How to get out of survival mode?

[Welikebeingcosy]

I'm in survival mode since the most recent lockdown and I really want to get out of it. I'm sure I'm not the only one. I can't think past the next five minutes and finding it impossible to plan for the day or do anything long-term productive. My brain is like 'right need to pick up DD from nursery' then a few hours later 'right I'd better make dinner- wait we haven't got any food, I'd better go to the shops' walks to shops, grabs ready made snack whilst out, cooks something as basic as possible, leaves the washing up and just hopes I can find the mental energy to do it the next day. Just can't do anything unless it's absolutely necessary for survival.

I don't really want to live like this. Has anyone else experienced this and found a way to break out of it? I do have counselling on zoom once a week. Single mum.

You're welcome I'm glad that others can share their experiences. I think it's good to realise we are all in similar boats as sometimes I just sit here feeling useless thinking the whole world must be out there being their usual productive selves. I forget I'm not the only one in lockdown because I can't see into other people's living rooms atm.

I'm finding it even hard to think about holidays with all the unknown about how those countries progress will play out. Hopefully the rest of Europe will speed up with their vaccines soon.

@MoirasRoses I just saw your post and I'm going to try that. I've been doing a walk or two a day and a few star jumps here and there but I think you're right it's best to keep moving as often as possible.

@fabulousspider she is 21 months on Sunday.

Definitely agree about charity shops. I often pick up one of the light bestsellers when I'm in Tesco and read it over a couple of days. Normally once I have a small pile of finished books I'd take them to the charity shop, but now that they're shut I just have stacks of books piling up in every corner

Also told myself that today is going to be the day I finally clean my kitchen after a couple of weeks of desperately needing to. At this point it's going to be less cleaning, more an archaeological dig to excavate the counters from under piles of dirty plates and recycling that I haven't taken out. It's just hard to motivate myself when I know no-one else is going to see it for the foreseeable future. You're not alone!

Could you put them in a phone box if you have one locally and start a book swap shop? My local newsagent has a shelf for people to leave and take books. Or even donate to local dentist or doctor's surgery? Some people in my area put stuff out on their walls for passers by to take Although who knows how many books they might have by now ha. It's been hard holding onto things for so long but at the end of the day I needed it all gone and held out as long as possible! Good luck with your archaeology. I managed to shower today, it feels like such a win!

Op, 21 months is still really young! In all honesty as a single parent I felt like this until school started. But maybe think about what you would like to achieve and then work out the tiny steps to get there. And just do one tiny 5 min step at a time without thinking about the other steps. This should get the motion going.

Also I think things like decluttering really help you feel in control. Be ruthless about it. I've realised staying on top of my house and things to do is so much harder when I have too much stuff around, I'm not sure what your place is like but if there's room to get rid of some stuff don't hesitate.

And once you've decluttered you have the chance to make your space beautiful again, buy some nice things and pretty it up. Nothing like a nice environment to keep you motivated.

Take a look at the book "atomic habits" by James clear. He also has a website with some great blog posts. It talks about focussing on the tiny details then when you get them in place everything else falls into place.

Good luck OP!

@fabulousspider thank you so much that it really insightful and helpful. I've always been a neat freak but since moving into a new place with DD it's been impossible to keep the place under control. I do think it's because of all the stuff people have given me and wanting to please my daughter and letting her have all the toys that came our way. I'm really going to be ruthless and throw as much as possible out and then if it turns out she doesn't have enough toys in a few days I'll buy a few. I'm also planning to halve the amount of plates and stuff I have because then it ends up piling up in the washing up. Yeah I think a few minutes at a time and baby steps will help. Atm I'm really struggling with not having the right clothes with all the shops shut and everytime i order online or buy from the supermarket they fall apart. I might just chuck out the bits I don't like and wait patiently to be able to get some more. Wish me luck I'm going to start on throwing more stuff away right now!

I felt exactly the same OP! The chaos of kids is really challenging when you are a single parent and also when you value feeling in control.

You do have to be very brutal with the decluttering. Forgive yourself for getting rid of things. You don't need to hold onto items for sentimental reasons or to make other people happy.

Tackling it in a bag a day type way seems to work well. Or a cupboard a day or something. Or a small area....

I realised that as a single parent decluttering is the one thing that helps me feel happy. And at 21 months old your daughter won't even notice stuff going - enjoy the freedom while you can and get rid of it!! (My son is 8 and I have to hide things for months before I dare dispose of them in case he remembers).

I'm a firm believer that clutter reflects our mental state, obstacles in our environment will manifest in our lives like real life obstacles!!

It's good training for years ahead to get rid of things. When your kids start making endless drawings, and getting magazine toys or relatives showering with gifts at xmas, birthdays, parties etc etc there is simply no way you could reasonably hold onto everything without going mad. So get into the habit of doing it every day!

I wish you all the best in your thing. Watch the Marie Kondo netflix programme if you get a chance (and if you haven't already). Good for getting you in the mood for decluttering. :)

@fabulousspider thank you that's actually super motivating!
I'm feeling a lot better today everyone- hope you all are hanging in there too!
I've cleared out loads - even decided to get rid of the spare mattress for guests for now as we can't have people down and decided I want to make more room in my house for me, rather than other people.
Have got the night child free and am going to chill and get food shopping ordered for next week so I can fill the time I would have been staring into space with things for myself. The house is getting there and once it's there I can only see myself moving forwards and upwards!