Refusing to go out until zero covid

[IrmaFayLear]

Bil and sil have not been out since March 2020. They wfh, in 50s with no health conditions at all. They have both been fully vaccinated - two doses (sil’s best friend is a GP ). Dh was speaking to bil yesterday and he said it’s not safe until cases are zero worldwide, and that because they care so much about each other (!) they have decided that they cannot take any risk.

Are there many people like this? I was in the shielding category and although I have been ultra cautious, I have still gone for walks, dashed into the chemist in a hazmat suit etc etc. I wonder if they are extreme outliers or whether there will be more recluses now, feeling fully justified.

@SerenaRollsAGoodWay

Ridiculous to suggest they have not left their homes for a year. That just cannot be true.

It can, @SerenaRollsAGoodWay. PIL are the same. Since about mid-February 2020 they have left the house to attend two vaccine appointments at the local leisure centre, and PIL had an outpatients appointment in October.

All shopping is delivered from a range of supermarkets, anything they run out of they will call SIL who lives close by and she'll drop it off (but is not allowed in the house). They do not go shopping, don't leave the house for a walk or anything else. They have a smallish garden and that's the extent of their world.

My neighbours are like this. Early 40s. He had pneumonia three years ago and on this basis says he is "shielding" on his GP's advice but is also not in any of the vaccine priority groups 🤔 so not been vaccinated yet. I had believed that he was genuinely shielding so expressed mild surprise when his wife said he wasn't even in group 6, and she got the hump with me because of my reaction and won't speak to me now! Seriously, I think I just looked surprised and confused and said "oh, is he not in group 6?" or something, nothing bad!

I sometimes see her walking round in circles in her tiny garden. She won't go for a walk from her house as she says there are too many people on the pavement to pass safely (live in a village and its really not very busy). The only time they go out is to occasionally get in car and go for a walk somewhere remote. She also puts her mask on when walking past anyone outside.

I feel bad for them but also a bit annoyed that she won't speak to me any more. Obviously very touchy about the excuse they've been giving for the last year not holding up when it comes to vaccine priorities....Would having had pneumonia once even put you at greater risk (with no other health conditions)?

Would having had pneumonia once even put you at greater risk (with no other health conditions)

I don’t believe it does no, BUT, pneumonia can be really frightening and I can understand wishing to avoid a repeat experience if at all possible.

I honestly feel for these people who are so ridiculously risk averse. What’s the point of doing all this to “stay alive” when your life consists of being indoors, or walking around your garden for the next year or two? I’d rather take the risk with Covid!

@IrmaFayLear

The thing is they don’t seem anxious - more convinced of their own rectitude and telling dh he is in the wrong.

Fwiw they have a very successful business and very large house, so not cooped up.

My DF was very like this when his anxiety was bad, though. He shouted at me for driving on the motorway (in my 20s) because he was anxious about crashes. Of course if your anxiety has convinced you that something is dangerous, you’ll think that other people doing it are in the wrong.

What’s the point of doing all this to “stay alive” when your life consists of being indoors, or walking around your garden for the next year or two?

Exactly. Life’s for living, not merely existing.

Agrophobia will increase exponentially following Covid.

They will be waiting a very long time!

I think some people have developed this sadly as the govt rammed home the message that being near anyone else is going to lead to you ending up in ICU.

Reality is covid is now here to stay in some way or another hopefully lower case numbers but its not disappearing.
Your DH has nothing to feel guilty or worried about you have both been vaccinated and even if not pubs have loads of control measures.

Your more likely to get it from your child and asystomatic cases (we did!)

I don't know anyone exactly like this, but I do know people who have shut themselves away quite a lot to the point of being extreme. Not been in a shop and only just about dared to go for a walk. Wouldn't even eat a takeaway, bleach their shopping and quarantine their post.

I think the government really really terrified people last year and some people haven't been able to come through the other side.

Personally I feel we were all taken for fools in many ways. But for others they are very much still in that frame of mind of fear.

I agree that this is the governments fear based campaign coming home to roost. I’m just surprised that even this small proportion of the young and healthy didn’t see right through it at the time.

At some point they will feel silly not going out, zero covid or not.

Or at least they will be convinced covid is gone because it has stopped being reported.
I'm sure there are others like this, although I don't have personal knowledge of any.

Just let them be.

I also think that there has become a mentality with a lot of people that you are more virtuous if you don't do anything.

That it's immoral if you do anything unnecessary or purely for enjoyment that could possibly spread the virus.

That staying home and suffering is right and proper. Not everyone is like this but some people are. That non essential message has been drummed in so much that people are going beyond the basic rules and guidelines.

I doubt they really will stay in until its gone worldwide, that will be years. Remember all the government ads are still telling people to stay at home and scary. It will reinforce that they are right and you are wrong. But bit by bit when this all stops, when the TV isn't full of people 2m apart, when its clear that other people are getting on with life, they might start feeling safe, even if there is covid elsewhere.

Dont argue or try go change them. Just get on with your life.

Dont make a big deal of it either or else they might feel they are being judged and dig their heels in more.

But I wouldn't enable them.

They sound delightfully crackers @IrmaFayLear. You must never go nc with them. They are thread fodder.

In all seriousness though this is the result of the governments stay at home message, people can be very literal & you have to handle them carefully.

I know a few people who feel that way. Live and let live. Although if it's due to a severe anxiety or turning into a mental health issue then perhaps they need encouragement to talk to a therapist, but I wouldn't have thought it's at that point yet. It is still a big concern for most people. If they are still like this in a few years when it really has mostly blown over (hopefully), then at that point I'd be concerned.

I think sadly there are lots of people like this. My mum and her husband are similar, not quite as extreme. My mum took 4 months unpaid leave from work at the beginning, she's back now but terrified and freaks out if anyone gets too close. They sit at home glued to BBC and sky news scaremogering. My mums early 60's, no health problems, healthy weight. They dont go out unless absolutely necessary for work or food, wont see family, freak out if neighbours have visitors as they think they're bringing in covid and touching communal gate. My mum goes out and bleaches it. They went out for a drive for the first time last week to the beach, no-one else about but they were too scared to get out the car. Its absolutely bonkers and my mum was always a sensible and intelligent person but the constant propoganda being churned out has really effected her. I tried talking to her recently, quoted some stats and said we need to be rational and keep things in perspective, think about the actual facts. She said she doesn't care about facts. She almost gets angry at anyone trying to reassure so I give up even trying. She's also had both jabs but said she thinks she'll always wear a mask now and want to keep her distance from people incase of germs. Once the attention on the TV moves on to something else I hope she'll start to live her life again.

@Januaryissodull

I also think that there has become a mentality with a lot of people that you are more virtuous if you don't do anything.

That it's immoral if you do anything unnecessary or purely for enjoyment that could possibly spread the virus.

That staying home and suffering is right and proper. Not everyone is like this but some people are. That non essential message has been drummed in so much that people are going beyond the basic rules and guidelines.

I definitely agree with this. You see it on mumsnet all the time at the moment

The very notion that looking forward to visiting your elderly grandma or going to the gym have become naughty things to do in the eyes of some.

My friend and her partner haven't left their house since March 2020. When they see neighbours in their gardens or people walking in the road without masks they actually yell out at them and rant to me about how careless people are and no respect towards others. They go on and on and on about how bored they are and how fed up they are about being inside their home, yet when I suggest I meet with one of them for a socially distanced walk in the local park they become furious and rant on about the dangers of doing such a reckless thing, no one will being wearing masks and how could I possibly make such a ridiculous suggestion.

They are 40's and no health problems but absolutely terrified of catching covid. I've started to avoid their calls and messages now as I feel they're doing this to themselves and I can't listen to it anymore. I've kept to government guidance and walked socially distanced with a friend each day in daylight and I've still gone out as much as possible whilst still following all the other rules (keeping 2m apart, not going into other's homes, only necessary local travel, etc) I feel the lockdowns haven't had such a negative impact on me as the people I know who are refusing to leave their house for over a year. But I guess everyone is different and has different reasons for not leaving their house. People cope with things in different ways I guess.

yellow they yell at people in the street with no masks on?

I do have some family members that are verging on this but do go out on occasions.

Fwiw they have a very successful business and very large house, so not cooped up.

I am surprised that they are able to run their business from home. Do they not need to go outside the house at some stage to deal with business issues?

Yes they can't seem to understand why people go outside without masks. They sit in their house and when they see someone walking past without a mask (nearly everyone walking past) they start yelling at the closed window so I'm not sure if anyone actually hears them but then I get an earful about the 'irresponsible' people walking around without masks on. I've tried telling them we don't have to wear masks outside but they're having none of it. Apparently those of us walking outside without masks (including me) are prolonging covid and their suffering of being 'forced' to stay indoors.

The vaccine hasn't been available for that long, really. There will be a few outliers, but I imagine most (including OP's BIL and SIL) will gradually relax their stance. As the months roll by, assuming the vaccines keep the number of cases low, the rest of the world will gradually return to more-or-less normality. They'll eventually find reasons to tempt them from their hideout, even if they don't go back to the same routines they had pre-Covid. It's just taking them longer than average to decide that it's "safe", and there's nothing wrong with needing more time than someone else. There have always been people who are especially risk-averse.

@yellowsubmarines

Yes they can't seem to understand why people go outside without masks. They sit in their house and when they see someone walking past without a mask (nearly everyone walking past) they start yelling at the closed window so I'm not sure if anyone actually hears them but then I get an earful about the 'irresponsible' people walking around without masks on. I've tried telling them we don't have to wear masks outside but they're having none of it. Apparently those of us walking outside without masks (including me) are prolonging covid and their suffering of being 'forced' to stay indoors.

I hope no one can hear them

I also hope they don't live in London. I think Londoners have been protected from the crazy to some extent because we are crammed in.

Most the shielders I know seem to be gagging to get out. They are as fed up as everyone of lack of social contact. Elderly neighbour is on kidney transplant list: they childmind grandchildren 2x/week. Old fellow neighbour with bad leg: licked his lips at thought of pub visit today when we chatted. Other shielders go for daily walks & will even chat with me on the street (at a distance). My 78yo dad is back to working PT.

The agoraphobic can stay sequestered forever if that makes them happy.