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Original poster

How to discuss rationally with anti vaxxers

105 replies

HermioneKipper · 04/02/2021 13:59

I’m having serious trouble staying calm when taking to my mother who during this latest lockdown seems to have become caught up with various conspiracies and anti vaxxer sentiment. She’s decided she won’t be getting the vaccine, that the mainstream media isn’t reporting all the side effects and evidence/videos are removed from websites/YouTube etc before people can read them.

I’m genuinely concerned for her health and am very pro vaccine myself.

We seem to end up in an argument every time we talk and when I ask her to back up her claims or cite trusted sources she is obviously unable to do this. I need help staying calm and to try and discuss it all more rationally, with the hope that she’ll take the vaccine and protect hers and others health.

Her general views:

  • Believes covid is “just” the flu
  • Thinks she won’t be affected by covid if she gets it despite being in her late 60s and overweight
  • Thinks there will be significant health ramifications if she takes the vaccine
  • The government/media are complicit in a huge coverup
OP posts:
Isadora2007 · 04/02/2021 14:01

You don’t really need to. Her body her choice.

RosesAndLemonade · 04/02/2021 14:02

Their body their choice. You have no say, and no right to have a say.

DianaT1969 · 04/02/2021 14:03

Let her rock on OP.

WineInTheWillows · 04/02/2021 14:09

Just let her be.

MildlyIrritatedOfChorley · 04/02/2021 14:11

You cannot argue someone out of an emotional belief. Avoid the subject.

Pinkmarsh · 04/02/2021 14:11

Don’t discuss it with her and respect her right to make decisions for herself whether you agree with them or not.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 04/02/2021 14:18

The BBC's disinformation reporters give some good advice on how to do this (Marianna Spring for one).

If she does become ill with Covid, could you talk to her about taking part in one of the clinical trials for people of her age?

giletrouge · 04/02/2021 14:25

You can't discuss rationally with irrationality. It's like trying to butter toast with moonbeams. I know, it's the most frustrating thing, but what makes you think you are the person who can change her mind for her? Give yourself a break - state quietly and unequivocally that you do not agree with her and if you think there should be any consequences for your relationship - if you don't get the vax I won't see you, or not until I've had it myself - don't make them a punishment just make them your boundaries.
I really, really sympathise. We, too, have an anti-vaxxer in the family (abroad luckily so we don't have to see them!).

Daisysflowers · 04/02/2021 14:33

@Pinkmarsh

Don’t discuss it with her and respect her right to make decisions for herself whether you agree with them or not.
This.
SandSeaBeach · 04/02/2021 14:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 04/02/2021 14:43

Thanks for the replies

I wish I could avoid discussing it with her but she brings it up relentlessly. Desperate for someone to listen to her theories I suppose. I’ve told her I respect her views (I don’t but that’s neither here nor there) but my opinions differ so we need to agree to disagree. Yet she continues to shoehorn it into conversations and we fall out ☹️

OP posts:
FlyingFaster · 04/02/2021 14:44

You can't and you'll just end up frustrated.
Agree to disagree. You won't change her mind, she won't change yours.

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 04/02/2021 14:44

I’m also worried she’ll catch it and get seriously ill or die

OP posts:
Moneyfornothingkerbsforfree · 04/02/2021 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FlyingFaster · 04/02/2021 14:45

@HermioneKipper

Thanks for the replies

I wish I could avoid discussing it with her but she brings it up relentlessly. Desperate for someone to listen to her theories I suppose. I’ve told her I respect her views (I don’t but that’s neither here nor there) but my opinions differ so we need to agree to disagree. Yet she continues to shoehorn it into conversations and we fall out ☹️

I have someone at work like this (not on vaccines but another subject). I just reply "MmmHmmm" or "I heard some people believe that" or "Oh really?" or similar, which cuts the convo dead!
FlyingFaster · 04/02/2021 14:46

@HermioneKipper

I’m also worried she’ll catch it and get seriously ill or die
I worry about similar with a family member. All you can do is acknowledge you can not control that. And, statistically, even in a high risk group, the odds are she won't die from covid.
Original poster
HermioneKipper · 04/02/2021 14:48

@Moneyfornothingkerbsforfree

Do you always feel the need to bully people into living the way you do and having the same views?
No not at all and I’ve come to terms with the fact that we really differ on this and am prepared to put it to bed.

But she keeps bringing it up. Her partner is in his 70s and vulnerable and will be getting the vaccine. She’s still adamant she won’t. She also works in a frontline service and has been offered it through work. She’s declined. And has said she’ll lie to people and say she’s had it if they try to pressure her

OP posts:
Moneyfornothingkerbsforfree · 04/02/2021 14:48

’Im also worried she’ll catch it and get seriously ill or die”

How much would you be hounding her to change her opinion if she were to smoke or be overweight?

She’s probably worried about your views and plans on how to go fourth atm too. But you’re more important right?

AuntyClementine · 04/02/2021 14:48

I wouldn’t engage with her at all on it. Get the vaccine yourself and don’t mention it again. It’s up to her - she’s squarely in the danger zone (or getting there) and it’s her choice whether she puts herself at risk.

Devlesko · 04/02/2021 14:49

Did you not have your immunisations as a child?
It can't come as a surprise to you, it must have been obvious throughout your life. Anti vaxxers don't keep quiet about it, she must have been quite vocal during your life.

FinalSongbird · 04/02/2021 14:49

Ask her to explain in detail, keep drilling down to the root of her answer, it will fall apart without you having to do much more than ask "why?".

Figgygal · 04/02/2021 14:51

You can’t
Just hope she doesn’t catch it and get it badly
She might learn a very hard lesson

Original poster
HermioneKipper · 04/02/2021 14:52

@Devlesko

Did you not have your immunisations as a child? It can't come as a surprise to you, it must have been obvious throughout your life. Anti vaxxers don't keep quiet about it, she must have been quite vocal during your life.
I have had all my vaccinations as a child. She wasn’t like this when I was younger.

As I said in my post, it seems that the latest lockdown has sparked something in her and her previously “slightly distrustful of the government” views have mutated into something much more serious.

OP posts:
Crosstrainer · 04/02/2021 14:53

You can’t have a rational discussion- it’s like a religion for them. All you can do is point out things they may not be able to do if they haven’t had it and see if that acts as enough incentive. (The only anti-vaxxer I know is obsessed with travelling. She can’t get on a plane without one? She’s had the jab....)

Whyarewehardofthinking · 04/02/2021 14:54

It is impossible to argue with irrational people, trust me. I've been a science teacher for too long and have seen more parents than you would hope complain the to school about indoctrination around teaching about vaccination. It blows my mind.

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