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Original poster

Are people genuinely not seeing their partner?

47 replies

Flower234 · 02/02/2021 12:46

If you live away from your partner but don't qualify for support bubble, are you genuinely not seeing them indoors? How long will you follow this for?

Haven't seen my partner indoors since October and it's killing me. I live in a house-share with a couple who ignore me, I spend my days alone. I don't even work. I go all day without seeing or speaking to them. Currently cannot move in with my partner. I did try to explain why but the post disappeared! Basically due to children.

I feel forgotten about- Surely there are other adults who live in houseshares with strangers and feel equally lonely? Sad

I don't socially distance from my partner inside which is admittedly against guidleines but in terms of the letter of the law, we follow that. The couple I live with told me to invite my partner over, so they don't care but obviously I do.

In Scotland couples can see each other if they live apart, and it just feels so unfair at this point. I'm wallowing in it today admittedly.

I'm also Bipolar and have just adjusted medications and can feel myself getting a bit unstable which doesn't help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Flower234 · 02/02/2021 12:47

The only 'rulebreak' was me sitting in his car when it poured with rain last week, admittedly.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 02/02/2021 12:48

See your partner!

Changedforthisyear · 02/02/2021 12:51

Just see him. You’re not seeing anyone else, are you. Just him. So the risk it that he could infect you, you’re not then having contact with anyone else (your house share people are ok, presumably as you’re not in close contact with them), so who are you protecting by not seeing him?

Original poster
Flower234 · 02/02/2021 12:52

I meant outside, in the OP btw! I don't see him inside. It was meant to say we don't socially distance outside.

Overtherainbow- Everyone keeps telling me
this, but I still feel bad. In reality most of my friends see multiple people indoors. I was thinking if I stopped seeing people on walks and just saw my partner it gets my contacts down further- I'd feel better with that compromise!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 02/02/2021 12:53

See him inside, it’s pretty mad that you aren’t if I’m being honest!!

WalrusWife · 02/02/2021 12:54

How long would you not see him for? 1 year? 2 years? 5 years?

Sillyduckseverywhere · 02/02/2021 12:54

I've been seeing him for months.

HugeAckmansWife · 02/02/2021 12:56

We both have elderly parents so we have to take that into account. He is very low risk as lives alone and WFH so basically sees no-one, whereas my two kids are at school everyday. We time it so he spends some time with me (like one evening / night) and then leaves it ten days before he sees his parents. On the rare occasion I am kid free but he is needing to see his parents soon, we go for a SD walk - he's much more scrupulous about it all than I would be to be honest - I comply this time because the more contagious variants worry me (for my parents) more than it did before, not because of the "rules". In your position, if your flatmates are ok with it, I would absolutely see them - as you said, this is a year in, not a few weeks.

Original poster
Flower234 · 02/02/2021 12:57

I started off not seeing him as the couple I live with had just moved in and I didn't feel comfortable bringing it up- However, now they've said they don't mind there is nothing holding me back. We were also in a very high infection rate area which gave me the resolve to properly follow lockdown at first but now cases have declined heavily and are below the national average- That together makes me more inclined to see my partner.

In my head, my 'end point' of not seeing my partner was Valentines Day. Cheesy I know!

OP posts:
Sillyduckseverywhere · 02/02/2021 12:58

People will be along to tell you how evil and selfish you are, but with no end in sight, and your living circumstances I'd just see him.
Especially as you're feeling fragile

EatingAllTheCookies · 02/02/2021 12:58

See him!

Ineedsleepzz · 02/02/2021 13:05

I would 100% see him!
This could go on for months and months.

Definitely see him.
I would have seen him from the start.

Go for it.

InterfectoremVulpes · 02/02/2021 14:04

Another one saying see him!

Pathetic32 · 02/02/2021 14:04

I think it's crackers not to tbh, unless there is extreme vulnerability in either of your households.

InterfectoremVulpes · 02/02/2021 14:05

@Sillyduckseverywhere

I've been seeing him for months.
I assume you aren't talking about the OPs partner here ShockGrin
Palavah · 02/02/2021 14:06

If you're in England then does he live with other adults or has he already bubbled with another household?

covetingthepreciousthings · 02/02/2021 14:10

Who does your partner live with? Is there any vulnerabilities?

I think I'd see them tbh at this stage, especially since the couple you house share with have suggested it too, so they don't mind.

One of my closest friends won't visit or have his partner to stay, as they'd be breaking the bubble rules and I find it so sad, think they've only seen each other once in the last 5-6 months and that was outside..

Lissy23 · 02/02/2021 14:14

I’m in a similar boat, but we don’t live near each other, we’re 180 miles apart by car. He won’t travel to meet me yet as he’s worried about being stopped and fined and I don’t have a car at present, so my only option is public transport and I think I would be questioned due to it not being an ‘essential’ journey, although it’s essential to me.
Meant to be seeing each other end of next month as he’s booked an air b&b nearby for 4 nights. But no idea if that’ll happen yet, especially if lockdown is extended.

Lissy23 · 02/02/2021 14:16

Oh and we both live with other adults and he has a key worker job, public facing (not had vaccine yet though) so that adds an extra layer. He’s worried if he got caught on the motorway and fined that he may lose his job.

OliveTree75 · 02/02/2021 14:19

assume you aren't talking about the OPs partner here

Laughed out loud at that Grin

OP I would see him. Me and my DP were talking about this last night, and what we would have done if this happened before we lived together.

Freyaismyname · 02/02/2021 14:26

I see my partner 2-3 times a week. We have an agreement where we don't mix with others apart from each other at the moment. It's shit but it works for now. Also FaceTime?
Don't sit alone, if you know he's not been around many people and you trust that he's completely healthy, go for it. Just be careful Wink

oldegg123 · 02/02/2021 14:29

I completely agree that people living in a houseshare with strangers/people they actively dislike have absolutely drawn the short straw.

March-June last year I had a flatmate who moved in with her boyfriend, but insisted on coming back to sleep and have space from him. So effectively I was in a bubble with two people, one who I'd never met and the other I never spoke to. Nightmare!

Won't tell you to break the rules but just carefully think about your "social budget". Ie, if you're going to slightly increase the risk of spreading infection by seeing him, are there any other social interactions you could cut back on to help balance it out?

HarrietteNightingale · 02/02/2021 14:33

I did a month of the first lockdown without seeing him, then I went to his once a week, then support bubbles were brought in which we both meet the criteria for. I see him at my house or his overnight at least twice a week at the moment, and his two young children when they are staying at the weekends, and we are now planning to move in together in the next few months.

It's really brought us closer. I lost my dad to a massive stroke out of the blue in late October and I couldn't have coped without my DP's support.

If I were you, I would see him.

HesterShaw1 · 02/02/2021 14:34

Ah flower (see what I did there), just see your partner, please.

I live alone and during the first lockdown lasted about three weeks. I was able to see him only very occasionally after that. If I hadn't done so, truly I don't think I would be here now. This lockdown is only bearable for me because of my support bubble - him and his kids.

Be cautious, be sensible, yes. But don't sacrifice yourself. There will be no rewards for that, and life is here to be lived.

MrsSimonBasset · 02/02/2021 14:41

Just see him OP and stop being a martyr.