Single parents how do you manage the stress and anxiety

[listerclocks]

How do you manage the anxiety? My teens are stressed by it all and so am I, sometimes it's overwhelming me but without a partner to talk to it's so hard.

Obviously everybody else is in the same boat so I don't think it's appropriate to talk to people I know as they are dealing with the same stresses and strains but it's so so hard.

I worry about my teens (who both are at home)mental health as one of them in particular is withdrawing from me and is unusually irritable (he's usually cheerful and chatty in as much as teens ever are) and when I speak to my parents they are verging on deep despair as they think they are not living a life worth having with being so isolated and think they are wasting their last years of life. They both live alone and won't see us.

My eldest son works in the NHS with vulnerable people but at the moment is working from home in a tiny rented flat and barely sees anybody and is out of our area so we can't see him either.

I'm running out of coping strategies.

In a word: badly.

I'm fucking knackered the whole time. Just not letting myself think about what would happen if I got covid (I'm mid 50s, DS early teens). Can't manage to juggle home schooling and work. Desperately missing my dad (in his 80s, haven't seen him in over a year 'cos where he lives was one of the first places to be locked down over the summer). DS is struggling with schoolwork (dyslexic so additional barrier - reading endless slides online is his idea of hell) and really missing his mates.

It's crap, isn't it?

Yes, it's crap

What else can I say? I'm not coping.

I used the GPs appointment screening app last night as I feel so shit I thought about contacting my GP but it said that my symptoms were best managed at home with some self care and suggested stuff that is impossible anyway. In other words don't waste their time.

Your teens can meet their friends one on one and so can you, and you could bubble up with another household - both within rules. Apart from that I'd just think fuck it and do what you need to do. If you've got to the point where you're looking for help from the GP I would think that the mental health of your family takes precedence over the covid rules.

I have good days and bad days. My two are 11 and 13, coping ok but it's more me who is struggling. I do offload to my mum a bit on the phone, and to some friends. I've also used the Samaritans. I think talking to someone does help.

But yes it's crap and I'm in the same boat

My teens do meet a friend each one on one. I don't meet with anybody as I don't know anybody I could ask and I don't have a support bubble. Most people I know have an adult son or daughter living away from home who they are in a bubble with and obviously they are their priority, I wouldn't expect anybody to bubble with me when they need to bubble with their adult son or daughter - I wouldn't in the same circumstances. I don't have anybody to offload to but maybe I will email the Samaritans.

for everybody struggling.

It’s really bloody hard. I’m worried about what would happen to dd if I got sick. She is bored and missing her friends. Technically we can’t go for a walk with anyone within the rules as I can’t leave her alone and she can’t go by herself to meet a friend. Missing elderly parent who lives alone. Struggling with full time job and supporting homeschooling. Worrying and sad and lonely times.

I feel sorry for people trapped at home with a husband.

But, I do feel so lucky that my dc are teens. If this had happened when they were small, I don't know how I would have kept my job.

Badly! I just take each hour as it comes right now. Some hours I’m okay, some I’m sobbing and there seems to be no logic to either.

I get so fed up with people suggesting I get a ‘support’ bubble. I’m in one, with my elderly mum. The support is very much one way, though that’s no her fault.

I’m just holding onto the hope that this has to get better eventually. It just has to.

Sorry. This isn’t a very helpful post but I promise you’re not alone. I think getting some help from the GP is a great idea. Don’t feel like you’re being a nuisance, you’re really not. Your well-being is very important.

@PageBaileyandbookanOR

I feel sorry for people trapped at home with a husband.

But, I do feel so lucky that my dc are teens. If this had happened when they were small, I don't know how I would have kept my job.

It's very hard on people who are having to home educate younger children, I would have had to give up my job as well if mine were younger. As it is they stay at home and work and I go out to work as I can't WFH.

I feel lonely being single but better that than being in an awful marriage.

I’m massively struggling. Actually broke down this morning. My DC are primary and one has SEN. Realise this morning I can’t cope anymore with all this and working. Going to have to contact the doctor I think as honestly can’t keep going like this . I feel so broken that I can’t see how I will come back. And so very lonely.

to everyone else in this boat.

I’m wondering whether chat groups would help? I’m on mn for hours a day at the moment which is purely to calm my anxious brain. I have all sorts of issues going on- it doesn’t feel particularly Covid or isolating related- but I would love to have people to chat with on some sort of forum. Mn is too big for the personal interaction I think. But I saw a thread earlier asking would people like to join a group for anxiety sufferers.
I’m mid 50s. Single mum. More issues than I could write here. I would love a chat group of some kind. Just to pull each other through the day perhaps? I’m rambling now.

We walk. A lot. DC and I have 3 walks scheduled today with other single adults and their child. Fresh air is good for the mind and spirit. The kids moan beforehand but once they are wellies up and out they enjoy themselves.

@littlestpogo

I’m massively struggling. Actually broke down this morning. My DC are primary and one has SEN. Realise this morning I can’t cope anymore with all this and working. Going to have to contact the doctor I think as honestly can’t keep going like this . I feel so broken that I can’t see how I will come back. And so very lonely.

to everyone else in this boat.

I don't know how you do it, coping with primary age and SEN to boot must be bloody hard work.

I didn't feel like this during the first lockdown, it seemed like it was only going on for a short time (weren't we optimistic then!) and the weather was better but now it's going on and on.

@JasperTheHungry

Badly! I just take each hour as it comes right now. Some hours I’m okay, some I’m sobbing and there seems to be no logic to either.

I get so fed up with people suggesting I get a ‘support’ bubble. I’m in one, with my elderly mum. The support is very much one way, though that’s no her fault.

I’m just holding onto the hope that this has to get better eventually. It just has to.

Sorry. This isn’t a very helpful post but I promise you’re not alone. I think getting some help from the GP is a great idea. Don’t feel like you’re being a nuisance, you’re really not. Your well-being is very important.

Let's all support each other on this thread. It's all we can do?

pogo have you talked to the school about your SEN DC? Vulnerable children are allowed to go to school. It would give both of you a break. Also do call your GP, many many people are finding their resilience cracking. I asked for a low dose AD and am finding things much easier to bear. That may not be for you, but I’m finding that with less anxiety I can sleep and that makes my day so much easier.

@TSSDNCOP -I have yes re DS and school. Unfortunately they are being quite difficult about things now ( ironically I also have a keyworker letter but am wfh) having let a lot of kids in originally. I shouldn’t have tried to do the right thing keeping him at home initially in retrospect! I have taken ADs in the past and also coming to the conclusion I should go on them again. My work have been really understanding but basically said to me this week they think I need to be signed off.

It would be great to support each other on this thread. I think this time is also harder because we’ve all been doing it for so long by now - so less reserves. I forced myself to put some upbeat music on and dances with the kids this morning which did make me feel a bit better! Obviously not one you can do with teens I suspect my 8 year old was pretty horrified as it was .

Meant to add I completely agree listerclocks it’s the not having someone else to talk to/keep things in perspective that can make it feel so hard.

I think my teenagers would sign up for intensive therapy if I put music on and danced. We did have a pillow fight the other day though but only until one of them hit me and not the pillow.

The lack of perspective or even just a person to say 'it's shit isn't it' really is hard.

That and not crying, I don't want my teens seeing me crying so I hold it all in. I can't tell my parents how I am feeling and wouldn't tell my adult DS either.

Not coping at all well either unfortunately. Just trying to get us through each day right now. No support bubble here either - I've really discovered how utterly unimportant I am to anyone in the past year, so just me and my 6 year old day in day out without any hint of a break. I'm sick of trying to organise virtual catch ups with people who are the first to ask for help but don't reciprocate. It's absolutely shit and the worst bit is that I can't even see it improving once we're allowed back into the world as actually what will change other than being totally alone in a bigger world. But it is what it is, just got to keep going haven't we - no other choice.

I'm struggling and finding it difficult. I don't have a bubble as all my friends and local family are bubbling with their adult kids. Plus my parents live abroad. Outside of me and DD the only other person I see is XH which def doesn't help at all.
DD is acting up none stop and it's exhausting

Yeah I thought that the other day - the irony of my bloody ex being pretty much the only other adult I interact with.

Not coping well either. I go to work and come back and that’s it. The house is messy and one of my teens has also hugely withdrawn from me, as well as having problems with online school work. The other two are okay, but would rather be at school.

I feel as if I am treading water until things get better.

I've worked throughout this, retail.

I'm very proud of my teens. They have got themselves up and ready for the day every time it's needed.

I have however checked up on them while at work to make sure they are awake.

I on the other hand am exhausted. I am so scared of being covid home to them.

I guess I've just found out where I am lucky, I don't have to see an ex-partner. That's a whole other thread though but the teens refuse to see him.