Reassurance after reading this

[makinganavalon]

www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-wales-56349455

The above news article is something I've always been afraid of. My baby was 8 months at start of lockdown and we saw other people every day before then. We have seen a hugely limited amount of people since last march, and she's now 19 months, getting more and more terrified of people and is struggling to communicate. I've tried my best but have had no support from friends or family as I've recently moved to the area. I have worked hard at making new friends and have succeeded but my daughter has sorely missed out and I'm scared this will impact the rest of her life. Struggling to go on today. My mental health at and all time low. How can I be what she needs when this anxiety is eating me up? Its a vicious cycle

Well firstly all the people saying it’s damaging are those who run toddler groups so it’s in their interest for them to be opened up ASAP. And those people are probably not childhood psychologists.

Take your child to a playground when you can they are full of kids she can run around with etc.

Also, in a few months time hopefully this will be a thing of the passed and she’ll forget this ever happened

Thankyou rainbow. Knew i shouldn't have clicked on the article.
I do take her to playground most days. I live in the Highlands though so not many kids on it most times. But I will keep going

Being very ancient, when I was a child, most children were at home with Mum until the school term following your fifth Birthday.
Your Mum was considered quite progressive if you went to playgroup a couple of times a week. Very few families had 2 cars(many had none), so no question of whizzing about, dropping in on people all over town, or going to lots of baby/toddler groups. Plus, a housewife's work was harder . (many didn't have washing machines or freezers).

Guess what: we all learned to talk, we all became socialised.
Possibly not as early, but same result in the end.

Most people who are 40+ weren't taken to toddler groups. I was about 12 when the first one o'clock club camebto our area! It was a novel idea to have a cup of tea and chat to other mums while the kids played. We all learnt to walk, talk and communicate.

This is really annoying me. The recent expectations that babies are out socialising every week is very modern.

We've managed for generations.

Lots of people will sell you the bullshit that children had no socialisation in times gone by and they're all fine. I don't know what the fuck they're on about because they surely know that what they're saying is utter bollox. At no other time in human history has it been illegal for a child to engage with other children and adults so comparing now to then makes absolutely no sense. My only conclusion is that they're making those comparisons to reassure themselves that they, as the current generation of adults and parents, haven't fucked up massively and royally by denying the next generation the normal human interaction they need.

That said, your child is still so young that the effects of this unwarranted captivity are likely to wear off over the next few years. No need to be fed fairytales about how it was in the past, it's just a fact that your child has had a loving family and engagement from you and while it's not ideal she'll probably be fine. The same can't be said of children in abusive and neglectful homes who have had all avenues of intervention and respite taken away from them under the evil pretext of 'keeping them safe' and 'protecting the vulnerable.'

Definitely less worried about mine (3 and 8 months) than I would be about school aged children. The baby especially I think has thrived being able to settle into a nice routine at home rather than being dragged here there and everywhere like my eldest was (I did have a brilliant mat leave though...)

I have a 6 month old and I didn’t think that lockdown would affect her. However, as my in laws have now been vaccinated we’ve created a childcare bubble with them and it’s clear I was wrong. Baby cries her eyes out every time she is left alone with them unless I’m within her line of sight. She occasionally forgets that I’m not there but the minute she realises she becomes distressed. I don’t know if this is normal but can’t help thinking only really seeing me and DP has contributed to it.

I’m very worried about this, which is why we’ve let our baby play with another friends baby, and we have started seeing family now. The difference in my dd has been amazing, she was scared to go to others at first and now she loves it, and has learnt to play next to another baby. It’s very important in the early months and I was not going to let her get to a year old without proper interaction with others. School children can go to school, nursery age can go to nursery but the youngest children have been left out. We need to prioritise them now.

@Acesulfame separation anxiety is really normal for babies, pandemic or not.

It’s OK to feel sad about the things your baba has missed out on @makinganavalon - do not let anyone tell you ‘oh they’ll fine, stop worrying’ .. yes, they’ll almost certainly be a’ok but that doesn’t take away that’s it’s really sad as a parent to have missed a proper first year of your babies life. Those who say ‘I never went to toddler group or did this & that’ .. well I bet you saw other family members at home, played with cousins & siblings, went to the shops, got taken to visit relatives, holidays, day trips. None of you were kept at home with only mum & dad barely going anywhere.

The babies of lockdown have been extremely isolated. They’ve barely met anyone. Or been taken anywhere. When they’ve been out, they are met with people in masks & I can see my daughter puzzling over people who talk to her in them as she cannot read their faces. My daughter was 7 months old when she met anyone other than us & the nurse doing her vaccines. That’s shit.

If it’s helps OP, my DD was born 5 days before lockdown last year & is about to turn one. She’s started nursery in the last couple weeks & she has settled really well. Shes bonded with her key workers & they report she’s happy & sociable. Which is a huge relief! It is upsetting she has more of a relationship with nursery staff than she does her grandparents who live far away but that’s another story 😣

Can you consider a day or so at a nursery just while everything is closed? If you have genuine concerns about communication, contact your HV. They’ll be able to offer some advice & help! And I know it sounds daft, but take her to the supermarket and pop her in the trolley. It’ll help with exposure to other people & noise. My 11 month loves sitting waving to everyone on our weekly shop ❤️

@Acesulfame

I have a 6 month old and I didn’t think that lockdown would affect her. However, as my in laws have now been vaccinated we’ve created a childcare bubble with them and it’s clear I was wrong. Baby cries her eyes out every time she is left alone with them unless I’m within her line of sight. She occasionally forgets that I’m not there but the minute she realises she becomes distressed. I don’t know if this is normal but can’t help thinking only really seeing me and DP has contributed to it.

Separation anxiety is very normal and often starts at around 6 months, so please do not worry about this. Take your daughter to see her grandparents regularly and she will get to know them.

Also, everything @TheDailyCarbunkle said.

My little boy was six months when this started, I can count on one hand the amount of interactions he’s had. This week we’ve had some distanced walks with friends and we’ve started taking him to the supermarket with us again... and he’s fine.
He has some separation anxiety but it wouldn’t say it’s negatively affected him and he’s had very very limited contact.

I really wouldn't worry, all of my children have been different in levels of shyness and confidence but each have been exposed to socialising, it's mainly down to their personalities. I'm sure they will soon catch up on any lost social skills anyway and they won't be alone in this too

I think it IS something to be concerned about. It's not necessarily going to affect every child the same but humans are social creatures. Lockdown will have done some children harm. If you can find another family to meet up with (via a FB group maybe) so you can help your dd get comfortable with others, I'd be doing it now. The virus is on the retreat.

But fundamentally, having said that, our brains are so plastic. People can go through all sorts of things and still be absolutely ok. What matters the most is your child has a safe, loving home for now and when things do open up, you support your DD (even as a young baby!) as she has new experiences. Lots of calm chatter and reassurance is all good and give her time if it is an adjustment for her. I think I'd be far more worried about babies in homes where there is more complex deprivation. You can only do your best.

Thanks all for the reassurance. We’ve persisted with it and things are improving.

I think if I had a child that age yes perhaps a little concerned.
But I think I would work on the theory they certainly won't be the only one and hopefully can start to catch up soon
I would be and am more concerned about older children whose education is being decimated

What everyone else said, also I went to nursery full time from 6 weeks; as a toddler I only liked men and wouldn’t let any female relatives pick me up and as a young primary student had horrendous social anxiety that needed ‘treatment’.
‘Normal’ adult now though...

Op those people are just trying to get the groups reopened.

One nof the mums complaining had 3 kids! 2 other kids to play with is plenty.
Lots of kids only parallel play until 3.

There were kids at nursery from 1yo not speaking till 2yo vs a sahp child speaking at 1yo. It depends on the child but they do not need other kids to learn to speak they need adults. (As an eldest child normally learns quicker.)

You know what, this has got to stop. Babies, children, teenagers, young adults etc will be fine.

This is not the apocalypse ffs.

@Totallyfedup1979

You know what, this has got to stop. Babies, children, teenagers, young adults etc will be fine.

This is not the apocalypse ffs.

I wouldn't be so sure. The effect on education is fairly catastrophic

OP, my youngest is a few months older than yours but had similar issues after lockdown re: being scared of people and not really talking for ages. He’s back in nursery now and has settled in really well, language caught up and now only a bit shy around people he doesn’t know. So I get why you’re worried, I was too, but I think there’s a really good chance your DD will adapt fine once things start opening up again and there’s more chance for her to interact with others.

Children are remarkably resilient, often far more so than adults. In their very early years the most important thing for their development is a strong bond with an attentive care giver so you’ll be giving her everything that she needs, anything else is a bonus. Until the age of 2 / 2.5 children generally just play alongside each other rather than with each other. Make sure you’re talking to her lots to help with her vocabulary but also remember children all learn to talk at different rates. Previously children didn’t spend lots of time at playgroups etc and remember that when babies are very young the biggest benefit of these groups are for parents. It must have been so difficult being a new parent during this time but please try not to worry about your child’s development as it’s their relationship with you that is most important and I don’t doubt that you’re doing a brilliant job. I think it’s natural for children to be wary of others after the year we’ve had but you’ll provide her with a secure base when they are able to explore the world again. It’s also very normal for babies and young children to cry or become shy when others are around or if you leave the room. I completely understand your worries though. I worry about my three year old who hasn’t yet started nursery and has been at home with me, his dad and his sister for a whole year. I’ll try and find some child development articles for you to back up what I’m saying but we are all naturally sociable and once she’s adapted to being around people again she’ll naturally become inquisitive and want to play with other children. Have faith in yourself I’m sure you’ve been doing a great job of giving her exactly what she needs. I hope you’re doing ok too, what a year to have a young child!

I'm in the highlands too and the weather hasn't really been good enough to go parks yet. Puddle jumping though has been great so far. I'm worried to but everyone else's kids will be in the same boat so no one will really be ahead of others.