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Original poster

Funeral rules are inhumane.

65 replies

RaspberryCoulis · 17/04/2021 11:00

A 94 year old (vaccinated) has just lost her DH of 73 years, and has to sit socially distanced from her children, all of whom are 55+ and also presumably vaccinated, at the funeral.

It's fucking inhumane. It's inhumane whether it's the Queen or Lizzie Jones from a council estate.

OP posts:
coodawoodashooda · 17/04/2021 11:02

Yes. Especially when the rf are clearly not going to the supermarket and exposed to the germs the rest of us are. Doubt she'll be bothered. She coped with that Oprah nonsense the other day, this will be less horrifying than that I'd think.

Eyewhisker · 17/04/2021 11:02

Totally agree except that if it was Lizzie from the council estate, people would turn a blind eye to the rules and allow someone to sit beside her on compassion grounds.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 17/04/2021 11:03

But Lizzie Jones did have to do it - that's rather the point isn't it?

user1495884673 · 17/04/2021 11:05

As she is now a single person, she can form a bubble with another household who she won't have to socially distance from.

WonkyCactus · 17/04/2021 11:05

I know, it's awful. I hope someone breaks ranks and goes to comfort her if she needs it.

Wineloffa · 17/04/2021 11:06

They are in humane and awful. My Granny died recently and due to travel restrictions I couldn’t get to the funeral so I had to watch it online. Seeing her coffin in an almost empty church broke my heart. She had 10 children, 25 grandchildren, 15 grandchildren and so many neighbors and friends. That church should have been packed to the rafters. Sad she didn’t get the funeral she des

Original poster
RaspberryCoulis · 17/04/2021 11:06

@Eyewhisker

Totally agree except that if it was Lizzie from the council estate, people would turn a blind eye to the rules and allow someone to sit beside her on compassion grounds.
Well exactly, most funerals don't have the world's media and a viewing audience in the millions.

If that was my mum I'd just go and sit next to her and my sister would do the same.

But they can't, because they know the Covid police would have an absolute field day. Hopefully the scenes of Queenie sitting there looking bereft while her children sit appropriately socially distanced, with their masks on, unable to comfort her in the smallest way, will give people a bit of a wake-up to the ways in which the pandemic has destroyed many events like this.

At this stage, completely unnecessary. And yes, they'll all be straight back into the castle for a private dinner/wake with no social distancing and masks, and that's how it should be.

OP posts:
Wineloffa · 17/04/2021 11:06

Sorry posted too soon..

*sad she didn’t get the funeral she deserved.

BogRollBOGOF · 17/04/2021 11:06

I completely agree.

Many of those who have lost loved ones in the past year for whatever reason, must have found it so much harder to deal with without the normal access to company, routines, rituals and distractions.

Many find the first year tough with all the firsts, but people haven't really gone through that process either.

Flowers
romdowa · 17/04/2021 11:08

Hopefully she will be comforted in private by her family. Its mad that I can go into an Asda/ aldi etc that's filled with people and they can stand right up my arse but a grieving old woman cant be comforted in public.

Wineloffa · 17/04/2021 11:09

@BogRollBOGOF I definitely haven’t grieved properly because I couldn’t go home and go through those normal rituals. I’m carrying a lot of grief around with me right now which is not healthy.

Vanillarose1 · 17/04/2021 11:13

I'm a funeral celebrant - this wouldn't happen at any of the crematoriums that I work in. It is left entirely to the families discretion and staff have been even kinder to the bereaved if that is even possible.

I took a service for a lady who would have had a hundred people at her funeral in normal times. Her daughter chose to come alone with just a friend for support. We created a beautiful service and at the end, we talked about how the daughter had had to share her Mum with everyone for her whole life and at the end it was just the two of them - she had been dreading it but left feeling that she had given her Mum the perfect, intimate send off.

It is still possible to have a 'good' funeral in these times as long as you work with caring, experienced people.

LindaEllen · 17/04/2021 11:17

@Eyewhisker

Totally agree except that if it was Lizzie from the council estate, people would turn a blind eye to the rules and allow someone to sit beside her on compassion grounds.
No, they wouldn't. My DP works for a funeral company and they have been so, so strict about the rules. Crematoriums state that the funeral companies have to enforce the rules or they will be reported and probably fined heftily.

In fairness, I supported the rules at the beginning of the pandemic. 30 members of staff caught covid before the rules were being enforced properly, and one of them died, at my DP's company.

But now? When so many people are vaccinated and cases are so low? I struggle to support the rules.

Abraxan · 17/04/2021 11:17

In my experience the rules are ignored and left to the family's discretion.

We've had 3 family funerals under the covid rules - numbers changed for each from 10, to 15 and then to 30.

Yes, it's totally rubbish to go through.

But at all, the grieving party wasn't left to sit alone. And no one stopped them.

I suspect if this funeral wasn't being filmed then she'd have someone at her side. I also suspect beings closed doors they are doing what most other families are doing in these circumstances. They'll be comforting their mum in they way they feel best, regardless of covid rules.

veeeeh · 17/04/2021 11:18

I don't understand this at all. Surely the remainder 29 people will be seated in the chapel albeit socially distanced. Is it protocol or just Covid I wonder that the Queen must sit alone?

Surely her four kids could sit with her suitably distanced, or am I missing something like a message to the subjects that this is what has to be done. Puzzled.

Lockheart · 17/04/2021 11:19

Good god, they're not televising the service surely? I thought they'd "just" be filming the procession.

I admit I haven't paid this an awful lot of attention, but are they really televising the actual service?

zafferana · 17/04/2021 11:20

It is inhumane, I agree, but the Queen will cope with today like she has coped with many other awful and difficult days when the world is watching. She will be dignified and stoic, I have no doubt, while doing her grieving in private, with her family and her friends, who have been with all week. She may sit alone today, but she is not alone in life.

BluebellsGreenbells · 17/04/2021 11:21

She may well prefer this to entertaining 800 people at the castle having to feed and water them for hours.

babbi · 17/04/2021 11:29

@BluebellsGreenbells

She may well prefer this to entertaining 800 people at the castle having to feed and water them for hours.
Possibly this .

My uncle died recently ( young ) and my aunt said she loved and felt relieved that so few could attend .
It made the day slightly less stressful , she was prohibited from having people for lunch etc .
In fact , there was only 6 including myself in her bubble that she had to talk to .

She said she would have been overwhelmed having to “ host “ funeral guests .

Whippet · 17/04/2021 11:29

@BluebellsGreenbells

She may well prefer this to entertaining 800 people at the castle having to feed and water them for hours.
Yes, I thought that too. In many ways this will end up being the sort of small scale family funeral the DofE wanted!
OpheliasCrayon · 17/04/2021 13:02

I'm not so sure it's about whether she is comforted or not.... I'm wondering if it's a safety reasons - the 30 people who are coming are all from different bubbles and I'm not so sure that it's the best idea to take any risks with the queen getting covid. I know she's had the vaccination but still...... I'm hoping I'm right and it's for this reason and not just to follow the rules to the letter because as you say... That's inhumane

Quartz2208 · 17/04/2021 13:17

I dont think the Queen will see it that way. I suspect she also recognises that her chance to do this properly during Covid is doing what she has always done and what Prince Philip did - serve the country by leading the way and respecting the rules.

In a way I think she may well take comfort from the fact that it is almost fitting that his final act of duty is to have the small family funeral (with his german relatives) and follow the rules

Unsure33 · 17/04/2021 13:29

You think that’s inhumane try going to a joint funeral where the couple could have no family around them to hold their hands when they died of covid within 7 days of each other

Then only having 10 people to say goodbye .

That’s difficult

Guess what , I blame the virus , no one else .

Unsure33 · 17/04/2021 13:32

@zafferana

Yes exactly.

She will do her grieving in private .

He led a good interesting life and I am sure that’s what she will focus on .

LaurieFairyCake · 17/04/2021 13:35

She will absolutely see it as her duty to follow the rules laid down

You and I have the luxury of breaking the rules (and I have) but she doesn't Sad

That's why it's a gilded cage for her. I think she's remarkable.