Aging parent not complying with lockdown

[AvieSo]

Can I please get some help and advice.

I am living in an eu country and the vaccine roll out is slower than the UK. My mother is 69 and she won't be vaccinated yet. Hopefully by summertime she will be.

I'm having a very bad time from her lately. She doesn't want to follow the guidelines and the lockdown any more. She broke the restriction rules earlier this week. I'm not going into any more details as to what she did. She had a good day out and now she wants to do more. I'm not happy with her doing more because it's not safe. She's putting herself into shared public/indoor spaces. I would be ok if she was going out walking in the open air because that is less risky. Very time that she intends to do that, she's placing herself at risk of contracting the virus. Not only that, but I have a sibling living at home and my mother is brutal at the cough etiquette and she will not cover her mouth when she's coughing so if she contracts the virus, she's putting my sibling at risk too because she doesn't like to cover her mouth.

So that is one issue that I have. Whatever about breaking the lockdown restrictions once, doing it again and again will put her at risk more and more. Shes only weeks away from a vaccine but she will not sit tight any more. How can I help her see some sense? What she is doing is ridiculous. Risking the virus because she's bored. Has anyone here had to deal with anything similar. Deal with an aging parent that doesn't want to comply with the restrictions.

I have siblings living abroad. A phone call and a bollicking down the phone from them will get her to comply. Should I phone them and tell them what is happening. If she contracts the virus, it will only be a matter of time before I will have to phone them anyways and chances are it could be a different type of call too. Should I phone them and inform them that she's placing herself and my sibling at risk?

Also now that she is actively planning on ignoring the lockdown, there's another smaller issue. A neighbour of mine is very kind and whenever she sees my mom walking to the shop or post office, she usually stops to give my mother a lift. Now that my mother is actively planning to put herself at risk more, should I talk to my neighbour and ask her to stop giving my mother a lift? This will be to keep her (as in my neighbour) as safe as possible too. If my mother contracts the virus and my neighbour stops to give her a lift, they will be sharing a closed indoor space together. Talking to the neighbour and requesting her to stop giving my mother a lift, will hopefully ensure the virus stays within my mother's household if she was to contract the virus.

*Does old age give her the right to piss against the lockdown measures?(

Report her to the authorities! That'll teach her.

Or, alternatively myob and let your adult mother make her own choices

@AvieSo

Who is her next of kin. She has an ex husband that she never bothered to legally separate from and never mind a divorce? If she needs hospital treatment, is he still her next of kin because in the eyes of the law they are still married? How the fcuk do we navigate that one? If she falls ill and if she needs hospital treatment - who is her next of kin - the ex who she despises?

The same way you’d navigate it if she fell will with something other than Covid.

*ill

It might make no sense to you but it’s what she wants to do then that’s her decision....she’s a grown adult

You've aired your worries. She's listened and then ignored them. She's an adult and making her own decisions, there's nothing you or your siblings can do.

You have to leave her to it, and make your own choices for you.

She's an adult.

My dad is in his 80s. He's never stayed in. He's not my child, I can't stop him.

@AvieSo

My sibling who's lives at home stopped meeting his friends every week to minimise contracting the virus and bringing it home to our mother. Will it be OK for him to go drinking in a shebeen now because my mother is done with lockdown?

I think fine for your sibling to tell your mum that as she is going out then he is planning to see his friends more often (preferably within the law of course, whatever your law currently says).

@AvieSo

Who is her next of kin. She has an ex husband that she never bothered to legally separate from and never mind a divorce? If she needs hospital treatment, is he still her next of kin because in the eyes of the law they are still married? How the fcuk do we navigate that one? If she falls ill and if she needs hospital treatment - who is her next of kin - the ex who she despises?

Not sure what this has to do with anything? The same issue would arise if she got ill or injured from any other cause, even if covid didn't exist. Like everything else she does, this is your mum's problem, her choice and none of your business. You're talking as though she's incompetent.

You don't get to make decisions for your parent. She's far from ageing, and she has all her marbles. People her age or not far off are working, FFS. Lots of people working in my local supermarket are in their late 60s, and they employ people past retirement age as greeters.

You say you're not treating her as a child, but you are. Of course you are. Do you tell any other grown adult what to do, or arrange for people to phone them up and bully them into compliance?

I'm jot treating my mother like a child. I want her to comply with the lockdown and the pandemic restrictions and currently non essential movement is not allowed. That is in the pandemic lockdown. That measure is there to minimise risk of contracting the virus.

Is the lockdown the governments way to treat us all like little children?

@AvieSo

I'm jot treating my mother like a child. I want her to comply with the lockdown and the pandemic restrictions and currently non essential movement is not allowed. That is in the pandemic lockdown. That measure is there to minimise risk of contracting the virus.

Is the lockdown the governments way to treat us all like little children?

You want her to comply, but as she is a grown adult then that decision isn’t yours to make.

I can tell by the colloquialisms that you are probably in Ireland. My Mam tells me the Gardai have been out checking why people are out and about and checking how far from home people are, so they might be giving her a bollocking soon enough...

Wanting her to comply is fine. Phoning up to tell her off is where you are treating her like a child.

@AvieSo

I'm jot treating my mother like a child. I want her to comply with the lockdown and the pandemic restrictions and currently non essential movement is not allowed. That is in the pandemic lockdown. That measure is there to minimise risk of contracting the virus.

Is the lockdown the governments way to treat us all like little children?

To answer your question, yes it is the government's way to treat us all like little children. It's absolutely fucking bonkers to tell a healthy 69 year old that it's too dangerous to get on a bus! Surely you can see that?

Lockdowns are a lazy, unimaginative attempt to stop the spread of one single virus. They are not, I repeat not in place because there is a huge personal risk from covid to you or your mother. If your mother got covid she has an absolutely massive chance of being absolutely fine.

You've got yourself totally mixed up and you're worrying about something that isn't really worth worrying about. Do you worry as much about your mother being in a bus crash? Or becoming ill with something that is a genuine risk to her, like cancer or heart disease? Those illnesses kill millions of people every year. There are far more of a threat than covid could ever be.

Leave your mother alone.

What she is doing doesn't sound that risky.

Most people i know do lots of non essential travel, different shops etc. Public transport is reduced capacity.

What do you want her to do? Sit inside all day every day?

YABU

This is all about how you feel about things.

How does your mum feel about things?

You are talking about her as though she is a disobedient child you are responsible for.

And yes, what @TheDailyCarbunkle says. Lockdowns were never about protecting the vulnerable. They were an attempt to avoid overloading healthcare systems so that governments looked less shit.

There's a reason why we in the west are having a bigger problem than those in East Asia, and it's not because we're not good enough at lockdowning. Maybe governments should concentrate on that.

She’s an adult. Millions of people are still getting the bus. It’s up to her to define essential. Your sibling won’t be at risk unless you’re drip feeding something about a major health condition. Leave her to make her own choices.

The Gardaí have been getting on buses and checking people are staying within their 5km. leave it to them. But honest to god she's only 69, let her live ffs.

I have siblings living abroad. A phone call and a bollicking down the phone from them will get her to comply. Should I phone them and tell them what is happening.

No you bloody well shouldn't. If that's something you have done in the past (or how would you know this would work?), you should be ashamed of yourself too.

My siblings are brothers. She only ever respected cock owners in this life.

She would 100% listen to any concerns that her cock owner sons will display.

this thread is just getting weird now. ‘Cock owners’?! Sounds like you just don’t like your mum much to be honest.
Leave her to make her own decisions.

Wtf OP.

It's the absolute truth. She's a narcissistic and she only ever values her sons and any opinions that they will voice and she looks on women as pieces of fucking dirt and scum of the earth.

I'm delighted to hear that the pandemic is over and there's no more to follow.

If she was to contact the virus, she won't isolate to protect others. She will go tto the local shop and post office for her weekly pension and cough germs all over everybody but there's no need for her to isolate any more because the pandemic is clearly made up bullshit.