Page 3 | Teenagers Staying with other parent

ScattyS · 2021-01-28T18:49:17+00:00

Hi My teenage son is 18 & currently living with his dad. I haven't seen him since end of October last year coz of covid. He has fallen out with his dad and so desperately wants to come and stay with me for the weeend or a bit longer but my partner has said no he can't. I just don't know what to do. My heart wants him here but my head is saying he can't coz of the lockdown rules. I don't know what to do. What would you do?

Newfor2021 · 29/01/2021 09:20

Your poor son!!!
At 17 my son is struggling with the old pandemic- but let alone of his dad was kicking him out, step dad didn’t want him so badly he’d call the police and it seems a mum who won’t do anything!!!

Fuck that! Tell both men to go shove themselves quite frankly and I’d make damn sure I provided a safe loving place for my son and never spoke to either useless man again!

SleepingStandingUp · 29/01/2021 10:11

So what's the plan for today @ScattyS?

MissSmiley · 29/01/2021 12:35

If he was under 18 of 22 June 2020 he still counts as a child with regards to Covid

I'd have him back in an instant

AnneElliott · 29/01/2021 14:23

Your partner is a twat! Calling the poliCe FFS - like they don't have enough to do.

People are still moving house during the lockdown - how is this different?

Original poster

ScattyS · 02/02/2021 11:41

My ex dropped my son off. We spent a couple of hours together then i took him back home. My partner made it clear that he couldn't stay. He's worried about getting covid. He had cancer about 4 years ago so his immune system is low. I understand that but I'm still going to work. I work in a Dr's surgery! We have to self test twice a week so I said I could test my son also. So if he's negative then surely he could stay. But he wouldn't budge. Saying I'm selfish.

OP posts:

Babyboomtastic · 02/02/2021 12:29

You have a massive partner problem here. He shouldn't be controlling you like this.

Your son is allowed to stay as a cooling off after an argument, that's been allowed for a very long time, and whilst it's intended more for couples, there isn't anything in it as far as I'm aware that says it couldn't apply to adult children.

Porcupineintherough · 02/02/2021 13:16

The partner isn't controlling the OP, he's controlling who lives in his house. He does actually have a right to do that, even if other people would make other decisions.

OP I can understand that your partner doesnt want your ds rocking up for the weekend but if is saying "no" to him moving in properly then maybe you need a rethink.

RealityNotEssentialism · 02/02/2021 13:46

Sorry but he sounds like an arse. Your job makes it much more likely that you will contract the virus than your son will. If your son tests negative, I can’t see what the issue is. I’d be making longer term plans to leave this relationship.

FilledSoda · 02/02/2021 13:59

Your poor son .
I was living independently by 18 so I do consider 18 to be very much an adult . I had paid employment though so I could pay rent etc
I don't know what your son is supposed to do .
What the heck is your ex doing trying to monitor another adult's screen time ?
Is there more to it ?
By the sound of things he's going to end up on the street.
You seem like a lodger in your own home btw . Next step for you is getting a home of your own .

booboo24 · 02/02/2021 14:04

Oh for heaven's sake, I understand your partner's concerns BUT he's essentially making you choose between him and your son. Technically he's right, at 18 he isn't allowed to move between parent's houses, but in practice, who on earth would turn their son away? I wouldn't, not for a second. You are also allowed to leave your home for cooling off reasons amd ti move house, so couldn't he isolate in a bedroom first?

I have 2 kids, one under 18, and one 19 year old, the 19 year old still goes EOW with with her sister to their dad's as in my mind its cruel to keep one away from their dad whilst the other gets normal contact. Slightly different to your situation but thought I'd put that in

Chailatteplease · 02/02/2021 14:09

@Waxonwaxoff0

If any partner of mine told me my child couldn't come and stay at my house I'd be telling them to fuck right off. And I couldn't care less about Covid rules if my child was unhappy.

This.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 02/02/2021 16:03

When did your son move to his fathers and where did he live before that? Does he actually want to live with you rather than just visit? If so, he could have a test and if its negative move. If your partner wont allow this, then the issue isnt covid its your partner and his relationship with your son. Personally Im in the camp of no partner will ever tell me I cant see my child.

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/02/2021 16:07

@Porcupineintherough

The partner isn't controlling the OP, he's controlling who lives in his house. He does actually have a right to do that, even if other people would make other decisions.

OP I can understand that your partner doesnt want your ds rocking up for the weekend but if is saying "no" to him moving in properly then maybe you need a rethink.

Technically it is on paper but if they live together then surely they should discuss it. It is her home. Not if you 'don't do what I say I'll call the police' . Completely ott and showing his power he has over her.

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/02/2021 16:09

@ScattyS

My ex dropped my son off. We spent a couple of hours together then i took him back home. My partner made it clear that he couldn't stay. He's worried about getting covid. He had cancer about 4 years ago so his immune system is low. I understand that but I'm still going to work. I work in a Dr's surgery! We have to self test twice a week so I said I could test my son also. So if he's negative then surely he could stay. But he wouldn't budge. Saying I'm selfish.

OP what is this teaching your son? Both parents have now rejected him Covid isn't the issue here really is it? There must be more to it

Porcupineintherough · 02/02/2021 17:14

@Silenceisgolden20 they did discuss it but didn't agree, so then what? I agree about the police.

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/02/2021 17:19

So then what? That's up to the OP but i wouldn't want to be put in the place of choosing my partner or my son. That's a shit thing to do.
I'd rather be single.
There must be more back story , like there always is.
It .makes no difference to me if you agree or not about the police.

Silenceisgolden20 · 02/02/2021 17:22

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

When did your son move to his fathers and where did he live before that? Does he actually want to live with you rather than just visit? If so, he could have a test and if its negative move. If your partner wont allow this, then the issue isnt covid its your partner and his relationship with your son. Personally Im in the camp of no partner will ever tell me I cant see my child.

Exactly. No partner should ever tell you what to do. That's not a partnership. The OP seems quite passive in all of this which makes me think he has the power. It doesn't seem an equal dynamic

Skyr2 · 02/02/2021 17:33

That’s not right.
He’s only 18 so must have only just started university, he is still your child. You could not have made him more unwelcome.
If he was coming to live with you could he not have isolated if your partner is that worried. As you say you work outside of the home so that is a poor excuse, I feel so sorry for your son what a callous thing to do.

Skyr2 · 02/02/2021 17:38

A close friend who is ECV had the SS back from uni at Christmas, the SS isolated at his home before coming home so as to minimise risk but there was absolutely no question that he wouldn’t come back and he’s 3 years older.
That’s an option?.

Quartz2208 · 02/02/2021 17:54

Your poor poor son being failed by both his parents