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Original poster

Teenagers Staying with other parent

70 replies

ScattyS · 28/01/2021 18:49

Hi
My teenage son is 18 & currently living with his dad. I haven't seen him since end of October last year coz of covid. He has fallen out with his dad and so desperately wants to come and stay with me for the weeend or a bit longer but my partner has said no he can't. I just don't know what to do. My heart wants him here but my head is saying he can't coz of the lockdown rules. I don't know what to do. What would you do?

OP posts:
glasgow357 · 29/01/2021 02:22

@Tigerswife

Yes he is allowed to visit the other parent.
At what age does this stop at? Would we not all be visiting parents if this is the rule? Sorry, I know this isn't the point of the thread but I thought only under 16s could move about?
glasgow357 · 29/01/2021 02:23

But by the way partner is a dick either way 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
ScattyS · 29/01/2021 06:38

My partner is worried about getting covid. My uncle has just died from covid coz his famuly visited at Xmas. So j understand why he's worried.
My son has fallen out with his dad over lots of things. Mainly rules. Ie he is only allowed on his computer and xbox at certain times. I think my ex wants him out the house for a break.

OP posts:
MarcelineMissouri · 29/01/2021 07:01

The guidelines for children from seperated families are for under 18’s, who may continue to move between houses.

I’d still have him back though.

SeahorseoramI · 29/01/2021 07:06

The son wouldnt be visiting his other parent. He would be moving in. Moving is allowed.

Op, whats your partner like with your son generally? Whats your financial situation now?

Leanandmean31 · 29/01/2021 07:16

Your partner sounds pathetic if he called the police. Who actually does that? He’s not going to get Covid from your son moving house unless your son is currently positive. Presumably your partner goes to the shops and stuff, where he’s way more likely to be infected than from your son moving house. I know it’s not easy for you financially but I’d get away from this wanker. Presumably he’d been with you for 6 years when he bought the house but rather than buying it together, he buys it himself. Arsehole. And unless you’re married, you’ll be fucked if you split so i would try to make plans to become financially independent ASAP if I were you.

Leanandmean31 · 29/01/2021 07:18

@ScattyS

My partner is worried about getting covid. My uncle has just died from covid coz his famuly visited at Xmas. So j understand why he's worried. My son has fallen out with his dad over lots of things. Mainly rules. Ie he is only allowed on his computer and xbox at certain times. I think my ex wants him out the house for a break.
Your ex also sounds like a wanker. Your son is 18 so he can fuck off with his rationing of screen time, unless it’s a shared computer or tv.
chantico · 29/01/2021 07:24

DC can move between households and facilitating a child's contact with other parent is a permitted reason to be out of the house.

However, does he count as a 'child' for these ppurposes, as he is a young adult at university, and university students are not permitted to go home during term time. That he can see one parent (and in this case move in with) is fluke. Students at university are not seeing either parent in term time.

So much as it irks me to say so, your new partner is right. Students may not return home during termtime.

Why is ex bringing DS regardless? People fall out with their adult DC without booting them out. Would DS be better off living elsewhere? Can the university help? There must be oodles of unused accommodation this year.

OneTwoStep · 29/01/2021 07:26

I would care about the rules, if my son wanted to come home I'd let him and I wouldn't let my partner tell me other wise.

OneTwoStep · 29/01/2021 07:28

#wouldn't care about the rules

sallievp · 29/01/2021 07:29

Put your son first! Your partner doesn't sound very kind.

Sarcobaleno · 29/01/2021 07:37

Please don't make your son feel unwanted by both of his parents. Let him come to yours with open arms.

Sarcobaleno · 29/01/2021 07:38

Could your son isolate in a room at yours to keep your partner appeased? I think your partner sounds unreasonable.

StillDumDeDumming · 29/01/2021 07:52

@Sarcobaleno

Could your son isolate in a room at yours to keep your partner appeased? I think your partner sounds unreasonable.
This is what we did in similar circumstances. He's allowed to move house. Your dp needs to think of the long term implications for your relationship if he pulls this one.
BilboBercow · 29/01/2021 07:56

Your ex shouldn't be dictating those kinds of rules to an adult. Similarly you should be putting your son before your dp.

MoiraNotRuby · 29/01/2021 08:01

Over 18s are allowed to move to escape domestic problems, that sounds applicable as it sounds like the father/son relationship has broken down.

Isolate him in one room for now and if you have a no-symptoms test centre you could each get a test done there.

3rdNamechange · 29/01/2021 08:06

@Sarcobaleno

Please don't make your son feel unwanted by both of his parents. Let him come to yours with open arms.
It's not her house.
DfEisashambles · 29/01/2021 08:10

How disgusting of your partner. Find somewhere you and your son can live in peace after this, he’s shown his true colours. Let your son know he’s your first priority.

Sarcobaleno · 29/01/2021 08:12

@3rdNamechange technically no, but I can't imagine being in a relationship where I felt it wasn't my home and I couldn't have my child over especially at a time when there's nowhere else to go. What a horrible way to live if you can't have your own child over because your name isn't on the deeds.

RedskyBynight · 29/01/2021 08:13

He's not allowed to move between houses as he's now 18. So he can't come "for the weekend".

He can choose to move permanently to your house i.e. move once and stay there.

3rdNamechange · 29/01/2021 08:23

[quote Sarcobaleno]@3rdNamechange technically no, but I can't imagine being in a relationship where I felt it wasn't my home and I couldn't have my child over especially at a time when there's nowhere else to go. What a horrible way to live if you can't have your own child over because your name isn't on the deeds. [/quote]
Agreed , she's trapped. That's why women especially are told on here time and again to try and stay financially independent.

3rdNamechange · 29/01/2021 08:24

OP , I know it won't happen instantly but could you help your son rent somewhere? Then I'd probably re evaluate your relationship?

movingonup20 · 29/01/2021 08:52

Strictly speaking over 18's can't move between divorced parents but I admit we have broken this rule - it's simply not fair to tell our 19 year olds they have to pick one parent. That said we have told them they can't pass back and forth, if they come to us they stay to the end of lockdown, 2 chose university anyway and one is with us (blended family so yes 3 at university).

If he wants to stay with you it needs to be until the end of lockdown basically.

chantico · 29/01/2021 08:59

And of course if he wants to move in indefinitely, then it's only fair that the DP gets a say in it.

How were things for the 3 years you were cohabiting and DS was still at school? I was wondering why he's so against the idea of DS moving back in (which realistically would be for the rest of this term)

If DS is better to stay near his university during termtime, then he needs to get in touch with the welfare structures today - they will be able to help with temp accommodation

Then you need to sort out what is up with the two non-teenage men, and if and how you make changes.

RandomMess · 29/01/2021 09:10

Surely DS has to self isolate in a room at the op house?