Single parents how do you manage the stress and anxiety

[listerclocks]

How do you manage the anxiety? My teens are stressed by it all and so am I, sometimes it's overwhelming me but without a partner to talk to it's so hard.

Obviously everybody else is in the same boat so I don't think it's appropriate to talk to people I know as they are dealing with the same stresses and strains but it's so so hard.

I worry about my teens (who both are at home)mental health as one of them in particular is withdrawing from me and is unusually irritable (he's usually cheerful and chatty in as much as teens ever are) and when I speak to my parents they are verging on deep despair as they think they are not living a life worth having with being so isolated and think they are wasting their last years of life. They both live alone and won't see us.

My eldest son works in the NHS with vulnerable people but at the moment is working from home in a tiny rented flat and barely sees anybody and is out of our area so we can't see him either.

I'm running out of coping strategies.

Ones in school. Sen. Other disabled child is at home doing well with learning and is reasonably independent as long as I am around. (Functions best at home)

Church Zoom meetings three or four days a week are keeping me sane.

Bubbled with ex for children's sake to keep them safe but you know, ex for a reason.

Self isolations are worse, I am a wreck by the end Sen one emits random blood curdling screams and does not sleep until early hours.
Don't work. On carers allowance so not trying to juggle that.

Got my own disabilities.

You choose your battles. Let stuff go. Don’t pry too much (just enough) . I decided last year after a death that I’d had enough of trying to do everything for everyone. I go to work I come home care for the kids, I chill I watch telly, I don’t stress or worry about things at work if it goes tots up I’ll explain if I need to. I cry sometimes but not for long. I breath and think one day I’ll be at cinema complaining about his crap the film is ...can’t wait

@PageBaileyandbookanOR

I feel sorry for people trapped at home with a husband.

But, I do feel so lucky that my dc are teens. If this had happened when they were small, I don't know how I would have kept my job.

This but I also acknowledge a decent man (oh lolz - are there any truly decent men? Maybe a few eh) is probably a Godsend - if you’re in a healthy relationship, I’m sure it lessens the load but we all know how much more horrendous it might be also ...

I’m exhausted today - I work 12hr shifts in a physically and emotionally demanding (but brilliant) care job (complex dementia patients) - we are dealing with Covid at the moment but I’ve had it and been vaccinated so better than the first time.

My eldest DD18 has a lovely boyfriend and is housekeeping for a year before she starts a Law Degree in Manchester in September - she’s pretty steady and doing fine - the youngest DD14 is absolutely all over the place - was social and happy in school and is now moody, aggressive, 95% non compliant with online learning (GCSEs next year) - she is nocturnal although was up at 6am this morning - her bedroom is a swamp of fake nails, posters of XXX Tentacion and Tupac, horrible nylon Shein clothes strewn everywhere, makeup, Wotsits, broken buddhas and other wierd bits and bobs - any attempt to meaningfully engage is fruitless and I am frustrated, pissed off and utterly fed up with it and worried for her.

But, at least I don’t have to deal with living with my ex 🙏

Not coping at all. I'm physically disabled and my 6yo DD has the type of Autism where she never, ever stops talking and requires constant interaction and bosses me around & critiques every single little thing I do..... Right now I'm being ordered to go upstairs and play trains, even though she knows very well I can't get on the floor and bend/twist the way that requires me to. However if I don't do it, she will hit the absolute roof and I'll have a 4/5hr meltdown to contend with. Will have things smashed up, screamed & shouted at, hit, kicked, you name it. She also mostly refuses to go on the Teams calls with school. Thankfully they allow her to go to school 3 days a week (they offered 5 days but I stupidly chose 3 days out of what I can only presume to be laziness on my part! So I only have myself to blame there) so it's only 2 days per week (2 sessions per day ) that I have to try and get her on the calls, but it's a real battle.

I told her lovely teacher that I was struggling and so she kindly arranged 1:1 sessions with a TA (she apparently doesn't require 1:1 in classroom, this was just to help me). However I'm told these are in addition to the usual current 2 sessions with her Teacher. So that's now 3 times I have to battle to get her online! 🤦🏼‍♀️

However, even if she was at school 5 days a week, although I'm grateful for the time alone whilst she's there and do appreciate that not many parents are getting that right now, it's still extremely hard when she is here. Especially with her limited understanding for her age.

I don't know how much longer I can do this.....

I have reached out for help and had a very nice lady call me and refer us to the '0-19 Team' and and gave some well meaning advice, however all the help & support the 0-19 Team can give at the moment is................online........! 😩😩😩

*involves DD going online I mean! Whilst she's already going online 3 times per day to do lessons which is already proving mostly impossible....

@ruledbyASD I don't know how you do it

Generally what's helping me cope through this pandemic is remembering that things can only get better from now on in. There are already signs of spring which is around the corner which will feel alot better. We also have a date for schools potentially going back which will be another positive change. On a daily basis i try and do new things or have different routines / different meals from the norm to change the day up. Is there something like that you could do to try and keep things a bit more interesting and give you something to focus on and forget worries? Other than that i try and just let go and "not care " about how things are. It sounds a bit callous of me but what i mean is there's nothing i can do about how things are right now but i know it has to eventually pass. Time changes everything so i try and just not care about things i cant change and focus on what i can do. Step away from the media as much as possible and get back to the basics. Something grounding. Of course weve been told 100s of times but just losing yourself in hobbies or a film helps us stop spiralling out of control. This will get better.

I feel sorry for people trapped at home with a husband.

This. 👏🤣 I'm sure it would be lovely with a great husband who entirely pulls their weight, never sulks and can drag themselves away from tv or playstation for a chat and a glass of wine after the kids go to sleep, but that really isn't common. If I was married to my exh in lockdown I'd have lost my mind and am grateful every day that isn't the case.

I've found the school extremely supportive throughout the pandemic. Giving yourself permission not to be June Cleaver and a willingness to drop the rope on "nice to haves" is also key to survival. Going out to work and using covid childcare if you are fortunate enough to have access is also a total sanity (and finances) saver.

And coffee. Lots of coffee.

I guess it depends what struggles you already had. We've had quite a change within the last year, as me and DS weren't living with his father(my exP) due to housing issues, stayed with parents, that was hard, and then secured some accommodation. So just the two of us, luckily I had been a SAHM, and had something to live off of, so wasn't struggling with trying to work from home. But now had to claim UC and they are nagging(understandably about work as it's part of the the claim) and I am trying to get DS in to nursery otherwise I don't see another solution. And then worrying they will cut money now, which would start a rollercoaster of issues.
We go out, and so does half the area! Of course usual stuff isn't open, and not seeing people as usually might of done, but I feel more shit because of having left abusive ex, and due to reporting things, which I should of done when they happened, I am advised to stop contact, so that has been hard not having child care support/time to self. All the responsibilities building up. No one should have to be together day and night, and DS sleeps in with me still, as he always shared a room with us before, and now he has his own room, it is going to be quite a transition I feel, to get him to sleep in it, I haven't pushed it initially because we needed our sleep, and because he's been through a lot, feeling attached to me in a new place.

Bloody tough going. I have a 2yo (the most active toddler alive) and a 4 yo who I attempt to home school while working home and trying to prevent toddler from coming to harm.
Literally had no idea what the concept of “juggling” was before last March, even after being left with tiny kids !