I'm scared of March, the anniversary...

[AnniversaryScaresMe]

Anyone else?
Something about it being a year, reliving the terrible moment we were all separated.
I live alone so it was horrendous.
I know it sounds ridiculous but somehow it feels like I'm going to have to go through it all again, and I just can't.

Think of it this way OP, on 23rd March 2021 we will be in a far far better position than we were on 23rd March 2020 in terms of vaccines and treatment. I truly think the worst of this is almost over now.

A year ago if you'd told me what the rules would be I wouldn't have believed you. I would have thought it a human rights abuse. I feel scared, unsafe. I'm living in a world where the government can put law abiding citizens into solitary confinement. That's fucking terrifying. I couldn't escape it. I couldn't escape what they did. Nothing feels safe, knowing they can take everything, take away your loved ones

I was thinking to start a thread about this this morning, but didnt quite know how to phrase it.

I think this will be one of the enduring memories when people look back on what happened. What we think of as rights, were whisked away.

If it is all right with you, I will start a thread, and use your words?

@RoseAndRose
You do not need to be 'imprisoned' - even the CEV are allowed out for daily exercise and to meet one person whilst they exercise. If you not going out at all, I would urge you to start, exercise and being in natural daylight aren't a magic cure, but the reason they are consistently recommended is because they have such a positive effect.

You do know that the CEV in the first lockdown were told to not even go into their gardens? That a lot of people didn’t stop and didn’t get a summer of go out to eat and on holiday, that they still have been told to not risk mixing. Some people have lived that life for 12 months. Great that you got to do a normal summer, but remember everyone in is a different situation and you cannot minimise what others are go through that you yourself don’t understand.

Also different countries have different rules, I think in Wales they haven’t even been allowed to meet for exercise with one other person until this week/not allowed to drive as in England.

That's fine @lightand x

I don't want to turn this into a competitive misery thing because by now everyone is struggling in different ways, but I think anyone who doesn't live alone can't understand what the first few months of lockdown were like for people who did. In the space of a few weeks we went from living normal lives to it being illegal to see anyone we knew - partners, family, friends, colleagues etc - under any circumstances. Support bubbles and meeting outside weren't introduced until June, so this went on for two and a half months, and at the time there was no set end date.

There was very little contact with any other people except over social media (obviously you could phone people, but even people's best friends usually don't want to talk to them every single day), so staying off it wasn't a great option. But at the same time, it was full of people going on about what a wonderful time they were having with their families, yelling about how selfish and pathetic we were for struggling when we were 'being asked to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix', and making apocalyptic predictions about how lockdown would last for years - laughable now, but at the time it was all completely unprecedented and we had no idea.

And then of course we had the same anxiety as everyone else about the people we loved most getting sick and maybe dying, not knowing when we'd next be able to see them - but with no-one around to share our worries with or to reassure us. Even now I haven't touched another person in several months, and it was breaking the rules when I did.

Again, I don't want to say lone adults have had it harder than anyone else overall - right now I'd much rather live on my own than be shielding or responsible for young children, and there are people living with worse problems than not being able to see anyone for a while. I'm just saying I get why the OP feels the way she does, and I don't understand why people come onto threads like this purely to roll their eyes or otherwise be a dick to someone who's clearly finding things tough right now. But if that's the most fulfilling way you can think of to spend your time then you do you, I guess.

I have noticed that almost everyone has struggled for these past months, but for so many different reasons.

Living alone is different to WFH FT with homeschooling or young kids.

Being CEV is different to being very low risk.

Your hobbies have also influenced happiness levels - if you still have access to your usual hobbies you are happier than those don't.

Living close enough to friends and family to see them as soon as restrictions are lifted vs juggling 2 different countries' rules.

Having DC young enough to catch up on missed work vs exam level or graduate DC who have been highly impacted.

So whilst I think saying you are in solitary confinement is OTT (you have seen and been in contact with people even if you'd have preferred to see other people) you are allowed to feel what you feel.

I do agree with PPs about framing it positively though. If you'd known a year ago it would have been awful. But you've done it. You've lived through it.

Oh and I think the competitive misery comes from all these different aspects that influence how you're doing during the pandemic.

Its hard to emphasise with someone who is living a totally different experience to you and possibly living an experience you'd prefer (being surrounded by noisy demanding DC vs being alone in peace for example)

@psychomath

I don't want to turn this into a competitive misery thing because by now everyone is struggling in different ways, but I think anyone who doesn't live alone can't understand what the first few months of lockdown were like for people who did. In the space of a few weeks we went from living normal lives to it being illegal to see anyone we knew - partners, family, friends, colleagues etc - under any circumstances. Support bubbles and meeting outside weren't introduced until June, so this went on for two and a half months, and at the time there was no set end date.

There was very little contact with any other people except over social media (obviously you could phone people, but even people's best friends usually don't want to talk to them every single day), so staying off it wasn't a great option. But at the same time, it was full of people going on about what a wonderful time they were having with their families, yelling about how selfish and pathetic we were for struggling when we were 'being asked to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix', and making apocalyptic predictions about how lockdown would last for years - laughable now, but at the time it was all completely unprecedented and we had no idea.

And then of course we had the same anxiety as everyone else about the people we loved most getting sick and maybe dying, not knowing when we'd next be able to see them - but with no-one around to share our worries with or to reassure us. Even now I haven't touched another person in several months, and it was breaking the rules when I did.

Again, I don't want to say lone adults have had it harder than anyone else overall - right now I'd much rather live on my own than be shielding or responsible for young children, and there are people living with worse problems than not being able to see anyone for a while. I'm just saying I get why the OP feels the way she does, and I don't understand why people come onto threads like this purely to roll their eyes or otherwise be a dick to someone who's clearly finding things tough right now. But if that's the most fulfilling way you can think of to spend your time then you do you, I guess.

Yep, this. I don't live alone, but it only takes a bit of empathy to get this.

Is it possible to arrange some nice things for 23rd March, as a celebration of making it this far? I know that might be a walk to buy a takeaway coffee with your support bubble and a zoom with some other friends, but, something? if you know you’re going to notice the date, try to make it a positive thing.

My son has a life-changing chronic medical condition. The anniversary of the date he was diagnosed sometimes hits me hard. Some years it slips past un-noticed. I get that anniversaries can be difficult (and also that some people are unaffected by them and think the rest of us are bonkers!).

@InvincibleInvisibility

Oh and I think the competitive misery comes from all these different aspects that influence how you're doing during the pandemic.

Its hard to emphasise with someone who is living a totally different experience to you and possibly living an experience you'd prefer (being surrounded by noisy demanding DC vs being alone in peace for example)

I agree that when everyone is struggling it can be difficult to empathise with others in different situations, but there's a huge difference between privately thinking "God I wish this person's problems were all I had to deal with", and actually replying with eye rolls, 'so dramatic' comments and nasty little sarcastic digs. As you say, everyone is struggling - no-one who posts about having a hard time needs other people being twats to them on top of it, and I can't imagine it makes the people being twats feel much better about themselves either in the long run.

I was looking through my emails last night searching for something, and ended up reading a chain of messages between myself and my friend from work in March. God, we were so naive! I can't quite believe it's been a year. No strong feelings about "the anniversary", but bloody hell, what a year.

@psychomath

I don't want to turn this into a competitive misery thing because by now everyone is struggling in different ways, but I think anyone who doesn't live alone can't understand what the first few months of lockdown were like for people who did. In the space of a few weeks we went from living normal lives to it being illegal to see anyone we knew - partners, family, friends, colleagues etc - under any circumstances. Support bubbles and meeting outside weren't introduced until June, so this went on for two and a half months, and at the time there was no set end date.

There was very little contact with any other people except over social media (obviously you could phone people, but even people's best friends usually don't want to talk to them every single day), so staying off it wasn't a great option. But at the same time, it was full of people going on about what a wonderful time they were having with their families, yelling about how selfish and pathetic we were for struggling when we were 'being asked to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix', and making apocalyptic predictions about how lockdown would last for years - laughable now, but at the time it was all completely unprecedented and we had no idea.

And then of course we had the same anxiety as everyone else about the people we loved most getting sick and maybe dying, not knowing when we'd next be able to see them - but with no-one around to share our worries with or to reassure us. Even now I haven't touched another person in several months, and it was breaking the rules when I did.

Again, I don't want to say lone adults have had it harder than anyone else overall - right now I'd much rather live on my own than be shielding or responsible for young children, and there are people living with worse problems than not being able to see anyone for a while. I'm just saying I get why the OP feels the way she does, and I don't understand why people come onto threads like this purely to roll their eyes or otherwise be a dick to someone who's clearly finding things tough right now. But if that's the most fulfilling way you can think of to spend your time then you do you, I guess.

This, absolutely. It took the government MONTHS to remember single people and it has been utterly shit to live alone during this time - and I say that as an extreme introvert. I’m incredibly privileged that a) I have a family member to bubble with and b) a couple of sensible friends that have been fine with more normal contact, but people just don’t get it in my experience.

@C8H10N4O2

Perhaps you could suggest Hallmark produce cards?

Hopefully some of the intelligent and thoughtful posts by people who had to deal with lockdown alone have opened your eyes a little to just how unhelpful this was.

It's a depressing thought that it's been going on for a year - but you are building this up to be much bigger than it needs to be! I'm not saying it's a molehill - but you're definitely making a mountain of it.

@C8H10N4O2
I bet they will - why miss a profit opportunity! But what if the tacky card shops are still closed?

I've been trying to be fine all year and it sort of feels like once its been a year I have to face that it all really happened and I don't have any strength left

I completely understand OP and I feel just the same. I'm so, so tired mentally. I just feel completely at the end of my mental resilience, some days.