What if this really happens..

[fireflylanegirls]

I’ve struggled so much with anxiety.

I’m back at work (in the office) and my son is at nursery.
It took a lot to get me here and I was considering quitting my job because of Covid.

I was vaccinated 4 weeks ago and I have started to feel so much better.

I’ve even been to the supermarket (which I hadn’t done for over a year) and I now have a support bubble with my mum (who is also vaccinated)

I’ve only been back at work 2 weeks but I can already feel it making a positive difference to my mental health.

However, the last few days I cannot stop thinking about the blood clot link with the Oxford vaccine.
(I’ve had the Oxford vaccine)

I breastfeed my son and I’m now convincing myself something is going to happen to him because of me having the vaccine.

My thoughts are really taking over and I can’t stop worrying that the vaccine is going to cause long term side effects.
What if in a years time we all die or become severely ill from being vaccinated. 😭

I feel like I’ve been injected with poison and I want to get it out of my body.

I’m already having CBT and I’m taking Sertraline, but I cannot stop these repetitive thoughts and they are really frightening me.

I’m so afraid of death 😭

Look at the stats for Covid deaths in your age group v blood clot deaths.
There's a chart on one of the other threads.

Glad you are now feeling better about being in work but sorry to read that your anxiety has found something else to attach itself to.

How long have you been on the Sertraline? Have you been taught some strategies in your CBT sessions?

@waterlego

Glad you are now feeling better about being in work but sorry to read that your anxiety has found something else to attach itself to.

How long have you been on the Sertraline? Have you been taught some strategies in your CBT sessions?

@waterlego

I’ve been on it nearly 6 weeks. 50mg.

Yes I’ve been doing the worry tree, mindfulness and tapping technique.

I just can’t shake the bad thoughts these past couple of days!!

OP your anxiety is giving you such a battering isn't it? It must be exhausting.

Firstly, I've seen your other threads and you're doing SO well. Getting back to work and your ds at nursery plus going to a supermarket are all huge. Just keep going for now because it is going to get easier.

Secondly - your fears are just the anxiety talking. If you can recognise that as those thoughts come up, you can take the sting out of them. Have you ever studied mindfulness? It's helped me so much. It gets you to watch your brain throw all these thoughts up and teaches you that thoughts aren't facts, however scary they are. They're not reality. So after a while you see them appear in your brain and then move along to be replaced by other thoughts and you recognise that just because your brain is telling you all sorts, it doesn't mean any of it is real. It's soothing and very clever if you really give it a chance to help you.

Vaccines (the vast majority of the time) cause problems immediately if they're going to at all. The chances of them doing long term damage is TINY, they just don't work like that. The actual vaccine is expelled/excreted within days and all they are beyond that is your immune system responding to them (to protect you, not by doing anything sinister). Have a look at some of the doctors out there trying to educate people by explaining this so these fears can be tackled. But sometimes with anxiety, you have to face a fear head on too. What if the vaccine does do you long term damage? Can you fix that now? Can you do anything to stop it? Likely not, but you could think about how you would cope if you did have issues. And you would, because humans are built to cope with all sorts. You've had a baby, you got yourself back to work, you're getting up each day managing the worry and stress - you are a competent person. So you could find a way to cope with illness, I'm sure. People mostly do, when these things are thrown at them. But all of that is academic because the odds are about 99.999% that you will be ok. We have REALLY high standards when it comes to things being approved in this country and it's the same in many others.

There is someone called Nicole Sachs who sells a programme on managing anxiety. Although it's a private programme it's one of the best things I've ever done. It's helped me so much, even if I still struggle with worry occasionally. You're suffering so much, I highly recommend you look at it. It's not a long programme but some of it is incredible in how she helps you switch the worst of your fears off.

Honestly, it is out of your body now. Your immune system is doing its job and protecting you. These are all really good things.

It sounds like your anxiety needs to latch on to something, and it's picking up any possible news story that it can and making you worry about it. If it is happening with lots of different things, then you know that it is just your anxiety talking and not a real worry, so keep reminding yourself of that - your anxiety is trying to find something for you to worry about.

The vaccine is safer than you getting Covid, so you are doing all the right things to protect yourself, and you can feel yourself getting better by being back at work and in a support bubble. Think of it like your anxiety is a 'thing' - it knows that you are doing all these other good things that will make it go away, so it's fighting back in any possible way by throwing all kinds of other potential worries at you. None of them are likely to happen - it's just your anxiety getting desperate for you to pay attention to it again.

breastfeeding your son will be good for him, too, and protect him from the disease. Any antibodies passed on will be completely good for him, and nothing in there that would have caused any risk that there might have been from the vaccine.

Oh OP

As predicted on your last thread your anxiety has now found something else to latch onto. You really need to go back to your GP as this anxiety and worry is whats going to end up damaging your health not Covid.

I remember your other threads. You sound like you’ve been doing amazingly. Anxiety has a habit of doing this as soon as you calm one anxiety another pops up to take its place. When are you next due to see your therapist? Could you bring the appointment forward?

I think it’s a hard time for anyone who suffers with health related anxiety and has recently had the AZ vaccine as there is a lot in the news about it. I also suffer from health anxiety and am 11 days post vaccination so I do understand.

However you are now outside of the at risk period for the very rare clots. These have occurred between 4 and 16 days and we are being advised to be on guard until 20 days. The vaccination is quickly broken down by your body and doesn’t remain in your system as it’s job is to provoke an immune response. If anything has been passed through to your baby via your breast milk this would have been in the first few days and would have effected them at this point. The good news is that your baby will now be receiving lots of protective antibodies via your breast milk which is wonderful for him. The AZ vaccination is based on tried and tested technology so there is no reason why it would cause any harm down the line. My understanding is that as it doesn’t remain in your system for long if your body coped well with it there is now no reason to worry. You weren’t worried until the news came out regarding the concerns about the AZ vaccine you were relieved to have had it and the clotting issue is something you no longer need to worry about so it’s not logical to now start worrying about long term effects, this is your anxiety talking. It’s hard and anxiety is awful to live with. Have you started to learn some coping mechanisms in your CBT if so take some deep breaths and try to focus on the techniques you’ve been taught.

Turn the news off.

For anxiety, it is very useful to reverse the thought.

So instead of thinking, what if X happens...

Instead think, what if X doesn't happen.

And try to actively limit your worries to things you can control.

I feel similarly about the vaccine, in that I was and still am perfectly happy to be vaccinated with any vaccine in order to stay healthy and stop transmission and get the UK out of the pandemic. However, at the back of my mind is that thought that I have been injected with a relatively unknown vaccine (certainly no long-term experience can be possible yet), and if the corrupt government pander their donors and lobbyists and allow a load of new variants into the country that my vaccine no longer protects against, then it will have been for nothing, but I will still have this vaccine inside me.

I manage this by accepting that I cannot control what the government do (unlike mr wetherspoons or the jockey club et al) and so I just have to put that worry to one side as something I cannot control. Then I think instead of thinking what if X happens, I think what if X doesn't happen (i.e. maybe my vaccine will offer at least some protection against a new variant, etc).

I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through and I understand because I know what real anxiety is.
You are not unreasonable to be worried, you are trying to make the right decisions for yourself and your family.
The truth is not everything is under our control. I know it won’t be possible for you to stop thinking or switch off the world in order not to be worried. I find it helps sometimes to say “I don’t care, I’ll be fine anyway”, “f*k it, I will go with the flow and see what happens”. “I’ll do my best”. It’s done now, it wasn’t your fault, most likely you will be fine. It also helps me to find a “safe place”, like after children are in bed tell to myself “I’m going to sit on the sofa watching this old movie right here and now, it’s only me, sofa and tv and I won’t accept any new information right now”. Sorry if I sound bonkers, just something that helps me.

Op i know how you feel.
But the vax is done now.
I would focus on what you can change.
Diet
Exercise and weight.

@fireflylanegirls I am sorry you are suffering like this, it must be really hard.

I hope you won't mind me saying, please be wary of some posters that might pop up on this thread (I don't mean anyone who has posted so far). There are some on these boards that are really feeding off the possible issues around the AZ vaccine and are spreading fear.

I don't have much to add around how to help manage the anxiety but I just wanted to say a massive well done, I've seen your other threads and you are doing so well considering you wanted to quit your job rather than go back to work. It must be really difficult but you should be really proud of how far you've come.

Try and stay away from the news as so much of it is sensationalised about Covid, in reality the risk is so miniscule.
I would go back to your GP as 50mg of sertraline is not a massive dose and upping it may help.
Try and focus on your sphere of influence.
Sending positive thoughts

You already passed the time you need to be worried.

@roguetomato

You already passed the time you need to be worried.

Hold on to this OP. Feel for you so much but also well done on the huge steps you’ve made so far, not to be sniffed at at all

Hi OP

With anxiety - unfortunately reassurance (around whatever issue your anxiety is currently latched on to) - is not useful and feeds the fire. So - however well intentioned it might be - I will not address the vaccine issue. It’s a red herring.

The way anxiety will work is precisely through reassurance seeking and receiving. It’s that very reassurance that offers temporary relief and keeps the whackamole machine called anxiety going.

You need to get back to your GP and say the current diet of CBT and Setraline isn’t working. You need more.

I don’t think anyone should be getting into discussing and reassuring you around whatever mole your Anxiety Whackamole is currently attached to (currently this is the vaccine). Reassurance feeds it. Please get back to GP.

@Navigationcentral

Hi OP

With anxiety - unfortunately reassurance (around whatever issue your anxiety is currently latched on to) - is not useful and feeds the fire. So - however well intentioned it might be - I will not address the vaccine issue. It’s a red herring.

The way anxiety will work is precisely through reassurance seeking and receiving. It’s that very reassurance that offers temporary relief and keeps the whackamole machine called anxiety going.

You need to get back to your GP and say the current diet of CBT and Setraline isn’t working. You need more.

I don’t think anyone should be getting into discussing and reassuring you around whatever mole your Anxiety Whackamole is currently attached to (currently this is the vaccine). Reassurance feeds it. Please get back to GP.

That’s interesting and helpful (genuinely) I have anxiety that is under control at the moment but this advice may come in handy in the future.

A really useful parallel is Health Anxiety. Health Anxiety manifests itself as very super specific anxiety about specific conditions - all of which “could” occur. The sufferer then seeks reassurance - through research, friends, family, forums and doctors - about that specific condition. Reassurance arrives. The suffering pauses. It starts again and cycle repeats till that condition no longer holds worth. The anxiety then latches on to a different condition. The cycle begins again.

Here is a really useful reading on the relationship between Anxiety and Reassurance and how reassurance seeking and finding is the key meat of the cycle that keeps the cycle going -

houstonocdprogram.org/reassurance-seeking-and-health-anxiety/

In this cycle - if friends and family or PP here get too drawn into addressing and providing vaccine specific reassurance it will unfortunately not help OP in long run.

How kind and helpful of you to take the time to post that @Navigationcentral, I really appreciate it and hope the OP gets something from it too. My anxiety is a health one but mine tends to revolve around my children rather than me, although it was very much me before I had them and this time last year I was very ill because of the fear of Covid. Thank you 😊

@Navigationcentral, yes, really helpful post. I had horrendous health anxiety some years ago. Part of what helped me eventually was OH getting on board with not being part of my reassurance seeking. Not that he would be rude, but he would just say ‘I’m really sorry you’re feeling so anxious about this’ and refuse to be drawn into discussions about my ‘symptoms’ or discussions about cancer. He would help me find ways to feel calmer which didn’t involve reassurance.

Please don’t worry! The AZ vaccine may be new but it is based on decades of research. It is extremely rare to get dangerous side effects from it. It used a modified cold virus and the whole vaccine itself departs from your body within around 24 hours. Think of the fact that the viruses that cause colds can very rarely do strange things in peoples’ bodies but it is extremely rare. You wouldn’t be scared if you caught a cold and breastfed. You will 100% be fine!

Thank you. I’ve struggled so much today. 😖

Maybe a higher dose of Sertraline would be in order. I started on 50mg and needed to go onto 200mg eventually, which I was on for some years before being able to reduce the dose and eventually come off it altogether.

Might be worth speaking to the GP again.

@Navigationcentral that’s really interesting thank you. OP I hope you’ve found some of the advice on here useful and you’re doing ok. You’ve come so far and should be very proud of yourself. It sounds like you’re making sure you’re accessing the help you need and I don’t doubt you’ll get a handle on it. A few weeks ago I bet you couldn’t even imagine going into work and enjoying it, you’ve come so far.