Person I share a flat with no longer happy with me "breaking" the rules

[Badroomate34]

More for advice than anything else. I live with someone who is extremely low risk (29, same age as me) and have started "breaking" the rules to see my sister as of Jan (doesn't live alone so not legal support bubble) as I am slipping into a bad place mentally (suicidal in October, diagnosed mental problems, not just me being "I feel low,") I also have no contact with the woman I live with- We don't hang out, we don't have a lounge as it's a tiny flat and I can go days without seeing her. I essentially live alone, without the legal support bubble.

I am not close with the person I live with, it's simply a houseshare as I can't afford my own place. However, we were 'friends.' She's suddenly starting telling me I can't go and visit my sister, but she's aware of my mental health problems and this arrangement with my sister has been in place for two months.

During the last two months, she's seen her boyfriend without socially distancing in our house and had friends round for a dinner party. I said nothing.

AIBU to say if she was happy to see her friends when cases were at 50k+ a day, that I am going to continue to see my sister despite her suddenly having a problem with it? And that after months of her being lax with the rules she can't suddenly turn around and ask me to stop seeing my sister, especially when I've made it clear it's the only thing that keeps me from completely slipping back into a very bad mental state?

It just feels impossible right now and I genuinely don't know if I am
being unreasonable.

No, not if she's doing what you describe and you need to point that out to her.

Has she been dumped? There's usually another reason when someone starts being a twat.

tell her you are not breaking the rules as your sister is providing care for a vulnerable person. however, you are not happy with her actually breaking the rules....

It’s a difficult one. You both share the space. I don’t know what to suggest. Are they scared of getting Covid, or just annoyed you’re breaking the rules?

Just annoyed I'm breaking the rules. She regularly goes for walks with no distance at all from different friends, doesn't care when we went shopping together last week (ie, no concern about socially distancing in the shop) and when we've had workmen in to fix our bathroom she happily chatted to them and didn't bother with distance or masks. I don't know why the sudden change.

Also as I am seeing my sister I don't even go on walks anymore as a "compromise."

What can she do about it?

Your sister is providing you with care and support. That is allowed.
Dinner parties aren't.
Tell her you will be continuing to see your sister as its allowed and will make sure you do so safely. So she can mind her own business!

Don’t compromise on your mental health. Your sister is allowed to provide “care” to you as a vulnerable person. Tell your flat mate to mind her own business, you aren’t breaking the rules. It’s weird she is trying to control you

Might be wrong (its ringing a faint bell) but I thought university halls rooms were all classed as separate households, even if you shared with other people. Would that apply to normal shared housing?

She doesn't get to tell you what to do. Carry on as you are, she can't stop you

Uni accommodation in shared flats with however many rooms counts as one household per shared flat.

Could she be jealous somehow?

Errr... if she’s not following the rules either, I’d tell her she has no right to tell you what to do.

She's a hypocrite OP and I'd call her on it. She has people over for a dinner party, but she doesn't want you to see your DSis? WTAF? I'd just ignore her and why aren't you still going to walks? Seriously, she's being a twat and possibly taking advantage of your mental state by making you second-guess yourself like this. Your DSis is providing support to a vulnerable person (yes, you) and that is ALLOWED, unlike dinner parties!

I don't think she's jealous- She still sees her boyfriend and lots of friends for walks. She walks to the shops that are still open with them, and has plenty of social contact.

We've never been super close- I tried, ie, seeing if she wanted to have dinner together one night or watch a movie, but nothing. But also things have never been unpleasant until now!

No need for confrontation. Just tell your housemate that your sister is providing you with emotional support due to your poor mental health. You have a diagnosis, this arrangement with your sister is permitted.

I wouldn't start accusing your housemate of breaking rules. It's best to keep things as amicable as possible.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

@daryldixonsdreamgirl

Might be wrong (its ringing a faint bell) but I thought university halls rooms were all classed as separate households, even if you shared with other people. Would that apply to normal shared housing?

I’m not sure that’s correct. The university students I know got fined for socialising with someone other than their shared flat residents (uni accommodation, 5 bedrooms sharing a kitchen).

You’re not breaking the rules you are vulnerable it is allowed. You can let her know that but agree that you both need to stick to the rules and as you are you would like her to do so as well.

How does she know you're going to see your sister?

Give her a good ignoring!

She hasn't got a leg to stand on & even if she did, you need to prioritise your MH.

Go for walks, getting out will probably help your MH too!

Take care of yourself & do what you need to!

If she’s also breaking rules then what’s her problem? You sound like you’re being sensible seeing your sister for support. Can you have a chat with her about it?

Go for walks! I agree. You don't need to stop that as a compromise for seeing your sister. Getting out in the daylight and doing some exercise is brilliant for your mood.

Sorry if I sound a little bossy! but please don't shut yourself indoors if you don't have to.

Is your housemate aware of your struggles with your mental health? Perhaps open up and have an honest conversation with her. She should hopefully be more sympathetic.

As tempting as it is to point out her hypocrisy, I would let that go for the sake of some harmony at home. There's nothing worse than living in an uncomfortable tense atmosphere.

Is there any reason not to go for a walk with your sister instead of to her house?

Would definitely start going for walks with other people too.

It does seem a little unreasonable though to be picking at her. You're the same household so fine to go to the supermarket together. You breathe the same enclosed air so if you got covid there's a good chance she would too and she sounds low risk, but low risk is still a risk.

At the end of the day you both make your own decisions and maybe she's feeling extra sensitive if she regrets earlier rule breaks.

Just ignore her messages about it

And you're not friends so you don't have to justify yourself or talk about your mental health with anyone

as pp have said, your sister is supporting your mental health - so in this instance so perfectly legal.
Don't let your flat mate make you anymore stressed, you know you are doing the right thing.