How to get out of survival mode?

[Welikebeingcosy]

I'm in survival mode since the most recent lockdown and I really want to get out of it. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I can't think past the next five minutes and finding it impossible to plan for the day or do anything long-term productive. My brain is like 'right need to pick up DD from nursery' then a few hours later 'right I'd better make dinner- wait we haven't got any food, I'd better go to the shops' walks to shops, grabs ready made snack whilst out, cooks something as basic as possible, leaves the washing up and just hopes I can find the mental energy to do it the next day. Just can't do anything unless it's absolutely necessary for survival.

I don't really want to live like this. Has anyone else experienced this and found a way to break out of it? I do have counselling on zoom once a week. Single mum.

Get back outdoors whenever possible. Spring is in the air. Things are changing. Its up to you to get yourself motivated. Think about what kind of life you want. You might not be able to make loads of plans but you could do small things to make things better. It really is down to you.

Yes I’m feeling a bit like this too. Trying to wfh
& work has got so busy I’m having to do extra. Emails coming from school about various things I need to action & other personal stuff to deal with. Constant interruptions from someone in the house.I noticed this morning how filthy some parts of my house are looking. It could do with a proper deep spring clean. Seriously considering taking some holiday when they go back to school on 8th and just blitzing the place. It’s hard to keep on top of it with us all here 24/7.
I feel just as you say that I’m living to get through one day at a time. Oh & just had a missed call from DS’s teacher whilst on work call to say he’s been mucking about in her live lesson & can i speak to him about it🙄

I know what kind of life I want and I have lots of things I could be doing and enjoy doing and am a very motivated person, I'm just saying my brain literally won't let me do anything. It's like I'm frozen. The last time this happened I was doing a degree and was under a lot of pressure then.

@Littlemiss74 sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It's hard not having some space from things every now and again.

I know just what you mean about survival mode. I didn’t even really feel much at all about the new roadmap last night as basically if it’s not “right now” I am struggling to visualise it let alone care. Other than the fact my eldest can return to school, which we are all pleased about.

I have always tended to be more reactive - just dealing with whatever crisis comes along, whether that’s a big thing like an illness or like you say “oh shit what’s for dinner” type thing. I want to be more proactive and live in a more consistent way but god it’s tough as it takes so much energy trying to actually put better plans in place for the longer term that I then can’t keep up with the here and now!

Yeah I feel you completely @SingToTheSky I feel like if I suddenly had an event or place to go to I would snap out of it get all my week's food shopping ordered and clean and tidy and do things for my future in time to go to that place, but with nothing going on I just float from one thing to the next. I would love to learn how to be more proactive too, as you say. If the intention is there I'm wondering why my brain doesn't follow suit.

That makes sense with the conflicting energy of the here and now to the future.

Routine helps, make lists of jobs if you have to. So Monday might be change beds, hoover, Tuesday shopping etc plus all the day to day tasks. Maybe plan meals for the week if you can. It just gives you a bit more structure. And within a few weeks of this things should be significantly better anyway.

Lists. I write loadsa lists. I have a planner of what needs doing each day & I try to get them done! I get lots of satisfaction from ticking it all of 🙈

A huge game changer for me has been exercise. I was feeling much like you back in Jan & after the excessive eating of Christmas. I decided enough was enough & I’ve actively tried to stay active. Not easy, I have two young kids who are demanding & dont sleep very well. I’m knackered 99% of the time. But I just force myself. Be it 20 mins of a dance DVD. 30 minutes lifting weights in my garage. 30 mins of a HITT session on YouTube. 20 minutes of Pilates while watching TV in the eve. A 30 minute lunch time power walk on my lunch break. I feel 100x better. The fog has lifted from my brain, I feel happier, more organised, more energetic! 💪🏻

I totally get you OP.

I have huge plans to develop my business, finish writing my book(s), finish renovating my cottage, get massively fit. And I feel GREAT about all these things...

But then...

The reality of everything that needs to be done at home is still what it is, and I get stuck in a loop of reactivity or in 'waiting mode' for someone to need me, ask for something, have a meltdown... etc etc. (I have two disabled kids so it's constant).

I don't know what the answer is, but these are some things I find that helps and when I do them I have better weeks than when I don't:

• confine as much of the shitty household drudge to as few days of the week as possible e.g. I have a rule that I never do laundry on certain days
• listening to inspiring podcasts helps me keep my energy and motivation up (and lots of them are quite short, or can be listened to in one ear while cooking dinner)
• put things I want to do (that work towards the things I mentioned above) as well as things I have to do on my weekly to do list. If they aren't there, they are invisible and always seem to not happen as I get stuck on the chores and must-dos.

There is an alternative to lists, if you don't like all the jobs you didn't achieve not ticked off write a "to-done" list.

Even if it is just soaked pots for tomorrow.

Personally I have no intention of having outstanding jobs when we can out-and-about. That is motivation enough for us.

We are no longer looking at survival mode as a society, it feels like we are heading towards emerging mode.

How about a "reward" system?

If you meal plan most of the week and save a bit on shopping, treat yourself to a takeaway at the weekend. Or save each week towards a new summer dress when shops open.

But I understand what you mean, last week it felt like home would be it for the rest of time but this week feels different, milder temperatures help.

It doesn't really work for me as I have savings so can just buy those things anyway but obviously I can't choose and try on because there aren't any shops. And I get take away a lot anyway so it wouldn't even feel like I treat these days I'm just relieved when I can eat some carrots.

I do have all those things like a chores list where I only do one big chore a day and I do meal plan but I just don't do any of it any more. I've just lost all momentum.

Feeling a bit better today. Sat around for ages this morning when DD was at nursery and then spontaneously decided to have a huge clear out. I think charity shops being closed has weighed me down with the moral dilemma of what to do with the stuff. Don't have the space or time to advertise it all for pick up so I spent a couple of hours just throwing loads of baby clothes and other things into the communal bins. Felt a lot more room to breathe and was even able to pack a bag ready to pick DD up and go to the supermarket. I'm on a roll now and hopefully clearing the house out down to minimalism again will make some room for productivity!

Great news OP! Nothing like a good clear out of the house to release stale energy.

Honestly? I think this is just what brains do under chronic stress lots of the time? I'd try not to put yourself under any pressure. It will get better. Life is going to open up and the more normal things feel, the more your brain will start functioning again. That's my gut reaction. It sounds amazing that you've done some decluttering - that definitely gets me doing other things so hopefully that's helped enough that things will pick up. But don't stress if you hit another wall.

Thanks guys I really appreciate it. I'm glad that it sounds normal and I don't need to see a doctor or anything. I'll keep posting in here to keep me going.

You are suffering from stress OP classic sign. Your body has gone into survival mode it’s the old fight or flight response. Dealing with the immediate situation only. You need some down time but no one can catch a break with this lockdown, no nights out, no days out, no babysitter to watch the kids for a while, nothing to look forward to.
So you’ve got to find ways to relax that you can at home, baths, massage from partner, relaxing walks out, takeaways anything you can to look after yourself. This lockdown is just getting harder and harder to cope with. And I wish you all the best OP xx

I think sometimes it's quite insensitive when people respond to things like this with "just go walking, get outside, do some exercise" as if that's that easy.

Being outside and walking isn't an instant cure, and you're quite rightly in a state of survival/getting through each day as it comes.

Try and take the pressure off and remember it's not a bad way to feel, it's very natural. I have decided to just go with it and I'm thinking minute to minute and just doing what I need to when I need to. If you want to do something, do it when you feel like it and the rest will hopefully follow.

Lovely post storm that’s very true.

Some days are a write off for me. Survival mode has struck again since unwelcome news yesterday. I’d planned to get out for a bit, but I am just following what I need today. The therapy I have is based on accepting feelings not fighting them and it helps a lot

Yeah it is weird as in the past anything bothering me literally COULD have been shaken off with a good walk and maybe some nice dinner afterwards, but these days even a list of self care doesn't shake off the stress. Even if I don't think I have anything to stress about or feel stressed, I think we have just gotten so used to it we aren't aware that this is stress all the time.
Still I'm glad this is becoming a place where people can share their situations too.

I was hospitalised for six weeks at the end of my pregnancy with DD. Already having a toddler and working full-time, I thought I would actually enjoy having the time to read etc., with no expectations to do anything. I couldn't even settle to read a magazine in reality.

This time feels a little like that. No motivation to do anything. Days drift into each other, and the weeks pass by. The only thing I've found that helps me is doing 10,000 steps a day (sometimes more) - just to get out and have a change of scenery. I think we all have an underlying level of stress, that we're probably not really acknowledging - underpinned by the worry that life will never be the same?

But I am so happy and proud of the vaccine roll-out - that always makes me smile!

Yeah I think you've nailed it! It's all that worry of how things are going to be. But I saw yesterday things will be the same- people are going to the playgrounds more and plans are being made for when it ends.

Well I've managed some washing up this morning and put another bag of stuff in the bins outside. Hopefully I can get the house a bit tidier whilst DD is at nursery and we might even manage a proper food shop. I keep wanting to stop and sit down and stare so I'm letting myself do that for just a few minutes at a time then forcing myself back into action. It really is probably 30 mins of tidying time at the most but my mind is still in doomsday mode scared of what might be at the end of those 30 mins. Reading some local numbers is helping a little with the anxiety. I think my biggest fear is that I'll never work again which is making me not do much but it does seem like good news on the horizon.

how old is your DD OP?

This is such a good post. This is exactly how I'm feeling..
I've been looking at holidays and trying to have a think about how my life might look like when things eventually get back to normal.
Thanks for the post though it will be interesting to read how others will be rising from the ashes