to be vaccinated now, so hopefully the variant won't translate into hospitalisation or worse.

Can you go sooner rather than later, if you are concerned about another lockdown?

Fwiw I am fairly optimistic that we won't be plunged back into lockdowns unless it become a catastrophic issue, which due to our vaccination programme it shouldn't be,

Moondust001 · 15/05/2021 18:16

Are either of you vulnerable? If not, I know someone will blast me for saying this, but just go and see her. Indoor meet ups will be allowed soon, and even if they weren't, there is a point in time when the damage of being this isolated overrules the (very, very) small risk of catching Covid. And the vast majority of people who get it have milder cases. It sounds like you need this person more than you need to stay in your bubble, and if it stops you getting back to the stage that you were in in May 2019, then definitely reasonable and called for. Not everything is about, or can be about, the virus. Be sensible, but go.

Happyrascalsmummy · 15/05/2021 18:19

Go and see her. A 2 hour drive really isn't that long, many commuters do it regularly.

Porcupineintherough · 16/05/2021 02:39

Go next week. Then, if things go better than anticipated, you could see her again in the summer.

NotBot · 16/05/2021 06:05

Go see her tomorrow! Or next weekend! 2 hours isn’t far at all, I drive that most weekends to take the kids to different activities! Admittedly there & back.. but if you are going for a full day trip, it’s not far! You can go inside, hug, go out for lunch.. so much to enjoy! 🙌🏼😊

BitOfAFaff · 16/05/2021 06:25

I wouldn't wait. It changes tomorrow so today isn't going to make a difference.

You're both vaccinated and both doing LFT. Enjoy yourself.

newnortherner111 · 16/05/2021 06:34

Why not meet for lunch outside? There will be some days without rain, even if they have been rare this month.

starfish4 · 16/05/2021 07:04

As others have said, arrange to see your friend as soon as you can. You can meet up outside for a walk in park/countryside and lunch, still distancing if that makes you feel better. You could hug with a mask on as that'll be safer.

Imnothereforthedrama · 16/05/2021 07:42

Just go and make plans to see her .

Katie517 · 16/05/2021 07:48

You know you have been able to meet 1 other person in some form or another the whole time don’t you? 2hours in the same county is hardly travel is it? Basically if you wanted to go that badly you would have been already or planning to next week. Some people do seem to enjoy prolonging their misery for no logical reason.

Katie517 · 16/05/2021 07:53

Sorry my last post sounded a bit unnecessarily harsh! But there really is no reason not to see your friend today if you wanted too. The media and social media have been vile the last 2 days scaremongering and spreading doom but in reality things are still looking very positive! Smile

TheKeatingFive · 16/05/2021 07:57

I’m not even sure I understand your OP. Just see her. What’s stopping you?

Whatapalavaa · 16/05/2021 08:28

You can see eachother whenever you like Hmm

Original poster
absogutted · 16/05/2021 09:31

It’s quite complicated - will take a lot of explaining and sound a bit odd but can’t just meet up as and when; she used to ‘support’ me (eg teacher, social worker, GP) so it’s very one much her terms only/one-sided - and she said wants to wait until July to be absolutely certain would be low risk which was happy to do when it looked like July would be back to normalish ... That sounds stupid and a bit desperate on my part perhaps but it usually works OK pre covid, usually meet once a year or so . I probably should have explained that in the OP but I’m aware it sounds odd meeting up with someone like that for lunch and seeing them as ‘mum’ figure . You can see where the mental health comes in ....

So haven’t been able to pop down and see her or I’d go this afternoon .... I’m a non driver too (cant afford to) which doesn’t help !

Fingers crossed things remain OKish or enough that we’d still be allowed to move freely ish in July . Hopefully !

OP posts:
MRex · 16/05/2021 10:08

It'll be fine, you'll be able to see her.

I think you need to develop more of a support network where you live. Ideally friends of a similar age where you don't feel they hold the power to decide when to see you. New friends aren't a support network for a long while, you want to show your positive side first, but even just the distraction can help enormously. Things are starting to open up, can you look into joining some local groups to meet people?

Original poster
absogutted · 16/05/2021 10:15

@MRex

It'll be fine, you'll be able to see her.

I think you need to develop more of a support network where you live. Ideally friends of a similar age where you don't feel they hold the power to decide when to see you. New friends aren't a support network for a long while, you want to show your positive side first, but even just the distraction can help enormously. Things are starting to open up, can you look into joining some local groups to meet people?

Yes that’s just what I was thinking writing that - that it’s not ideal at all putting all my eggs in one basket so to speak ... I’m quite rural but will look into it, trying to build up socialising online and stuff too . Thanks 😊
OP posts:
lljkk · 16/05/2021 10:16

Keeping to the strictest interpretation of 'the best rules' is fundamentally unsustainable.

The idea of these restrictions-lifted periods is to make the other times bearable -- when rules need to be strict. Even if OP is incredibly scrupulous, the future might have stricter rules. Don't waste this opportunity to safely see your friend.

MRex · 16/05/2021 10:19

Good luck with finding new friends, you could start up posts in other parts of the forum to get help with ideas if you need to.

Ostara212 · 16/05/2021 10:21

OP
I have a similar thing with a mum figure

It's really hard because I know I need to make other friends but now is not possible

I hear you Flowers

LauraLovesLemons · 16/05/2021 11:08

Get the risks in proportion. If you're vaccinated, being sensible and not seeing anyone much in day to day life (apart from shielding relatives), wearing masks, and washing hands, the risk of being a Covid carrier and very tiny in almost all parts of the country.
If on top of this, you also do a LFT before you meet, the risk of having Covid that day really are minuscule - and because you're both vaccinated, even with that one in a 1000 chance of being a carrier, you're unlikely to pass it on / catch it to or from your friend.
And if you're worried about the variant, do it sooner rather than later.

Ostara212 · 16/05/2021 11:13

@LauraLovesLemons

Get the risks in proportion. If you're vaccinated, being sensible and not seeing anyone much in day to day life (apart from shielding relatives), wearing masks, and washing hands, the risk of being a Covid carrier and very tiny in almost all parts of the country. If on top of this, you also do a LFT before you meet, the risk of having Covid that day really are minuscule - and because you're both vaccinated, even with that one in a 1000 chance of being a carrier, you're unlikely to pass it on / catch it to or from your friend. And if you're worried about the variant, do it sooner rather than later.
Read the full thread

OP would go today

If the friend is worried, that's the issue.