Going back out into the world

[SunshiningBetty]

So, I had the vaccine today as a 45 year old CV person. I thought I would feel euphoric but it was strangely underwhelming.

I am fully aware that I have let my fear of Covid get out of control and I am wondering how I am going to make the move back into real life. Obviously I fully intend to wait until lockdown starts to lift but what do I do then?

I felt really anxious going to the vaccination centre today. We had to queue inside and an elderly man came right up behind me. I asked him if he could move back a bit. After I came out we had to sit spaced out for 15 mins. I lasted about 2 then felt completely panicky at being so close to anyone and had to ask to wait somewhere quieter. I just kept imagining droplets of Covid 19 heading towards be despite being in an FFP3 masks. I then waited for 5 minutes before sneaking out and I honestly felt glorious when I was out in the fresh air again.

If I’m like this how on earth am I going to transition to normal(ish) life? My children did go back to school when they were allowed but I felt pure anxiety every day they were in. And such relief when we went into lockdown again.

I used to dash around everywhere, go to London for the weekend, the children had so many hobbies every night. I’m just scared of what I’ve become. My every thought for a year has been Covid, reading every research paper about it in case we could be doing something to lessen our chances of dying, staying up to get shopping slots etc.

Does anyone else worry about this?

This is the result of constant media coverage, government warnings, social media discussion etc.
Try to rationalise with yourself... are you this scared of driving or crossing the road due to road safety risks? Same with airplanes and trains?
Did you ever worry about catching the flu from random strangers on public transport?
Ever kissed someone on a date or night out without going into an anxious spiral for days as to whether they've given you herpes, glandular fever or some other illness?
Yes, there is a virus spreading. You are right to be sensible - wash your hands regularly and stay 2m away from people where possible. Unfortunately you might still catch Covid. And if you catch Covid you might die. But you probably won't (as in, the probability of you dying is very very very low). And that's only if you catch it in the first place.
You MUST put this into perspective. Get some therapy if you think that would help?

I agree if you are at greater risk of dying from Coronvirus, then your anxiety has a reason but there are many young healthy people who are terrified to go outside there front door, which is worrying, how are they going to live their lives from
now on, even with the vaccine they’re saying they will stay inside as they might not work against new variants

@herecomesthsun

What else is it? It is reasonable and normal to be concerned about some of the things we have all lived through.

If people are still worried about going into shops when levels are much lower, then that is the time to consider exposure therapy. Not now.

It generally is not a reasonable reaction though.

There are lots of people who have T2 diabetes or obesity who haven't had any anxiety about that, probably still don't, yet they are massively anxious about Covid. That makes no sense. I realise that it is something about the immediacy of things, but still the logic is flawed.

The risk of death from T2 diabetes and obesity is very high, almost inevitable in fact.

I can understand why people are terrified due to the really dreadful scaremongering together with government propaganda designed to ramp up fear to ensure compliance

Agree

@Beaniecats

There is a very unhealthy obsession about long covid. Very odd Especially as it's an alternative name for post viral fatigue which is not new

Sorry I have to fact check this. Do you know that there are hundreds off healthcare professionals that are off with long covid? Like many hundred. Some of the war NHS workers are coming to the end of 12months sick leave. In the last few months of their 12months sick leave some have had motions to end their jobs. Long covid isn’t post viral fatigue, it isn’t ME, it is a completely new thing caused by covid. That isn’t just the flu, but a unique condition Causing clots and long term organ damage.

OP sorry to derail. You have done so well and kept yourself safe when asked. You will have your vaccine and spring will come and you will maybe feel safe to start seeing people outside and then you’ll quickly find you want to do more. Everything you are feeli if is normal and everything you have done thousands of others have done the same as you and millions around the world.

@dannydyerismydad

DH gets regular phone calls from his hospital consultant stressing the importance of shielding to him because of his medical needs and impressing on him that if he does get COVID his chances aren't good.

Unless you're in a household where shielding is a necessity it's hard to understand I guess, but I don't think CEV people are overreacting at all.

I agree with everything you have said. The covid deniers on here are being cruel to the OP and unless you’ve lived this fear of being told you will die, specifically, they just can’t understand as they spent all summer in the pub with mates.

I had health anxiety before all this, a germaphobe andsickness bugs send my anxiety up.

The way I dealt with it before was by giving myself a good talking to about how this was my fear and only me who thinks these things and it helped. Therefore while being careful to wash my hands and keep out of the way of those who were ill (apart from my family obviously), it never stopped me doing anything.

Now the world is anxious, it's made my coping mechanism vanish.

I was/am furloughed during lockdown, DH works mainly at home and the kids are home. They did go back during the autumn although had a few isolations which stressed me out.

I wipe down or isolate things coming into the house. We shower, wash clothes when we come in etc.

I've been vaccinated now and will be 3 weeks post next week. I feel a bit easier but still worried for DH and the kids.

I'm hoping that when things calm down, low levels and me and DH have at least been vaccinated that I treat each ritual as if it has a plaster on it. Just one day decide that shopping will no longer be wiped and carry on until it becomes normal again etc etc.

My family all think I'm nuts, I do too I suppose but it isn't something I can help.

I understand Op but I think by doing things gradually it will hopefully start to feel more comfortable to do normal things after a while (when the time comes).

I do feel nervous to go back to doing normal things but I know I have to push past that feeling in order to get back to a happier healthier way of living.

Now my trouble is that all the things I want to do: swimming, dance class, yoga class, cinema, theatre, days out at attractions, even travelling to see the family we miss... all cost money. Our income has been decimated. We’re only just surviving and it will take us a long time to get back to having any disposable income. It makes me sad but the fear we felt not being able to bring in money to feed our kids was horrible. I never want to be in that situation again so it is going to be hard to part with money for a while.

Op, if it helps, I had a health issue several years ago where I essentially didn’t leave the house or see people for around a year. Once I started to reintegrate back into real life I found it difficult and was so overwhelmed with everything, but it did get better over time. Little steps and expect that it’ll be difficult initially and you will get there. It took a number of months for me to feel normal again doing things but I got there. I think being mentally prepared for feeling like that can really help

I am in a very similar situation to you, even the same age and comparatively recently vaccinated. I felt HORRENDOUS at the vaccination centre. No ventilation at all and they gave people coffee and biscuits in the waiting room so no masks. I found it completely mental.

For the benefit of posters further up the thread, I have always been concerned about respiratory illnesses as I've been hospitalised several times with a cold. I am guessing since you're vulnerable you might have a similar situation. I'm actually taking great heart from the fact that the covid crisis might improve everything long term - better ventilation in public spaces, maybe even HEPA filter or UV light systems in busy places like rail stations. I take a lot of comfort from that (though it is cancelled out somewhat by our fucking numbnut government and its constant boneheaded decision making....)

The one thing you could do to help yourself is reduce how much you're reading. Unless you really know what you are doing, poking around in the medical literature will send you a bit mad. I read a lot about covid too and I think that's natural. I also work in medical research and read Covid papers as part of my job (they drive me a bit mad and I slightly know what I'm doing). Trust me you don't need to read the medical literature unless it's your job. There is so much work being done in the area and it's no 1 priority. Any genuine signal in the data will be picked up straight away and communicated straight away too. Reading papers on Covid is like learning to fly a plane before your summer holidays in case the pilot is a bit poorly and they ask you to take over.

Now I'm three weeks post vaccine I feel much better. Part of what you're experiencing is the shock of having your situation suddenly changed. You will adapt, cope and enjoy the new feeling I'm sure of it.

fucking numbnut government and its constant boneheaded decision making.

Is a thing of beauty and I'm totally nicking it.

I too hope that the future is better because we learn from this.