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Original poster

Missing a funeral because it's on last day of isolation

47 replies

DuckyMcDuck · 14/02/2021 19:58

We finish our last day of self-isolating on Wednesday and so will have to miss the funeral of a neighbour which is on Tuesday.

She was 96 and has no relatives and I'm pretty sure we were going to be the only mourners. She was a lovely lady and we had been neighbours for over 20 years and I hate the idea that there will be no-one there for her at the end.

No real point to this I guess, I'm just feeling sad about it this evening.

OP posts:
pinkhappy · 14/02/2021 20:01

I would go. Just keep your distance and wear a mask.

Lynora · 14/02/2021 20:04

I'd go.

Original poster
DuckyMcDuck · 14/02/2021 20:08

I am tempted but DS2 and I both tested positive and have been poorly and if there was anyone there, they're bound to be pretty elderly and I'd hate to expose anyone to any risk.

I did suggest DH and DS1 go (they tested negative) but neither want to break the rules.

OP posts:
superram · 14/02/2021 20:10

Your neighbour won’t know and probably would prefer you don’t kill her mates. It’s a no brainer-you can’t go (and neither can your ‘negative’ family members. Sent a lovely bouquet/wreath and think of her at home.

mummabubs · 14/02/2021 20:13

Sorry OP but I say no, particularly as you've tested positve. You could still be shedding virus even on the penultimate day and would be putting anyone who works at the funeral venue at risk, plus any other mourners. I'm sorry that you've been poorly and also for your loss. Can you mark your neighbour's life in your own way at home on Tuesday?

Original poster
DuckyMcDuck · 14/02/2021 20:13

We're not going @superram, I just think it's really sad that we can't.

OP posts:
OneEpisode · 14/02/2021 20:15

Could you send flowers?

TinyCake · 14/02/2021 20:16

Oh this is so sad Flowers. You're right that no one can go but it doesn't make it easier for you. Could you plant something in her memory on the day?

Crackerofdoom · 14/02/2021 20:16

That's tough for you OP. I have a friend living in Belgium and his father died of Covid last summer. My friend wasn't allowed to go to the funeral or even go and be with his family. It was really hard.

Why not do something at home to remember her? If she is looking down she will know you thought of her and of she isn't there is no harm done.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/02/2021 20:28

You can't go.

Toddlerteaplease · 14/02/2021 20:29

Presumably most of the people there would be a similar age, so at risk. You'd be breaking the law.

peak2021 · 14/02/2021 20:30

I don't think you should go. You might find mourners you did not expect.

Original poster
DuckyMcDuck · 14/02/2021 20:39

Just to clarify, we are NOT going.

OP posts:
Gooseysgirl · 14/02/2021 20:42

Don't go. My dickhead cousin and his wife drove 100 miles to attend a funeral, caught covid, passed it on to their kids and other family. So fucking irresponsible

TinyCake · 14/02/2021 20:42

Hi OP, sorry you are having to keep explaining you aren't going.

I will think of you and your lovely neighbour on Tuesday Flowers

Gooseysgirl · 14/02/2021 20:43

It is a shit situation OP, and I so sorry you are having to make this decision 😔

Cornettoninja · 14/02/2021 20:43

Can you send the funeral director a poem or piece to be read out loud in your absence? I’ve found funeral directors and staff to be incredibly respectful of the deceased and their friends/family. I have every confidence it would be read aloud even if no one else was there.

You could all read the same piece together and mark the event at home.

lookout198991 · 14/02/2021 20:44

This is very sad. I agree you've made the right decision in not going. Could you send the vicar something to read (e.g. some of your memories of her), so it feels like there was input from someone there who knew her? Might make you feel better (both for her and for you).

mice · 14/02/2021 20:48

Speak to the funeral director. Many crematorium are offering free webcasts at the moment, it may be that you can join in feom home. I am a funeral celebrant and we do everything we can to keep people involved at the moment. Even if no one is there we treat people with the same level of repeat and I would be delighted if someoen sent me something to read. Thank you for not going, not everyone has been as respectful to those of us in the frontline funeral industry.

Original poster
DuckyMcDuck · 14/02/2021 20:49

That's a great idea re a poem or reading @Cornettoninja and @lookout198991, I'll call them tomorrow.

I'm really pleased I posted now. Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 14/02/2021 20:50

I know someone who went and stood outside the crematorium but didn't go in.

SendMeHome · 14/02/2021 20:52

Sorry you can’t go... are they streaming it? That sounds ghoulish, but it seems pretty common in these times? If not, sending a poem/reading seems a lovely idea.

PurBal · 14/02/2021 20:53

You can attend a funeral if you are positive for COVID-19. You just need to tell the funeral director. They need to accommodate.

murbblurb · 14/02/2021 20:53

Op cannot leave the house, and won't be. Idea of sending a reading is excellent. And stop to remember a the time of the service. I've done that a few times before covid when I couldn't get to a funeral.

Cornettoninja · 14/02/2021 20:53

Glad you’ve found some comfort from making this thread @DuckyMcDuck Flowers

@mice you do such a valuable job and in such tough times it’s so often forgotten. You and your colleagues are more than worth their weight in gold Flowers

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