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Covid

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Original poster

Missing a funeral because it's on last day of isolation

47 replies

DuckyMcDuck · 14/02/2021 19:58

We finish our last day of self-isolating on Wednesday and so will have to miss the funeral of a neighbour which is on Tuesday.

She was 96 and has no relatives and I'm pretty sure we were going to be the only mourners. She was a lovely lady and we had been neighbours for over 20 years and I hate the idea that there will be no-one there for her at the end.

No real point to this I guess, I'm just feeling sad about it this evening.

OP posts:

sunflowertulip · 14/02/2021 20:55

You can go to the funeral of someone very close even if you've had a positive test result but not sure if that is just for immediate family, and I see you're not going anyway. It's really rubbish. I've had to go to two funerals during lockdown, and have another coming up, and they are not what people deserve as a farewell regardless. Your own send off at home will also be important.

Maryann1975 · 14/02/2021 20:58

@PurBal is that a real thing written in government guidance, or a local rule that someone has made up to enable them to go to a funeral? I’ve never heard of it, but have known people not be able to go to funerals because they are isolating (including close family members). I’m surprised if you are allowed that it isn’t more widely known and publicised by funeral directors?

mice · 14/02/2021 20:59

@murbblurb you can go to a funeral of a close family member if you test positive but it is actually very selfish to do so.
When someoen suggested doing this at one of my services I said I would no longer officiate. I have to protect all of the families I work with as well as my family and myself.
The man watched from home in the end and I had lovely feedback. We have to think of everyone at the moment and not be selfish.
Thank you @cornettoninja the funeral directors have done an amazing job in these difficult times. It is a privilege to do what we can for every family at the moment despite the many restrictions.

sunflowertulip · 14/02/2021 21:03

@Maryann1975 119 told my brother he could attend, as did the funeral director. He didn't though.

Sadbadglad · 14/02/2021 21:16

My Husband died last March. My son caught Covid the following week and we were not allowed to go

Original poster

DuckyMcDuck · 15/02/2021 11:51

I'm so sorry @Sadbadglad. Sending hugs to you and your son.

I spoke to the funeral directors and they said we can send a reading so DSs are writing something now!

We will be thinking of her tomorrow.

Thank you again.

OP posts:

whatswithtodaytoday · 15/02/2021 12:17

@PurBal Do you have a source for that? It seems very unlikely.

My MIL is a funeral celebrant and I would really rather she not be in contact with people who are knowingly Covid positive - it's a risky enough profession at the moment already.

Cornettoninja · 15/02/2021 12:30

Lovely @DuckyMcDuck, I’m glad you feel you’ve found a way to say farewell

mice · 15/02/2021 15:10

@whatswithtodaytoday it is on the government website as to who can attend a funeral at the moment.
I'd be surprised if your MIL wasn't aware if this as a celebrant already.
It is a daft rule that none of us are happy about in the funeral industry.
So glad you are sending a reading in to be read Ducky, that is ablovely thought.

whatswithtodaytoday · 15/02/2021 16:07

Thanks @mice. Hmm. Maybe she hasn't mentioned it so she doesn't worry us!

Lemons1571 · 15/02/2021 23:40

I have just read the guidance and am completely confused. It says anyone with symptoms should not attend under any circumstances. But then further down it says if you are isolating after a positive test you can attend as long as it’s close family funeral. Doesn’t make sense!

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 15/02/2021 23:55

You really shouldn't go. She won't know, and you're not expected.

See if they can stream it online.

Porcupineintherough · 16/02/2021 06:39

I guess they're drawing a distinction bw self isolating because you have symptoms /are sick (dont go) and self isolating because you are a close contact (can go).

lookout198991 · 16/02/2021 13:45

Thinking of you today @DuckyMcDuck. I'm glad your boys managed to write something for her service - it's a lovely way to remember her and I hope has helped you feel part of it.

I think it's lovely that you developed a close relationship with an elderly neighbour (when many people don't bother with the elderly) - I'm sure having your family in her final years when perhaps others in her life were no longer there meant a lot.

Larkin01 · 16/02/2021 13:50

Thinking of you today OP

@mice thank you for what you’re doing in these times, I think those funeral directors and those officiating are often forgotten , or you’re doing great work.

mice · 16/02/2021 13:57

Thank you @Larkin01 we have seen first hand just how devasting this last year has been for families, not just those who have died from covid, but every family that has lost someone and also now we are starting to see people where other medical conditaions haven't been diagnosed - and they all have to say their goodbyes without all of their family around them and no wake etc etc.

Thinking of you today @DuckyMcDuck it is so lovely that you were there for this lady and even if there isn't anyone at her service the level of respect she is treated with will be just the same and knowing you are thinking of her at home will be a comfort to the funeral staff with her today. We do all genuinelly care about the people entrusted to us.

TinyCake · 16/02/2021 17:14

ivykaty44 · 16/02/2021 17:33

You can attend a funeral if you are positive for COVID-19. You just need to tell the funeral director. They need to accommodate.

can you give further information on this
it does surprise me as I know parents who have missed their pwn Childs funeral due to being positive and not allowed to attend

Frozenintime · 16/02/2021 17:37

Please go.

Original poster

DuckyMcDuck · 16/02/2021 20:06

Thank you everyone.

We watched the funeral on the webcam, there wasn't anyone there as far as we could see apart from the men who carried the coffin in, who stayed which was nice of them (fixed camera which only showed the first couple of rows). The celebrant was very good and read my boys message from us and there were a couple of hymns.

I know she will never know but I so wish we could have been there but I guess we made the right decision. She didn't want flowers so we have made a donation to a charity in her memory.

RIP D - we will miss you and think of you often.

OP posts:

StepOutOfLine · 16/02/2021 20:25

you're a good person OP.
And so are you @mice Thank you for what you do.

I had to watch my mother's funeral via Webcast last summer. The day before the travel corridors opened. I was really nervous at the thought of seeing the funeral director staff/ celebrant, I dunno, being disrespectful in some way once the handful of mourners had gone but the webcast was still on. They didn't. They continued to quietly move around doing what they needed to do and bowed their heads slightly every time they passed in front of the coffin.

ilikebooksandplants · 16/02/2021 21:10

OP, you WERE there if you watched on webcast. We do what we have to do in these weird times.
I’m sorry for your loss.

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