Has anyone managed to get a struggling child back into school?

[Belleende]

My 5 y.o. Dd is really struggling. This week has taken to refusing to leave the house. Will only do any work after a monumental battle. Really missing her peers. We had bubbled with another mum but she had family move near and is now bubbling with them, so we have no regular contact with other kids, just who we bump into in the park.

She is showing signs of anxiety, tics and obsessing about certain things. She is summer born, and I have questioned whether she might have some learning difficulties, the jury is still out on that one.

We have now minimised the school stuff, focusing on the basics, she also has a day off on Wednesdays.

I can't think of what else will help her apart from going back to school, but I don't know if it is reasonable to ask. Anyone have any experience to share? This all sucks so much.

No harm in asking. They can only say no. Have you told the school about the situation? Even if they can't offer a place they may be able to offer support to you and/or your DD. It sounds very hard OP.

hmm sorry to hear that. if she isn't statemented its doubtful imo. On someone's advice I tried dropping clanging great hints to my year 6's teacher, but got nowhere. he is dyslexic and has been showing bad mh recently and has been really struggling with the workload, feels like a failure and crying. but the teacher didn't bite at all but was lovely, gave him days off and will come up with a strategy next week. its unlikely they'll take him back but if you beging by asking for support and explaining the issues at least you'll be able to make them aware and get more support.

sorry, typo- I meant if you begin by asking for support

I think much depends on how full they are. Local schools here refused places to parents who are key workers ( all children with a diagnosis of SEN a have places as first priority) so much depends on numbers and if your child can be classed as vulnerable.

If a child was struggling like this at the school I teach in, then they would be asked to come into school and given a space. I would get in touch with the headteacher stating what you have put here.

Contact the head.

Unfortunately at my school we have a large number of pupils displaying the same and no more capacity for anyone to come in due to all spaces being taken, but we are setting up daily wellbeing meetings, daily calls and door step visits to try and support those struggling at home.

Sorry, I can't answer the question, but I would make it a priority to find another child she likes at school to meet for daily playdates in the park.
Stop trying to keep up with school work and just give her play activities. Stay out on bike and scooter as much as weather permits. I know you said she is refusing to go out, but if you said you're going to meet her friend, would she go? Or for takeaway coffee and cake?

My son is vulnerable but we took the choice of keeping at home as the provisional at school didn't sound like it would support him very well.

When he was struggling with online provision they hadn't got room to take him back.

But I still think we did the right thing as it's not 'school' at school like he'd know it. It's emergency provision and he'd still be doing online learning without the support or comfort of being at home.

I don't think there's any way to win in this situation.

You may get nowhere but I think you need to speak to school. Even if they just let DD in part time it might help. Can't harm to ask.

Pressed send too soon though, and even if they can't let her in now, at least they will know you're struggling and will maybe be better prepared to help when schools do go back

I'm so sorry to hear this. My 8y daughter is very similar. She can be very anxious and really just wants to stay at home all the time. Between lockdowns she school refused and became very very upset, wouldn't get out of bed, get dressed etc. School have been amazing and we had a mix of door stop visits/later starts. In the end I had to be very very firm and get her in on time, but to do that she had to accept that school wasn't so bad, so the initial later starts helped. She also had a lot of input from the support staff at school, and still has good relationships with them. Now she is in part time as I am in an essential role, but I am fairly sure school would try and accommodate her at least one day a week if not- she needs the consistency of school or she starts to slip back into a position of anxiety about going. It is hard work and very worrying as a parent, but I would really encourage you to talk to your school. Hth, feel free to send me a message if further info would help

You could certainly contact the head. However, bear in mind that returning to school may not solve all the issues as it won't be the same as normal. My DC are in school 3 days a week and they hate going. None of their friends are there and they are mostly mixed in with a few children from another year group that they don't know. They do the set home learning supervised by a TA. I do understand that they at least have some opportunity to socialise and see other children but really it's their friends they want to see.

In your situation as a lone parent, is there another one of her friend's families you could make an arrangement with to see if you could arrange walks/trips to the park etc? It would mean mixing with fewer people than if she went to school.

Ask. I’ve tried to push for some of my class to get back in on similar grounds - I have got nowhere as I’ve been told that if we do that, we’re basically opening the doors to loads and loads more children as so many are experiencing this. Which massively sucks.
I would ask but not hold out a lot of hope.

I know people who's schools have suggested they go back when they've raised concerns of them struggling I think it all depends on how many key worker children they have and if they have space!

why are you having "monumental battles" over HW?

Sorry but the phrase pick your battles has never been true er and at 5 there are only basics they need to do which come in so many ways.

I think you should in the first instance drop the rope over school hw....hug her, love bomb her and tell her she doesn't have to to do anything for a week .

soooo sorry op just seen that you have eased off the school work - my apologies....

Thanks so much all. We did tell the school she was struggling with work, didn't get much except sympathy. I have just e mailed them pretty much what I said above. I think contacting the head is a good idea. She was quite ruthless with limiting the kids allowed to come back in so not sure how far we will get.

From what I can tell from the weekly 10 min all class zoom there are about 5 kids in her class at school. 2 of them are her mates. I would be delighted even with one or two days a week. I am trying not to think about what longer term damage this is going to do to all the kids.

We are in a near identical situation with our reception aged child, she has become very depressed, eating changed, sleeping changed, anxious behaviour, refusing all activity school work or otherwise.
I sent school a message to say that we're struggling badly, and the Head was so supportive and we're going back to school part time next week. I'm feeling so hopeful that we will work towards having our happy girl back now.
Good luck, I know some schools are more restrictive than others, but ultimately they do have a duty of care to protect the children's mental health as well.

i don't think it will impact them most of them who have stable ish supportive families - children are resilient and normally just accept and go with the flow - many bounced back after the last lock down .

Op shes young but have you thought about computer games? Get her into minecraft - building and creating worlds? Supports many maths skills - learning about the world...

or animal jam - run by the national geographic? They can choose to be animals,....visit different lands..

@Mudmudingloriousmud

soooo sorry op just seen that you have eased off the school work - my apologies....

No worries. We are being very pragmatic on the work front. I know computers are important, but I am not teaching my five year old algorithms right now (or French, or music, or geography). Reading, writing maths and other stuff she enjoys. That's it.

Definitely going to try and find her a park buddy. Will contact the head as well.

Really interesting to hear how other schools have responded to struggling children. Not been v impressed with our school. They threw bucket loads of work at us, with no effort made to orient us or set expectations, and half the links didn't work. The first two weeks were so stressful.
We have 1 all class zoom once a week at a really awkward time, and one small session once every two weeks and that's it.

The e mail today is the third contact we have made to let them know Dd is struggling, nothing but sympathy has been forthcoming. I don't want to join in the teacher pile on, I get that life is not a bed of roses their end, but I do think they could be doing more.

I will admit that in the last week or two I have started organising park playdates for my 5 and 8 yr old. It’s made a big difference to them.

There are a huge number of children struggling with home schooling and it wouldn’t really be fair for the school to allow in just the ones whose parents plead the most IMO. Even if they have space which many don’t. Every child in school increases the chance of the school bubble bursting and KWs losing their childcare.

I would focus on what you can do other than going back to school, meeting friends one at a time, Facetime with friends, playground trips. Will she do maths/phonics games on a tablet? With any luck they will be back on the 8th March anyway 🙏

I meant computer games op - the interaction with peers on games is what has kept my dd occupied, your dd is probably too young to chat to pals on minecraft but thats what mine does every day so she is not missing out socially and looks forward to every day .

But yours may take to animal jam which is run by the national geographic or mine crarf or both.

Yes, my son is struggling much more than my daughter and I am really concerned about him mentally. I spoke to the deputy headteacher last week and he straight away suggested he returned.
He will be going back on Monday to see if that improves things. I think the criteria of a 'vulnerable' Child is much wider than it was.

My child was struggling to engage with online learning to the point where there were tears and tantrums. One day I emailed the deputy head to explain why she wasn't online but said that I would teynand get the work done and submitted anyway. The deputy head offered me (with no prompting from me) a place in the school and I was able to pick whether I wanted full time, half days or just a couple of sessions. In the end I didn't take them up on the offer but I am very grateful it was made. Try the school yoh never know what they might offer.

Good luck

I have but only one day a week and only because one of us is a keyworker, and even then the head was not happy about it.
My daughter is 6 and has been struggling a lot. We've noticed a huge negative change in her. She went for the first time yesterday and I can already see that's its helped. Her best friends aren't there but there are 3 girls out of her class so at least she can socialise one day a week.