Going back out into the world

[SunshiningBetty]

So, I had the vaccine today as a 45 year old CV person. I thought I would feel euphoric but it was strangely underwhelming.

I am fully aware that I have let my fear of Covid get out of control and I am wondering how I am going to make the move back into real life. Obviously I fully intend to wait until lockdown starts to lift but what do I do then?

I felt really anxious going to the vaccination centre today. We had to queue inside and an elderly man came right up behind me. I asked him if he could move back a bit. After I came out we had to sit spaced out for 15 mins. I lasted about 2 then felt completely panicky at being so close to anyone and had to ask to wait somewhere quieter. I just kept imagining droplets of Covid 19 heading towards be despite being in an FFP3 masks. I then waited for 5 minutes before sneaking out and I honestly felt glorious when I was out in the fresh air again.

If I’m like this how on earth am I going to transition to normal(ish) life? My children did go back to school when they were allowed but I felt pure anxiety every day they were in. And such relief when we went into lockdown again.

I used to dash around everywhere, go to London for the weekend, the children had so many hobbies every night. I’m just scared of what I’ve become. My every thought for a year has been Covid, reading every research paper about it in case we could be doing something to lessen our chances of dying, staying up to get shopping slots etc.

Does anyone else worry about this?

I think as the more people get vaccinated,
You receive your second dose, the media starts talking about other things, spring arrives, your children are back to school slowly but surely things will see more normal and hopefully you’ll feel safer as well.

Until now we’ve lived fairly sheltered lives. It’s a couple of generations since we’ve had to worry about diseases. We don’t expect to get ill and die. It’s a relatively rare occurrence for anyone under 70. Now suddenly we’re being told there’s a disease that’s so serious we can’t go out or even go to work. We’ve seen healthy people our age die within the space of a couple of weeks. No wonder we’re scared. It will take time to get over that and trust that science has protected us against this virus as it has against many others.

If anyone stands within two metres of me in a queue I politely ask them to move back. I also hated having to go to A and E in December and sit with people in an indoor waiting room. I think that is a rational response when one is unvaccinated and covid levels have been high. Once more people are vaccinated and covid levels are much lower I don’t think I will feel that worried as it will just be nice to do all the things we haven’t been able to do and see relatives and friends. I think that once lockdown is lifted you will be able to gradually adjust to normal life by starting off with low risk activities like meeting friends outside and then gradually move on to other things like taking a train to London. If you still feel anxious once fully vaccinated I’d recommend a few cbt sessions to help you manage unhelpful thought patterns.

[quote TwirpingBird]@Biscoff2020 can i ask, what is the reason for your fear? Is it that you are CV, or do you think it's the constant 'stay at home, everyone is at risk' message?[/quote]
I just don't want to get Covid (or pass it onto my elderly parents)- but to be honest it's ending up with long Covid that worries me the most. I'm not CV and in my 30s.

My 61 yo CV self employed husband has been back working since last May. The only reason he didn't work right through was because work dried up for a couple of months. Work involves going into several houses each day. He's been fine.

You need to go on an information diet. Stop watching the news and going on coronavirus related social media posts etc. as much as you can. All you need to know is what restrictions are in place, the daily numbers and all the rest is just fuel for your anxiety.

@Biscoff2020 have you looked into the statistics of the likelihood if getting long covid in your 30s? It's very low. Also, surely your parents will be vaccinated soon if they are in any way elderly, meaning you pose very little serious risk to them.

Its sad to hear you are accepting of just sitting in your sitting room indefinitely, with time just passing by, time you will never get back, for something that is in reality a very small risk to you. I am 30, similar age, and I have a similar chance of dying on the M5 than of covid. I wouldnt have thought twice about driving the M5. What's the point of being alive if you dont go outside? I really think the government's 'stay at home' message has been a bit too successful. Its necessary for some people to take incredibly seriously, but those people are vaccinated now and will have protection in 3 weeks. For the rest of us, the risk is very small in the scale of life.

I feel afraid too. Cev and likely to be done for if I get covid. I’ve had the jab but somehow it doesn’t feel like nearly enough...

When I think of crowded trains, or the theatre, or anything really I start to panic at the thought.

Otoh I am desperate for life to resume for my dcs. My ds in particular is so down: two jobs cancelled and nowhere to go, no one to meet. That’s no life for a 21-year-old.

@SunshiningBetty I’m sorry people are still being harsh.
Unless you’ve been in the situation they won’t understand. A family with no one clinically vulnerable, both parents going to work through out/kids to school in a hub, on holiday in the U.K. and abroad last year will have an adult not understanding and saying they are fine.

There are posters who prior to covid have had to isolate due to cancer and medical treatment, it’s not a new thing, but others are acting like people who are shielding are over the top.

OP, when you’ve had your vaccine, start seeing people in your garden if you have one when we are allowed. But don’t feel pushed into doing stuff to force you out if you are still being told to shield. Have seen lots of people make the decision to stop shielding, but then everyone’s medical situation is different.

You’re doing great.

There is a very unhealthy obsession about long covid. Very odd
Especially as it's an alternative name for post viral fatigue which is not new

I always maintain that some people have never had “real” flu and so go over the top when they are knocked for six by a virus and call it “long covid”. Anyone knows that proper flu can leave you feeling like crap for weeks if not months.

Yes, there is ^damage” occasionally from a virus (which I have)but the general feeling of washed-out ness can result from any viral infection.

@TanginaBarrons

In the biggest possible way, I suggest you get some therapy. Your anxiety is disproportionate, but i think you know that.

I'm not sure you need to pay for therapy

But think about why you feel like this

Have you been absorbing a lot of government messages? Have you looked at it scientifically? Have you had a fear of being surrounded by infectious disease before?

Government fear, social media, news and Piers Morgan the biggest gob of all have done a great job in making people feel like this. OP, hang on in there.

You've been told for months not to go near people. It's understandable that you are now worried about going near to people.
It's going to take longer to eradicate fear of Covid than it has to get the disease under some control. I'm not antilock down or a denier. But the media has whipped up more fear. Take the statistics for example. Rates are published per 100,000. English average is just over 100 per 100,000 currently. So 1 in a thousand. 0.1% of people. Doesn't sound as scary that way. Obviously it's not just case numbers, it's hospital numbers.

I think many, many people will be feeling similar, so you definitely aren't alone. Small steps, you don't have to do everything all at once. Start off with a walk with a friend, then when restrictions lift, a coffee outside with a friend... Take it from there. I reckon the key might be choosing venues and people that you know well and are totally comfortable with. And building up slowly.

@IrmaFayLear

I always maintain that some people have never had “real” flu and so go over the top when they are knocked for six by a virus and call it “long covid”. Anyone knows that proper flu can leave you feeling like crap for weeks if not months.

Yes, there is ^damage” occasionally from a virus (which I have)but the general feeling of washed-out ness can result from any viral infection.

Yes I think you're right

Vaccination queues and waiting areas are not ideal in fact, I also felt rather uncomfortable at being asked to queue down a series of long, windowless corridors and then sit in a waiting room with a load of other people for 15 minutes. The waiting area had 1 door open for ventilation and I sat as close to the door as possible. It is winter so I guess they can't have us in the open air.

On the other hand, I was ecstatic at having the vaccine.

As someone CEV, I plan to continue being cautious (no plans to use the London Tube any time soon) but would love to do more. We have already had a very safe, very local birthday excursion with my daughter - and booked 2 self catering getaways for later in the year(which can easily be rearranged or cancelled) so we can see granny (who will have had her second vaccination by then).

Although I am fine with being cautious for now, I have really enjoyed small increases to our freedom and changes to the routine and I am hopeful of being able to get back to doing more. My own experience, also as a former solo backpacker across India in my teens etc, is that the sense of fun and habituated please has quickly returned with the prospect of being able to enjoy a glimmer of old pleasures. I have variously enjoyed watching programmes which include travel, often to places I have loved (the Hairy Bikers and Rick Stein cooking in Europe, Michael Portillo travelling across the UK by train, Bethany Hughes and Mary Beard, Susan Calman). Next year, in Jerusalem, maybe? (or Rome? or Istanbul?)

And till then keep safe and look after yourself and do things that give you happiness as much as you can.

It is true that, in this country at least (definitely not others), we're no longer used to death in the way we once were.

However, that was a shitty way to live. Half of my Mum's family was wiped out by a communicable disease (that there is now a vaccine for) when she was just born, including a child that died. It devastated her family and did damage that could never be undone by any amount of therapy. My Mum herself had treatment which caused long term damage and meant that her life was limited.

So fear of something like that happening isn't misplaced, it's healthy, particularly if you can actually do something to try and prevent catching a horrible communicable disease that could do that. It's all about balance between risks and benefits and it sounds like OP is well aware of that, it's just readjusting to a new way of life now she's been vaccinated that will take a while.

Sorry, that should be "habituated pleasure".

Also, I was very concerned about the state of schools when the kids were at school - either very crowded or with unclear protocols if someone tested positive, and then the school's actions didn't hold up to logical scrutiny. So we were told to shield for the past year but then send our kids into schools which weren't covid safe and then had to live with the risks. That was very stressful for a lot of people. Finding that difficult is a normal reaction, I'd say.

You sound extremely sensible to me .

See how you feel when restrictions lift, it may well all come out in the wash, as it were.

I feel exactly the same op. Cv and expecting such relief from receiving the vaccine this week but don’t yet. Think I’ll be better when my dp has his vaccination too.

Didn’t enjoy the vaccination centre either. Shared pens, no fresh air in the rooms, crossing paths with people, others coughing behind their masks 😑

I think it’ll gradually get easier rather than the immediate relief from worry we were expecting.

Also, I was very concerned about the state of schools when the kids were at school - either very crowded or with unclear protocols if someone tested positive, and then the school's actions didn't hold up to logical scrutiny. So we were told to shield for the past year but then send our kids into schools which weren't covid safe and then had to live with the risks. That was very stressful for a lot of people. Finding that difficult is a normal reaction, I'd say.

Hear hear, I felt the same (I'm not CV but do have underlying conditions). Telling people that is anxiety is gaslighting.

It's downright cruel what Project Fear has done to people with pre-existing Health Anxiety. Cruel.

I hope you can do some work on understanding risk, and know that exposure therapy is probably your best route. Challenge yourself to do something everyday that is currently scary, starting with going to the shop for example, or not wiping your shopping down. And you'll gradually see the actual danger not one that your mind has catastrophised.

@IloveJKRowling

Also, I was very concerned about the state of schools when the kids were at school - either very crowded or with unclear protocols if someone tested positive, and then the school's actions didn't hold up to logical scrutiny. So we were told to shield for the past year but then send our kids into schools which weren't covid safe and then had to live with the risks. That was very stressful for a lot of people. Finding that difficult is a normal reaction, I'd say.

Hear hear, I felt the same (I'm not CV but do have underlying conditions). Telling people that is anxiety is gaslighting.

Anxiety is simply a fear of the future. When we are worried, tense or afraid.

What else is it?

What else is it? It is reasonable and normal to be concerned about some of the things we have all lived through.

If people are still worried about going into shops when levels are much lower, then that is the time to consider exposure therapy. Not now.

DH gets regular phone calls from his hospital consultant stressing the importance of shielding to him because of his medical needs and impressing on him that if he does get COVID his chances aren't good.

Unless you're in a household where shielding is a necessity it's hard to understand I guess, but I don't think CEV people are overreacting at all.