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Original poster

Aging parent not complying with lockdown

71 replies

AvieSo · 04/03/2021 11:51

Can I please get some help and advice.

I am living in an eu country and the vaccine roll out is slower than the UK. My mother is 69 and she won't be vaccinated yet. Hopefully by summertime she will be.

I'm having a very bad time from her lately. She doesn't want to follow the guidelines and the lockdown any more. She broke the restriction rules earlier this week. I'm not going into any more details as to what she did. She had a good day out and now she wants to do more. I'm not happy with her doing more because it's not safe. She's putting herself into shared public/indoor spaces. I would be ok if she was going out walking in the open air because that is less risky. Very time that she intends to do that, she's placing herself at risk of contracting the virus. Not only that, but I have a sibling living at home and my mother is brutal at the cough etiquette and she will not cover her mouth when she's coughing so if she contracts the virus, she's putting my sibling at risk too because she doesn't like to cover her mouth.

So that is one issue that I have. Whatever about breaking the lockdown restrictions once, doing it again and again will put her at risk more and more. Shes only weeks away from a vaccine but she will not sit tight any more. How can I help her see some sense? What she is doing is ridiculous. Risking the virus because she's bored. Has anyone here had to deal with anything similar. Deal with an aging parent that doesn't want to comply with the restrictions.

I have siblings living abroad. A phone call and a bollicking down the phone from them will get her to comply. Should I phone them and tell them what is happening. If she contracts the virus, it will only be a matter of time before I will have to phone them anyways and chances are it could be a different type of call too. Should I phone them and inform them that she's placing herself and my sibling at risk?

Also now that she is actively planning on ignoring the lockdown, there's another smaller issue. A neighbour of mine is very kind and whenever she sees my mom walking to the shop or post office, she usually stops to give my mother a lift. Now that my mother is actively planning to put herself at risk more, should I talk to my neighbour and ask her to stop giving my mother a lift? This will be to keep her (as in my neighbour) as safe as possible too. If my mother contracts the virus and my neighbour stops to give her a lift, they will be sharing a closed indoor space together. Talking to the neighbour and requesting her to stop giving my mother a lift, will hopefully ensure the virus stays within my mother's household if she was to contract the virus.

OP posts:
Hotcuppatea · 04/03/2021 13:36

What exactly do you want people to say here? There's nothing you can do to make her see the world the way that you do. Not everyone is scared witless by Covid. If she wants to get on the bus, let her get on the bus.

Original poster
AvieSo · 04/03/2021 13:36

Thanks for all of the replies. There's no need for me to be worried and I will stop following guidelines on public health and encourage everybody else to do the same. I'm done at carrying out measures to protect others anyways.

OP posts:
ProfessorInkling · 04/03/2021 13:37

👍🏻 Always good to have a thread that resolves itself

MrBullinaChinaShop · 04/03/2021 13:38

@AvieSo

Thanks for all of the replies. There's no need for me to be worried and I will stop following guidelines on public health and encourage everybody else to do the same. I'm done at carrying out measures to protect others anyways.
Brilliant, glad we helped.
Hotcuppatea · 04/03/2021 13:39

Maybe take some time out for yourself OP. You're obviously at the end of your tether. Sometimes the biggest gift we can give to ourselves is acceptance of the things we cannot control.

Viviennemary · 04/03/2021 13:40

You can't do anything. Let her get on with it.

Original poster
AvieSo · 04/03/2021 13:42

Thanks for all of the replies. I feel more at ease now that my mother is likely not at risk any more and she won't protect others so it's other people sharing an indoor public space and public transport that will be most at risk. Thanks for all of the replies. My mother was coughing this morning. A deep chesty cough. It's a new cough but she's writing it off as nothing.

OP posts:
saraclara · 04/03/2021 13:42

@AvieSo

Thanks for all of the replies. There's no need for me to be worried and I will stop following guidelines on public health and encourage everybody else to do the same. I'm done at carrying out measures to protect others anyways.
Because leaving your mum to make her own decisions after making it clear to her what you think, is EXACTLY the same as stopping following guidance yourself and telling everyone else not to.

Come on now. You know there's no logic to that post.

You cannot control your mum, any more than you can control what your next door neighbour does or anyone else in the country. You can only be responsible for yourself.

Hotcuppatea · 04/03/2021 13:43

@AvieSo

Thanks for all of the replies. I feel more at ease now that my mother is likely not at risk any more and she won't protect others so it's other people sharing an indoor public space and public transport that will be most at risk. Thanks for all of the replies. My mother was coughing this morning. A deep chesty cough. It's a new cough but she's writing it off as nothing.
You're being a dick.
Purplewithred · 04/03/2021 13:44

OP I think your attitude is patronising beyond belief. She’s an adult with full capacity and can do what she likes.

If you don’t like it you can tell her, and you can act however you see fit - don’t see her, tell the neighbours, whatever. But you are not her boss and have no control over her. Get over it.

Fuckadoodledoooo · 04/03/2021 13:47

If my kids act like this towards me one day, they'll be told to sod off.

Can't stand people trying to infantilise their parents.

Iwonder08 · 04/03/2021 13:48

Back off! She is entitled to make her own decisions, who do you think you are to lecture her? She is not your child and stop treating her as such.

Original poster
AvieSo · 04/03/2021 13:51

@Purplewithred

OP I think your attitude is patronising beyond belief. She’s an adult with full capacity and can do what she likes.

If you don’t like it you can tell her, and you can act however you see fit - don’t see her, tell the neighbours, whatever. But you are not her boss and have no control over her. Get over it.

I got that message loud and clear and that's why I won't be helping her and more and that also includes her new cough. I know the right thing to do is to test and isolate but she's adult and it's not my responsibility to isolate her and her new cough. She's an adult and she's doesn't have to follow the public health guidelines because she can do what she wants as an adult in a pandemic.
OP posts:
Original poster
AvieSo · 04/03/2021 13:55

@Iwonder08

Back off! She is entitled to make her own decisions, who do you think you are to lecture her? She is not your child and stop treating her as such.
I got the message. She is an adult who can do what she wants in this pandemic and to fuck with anyone else around her.
OP posts:
saraclara · 04/03/2021 13:57

I usually really dislike it when MNers trot out the 'you sound like hard work' line, but if every a few posts called for it, your last few do, OP.

We get it. You don't like your mum and you don't like what she's doing. But your snidey posts in response to what we've nearly all said, really DO make you sound like hard work.

MrBullinaChinaShop · 04/03/2021 13:58

Of course it’s not your responsibility to ‘isolate her’. How would you even go about that?
Listen we get it. You dislike your mum and you think she’s being a dick. Well maybe she is. But she’s a grown up dick and as much as you would like to, you cannot control her behaviour.
It’s nothing to do with the pandemic being ‘over’, or ‘nonsense’, but you know that. It’s the fact that you cannot control the behaviour of another adult.
She might be a selfish, irresponsible twat but it’s her decision to be a selfish, irresponsible twat.

Original poster
AvieSo · 04/03/2021 14:05

She genuinely has a new cough and she doesn't want to follow the public health guidelines. She doesn't want to test to establish if its covid or not. My brother did so much to minimise risk of picking up the virus but not that the person he was protecting is giving up with the pandemic rules, he is now done and he's going out drinking at the weekend with his friends. Even though there is now a person in the house with a cough/covid symptom but it won't be tested for covid.

OP posts:
CheltenhamLady · 04/03/2021 14:07

Grow up OP. Your mother is an adult and certainly not answerable to you and in any event, she is not breaking lockdown she is doing things that are allowable.

Step back and mind your own business.

As for your thread title....really?

MrBullinaChinaShop · 04/03/2021 14:08

@AvieSo

She genuinely has a new cough and she doesn't want to follow the public health guidelines. She doesn't want to test to establish if its covid or not. My brother did so much to minimise risk of picking up the virus but not that the person he was protecting is giving up with the pandemic rules, he is now done and he's going out drinking at the weekend with his friends. Even though there is now a person in the house with a cough/covid symptom but it won't be tested for covid.
And I’m guessing you’ve made your feelings clear to her on the matter of her not testing? If so, then you’ve done what you can do. Although your brother who lives with her is a ‘cock owner’, no? So why isn’t she listening to him?
Coyoacan · 04/03/2021 14:08

Can't stand people trying to infantilise their parents

This

AllMyPrettyOnes · 05/03/2021 07:07

Oooh, OP isn't happy now 😂

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