Stepdaughter moving in and wanting to break lockdown rules

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Dp and I have just bought a new house so dsd 19 and dss 23 can live with us (I also have a ds 11).

Dsd and dss will move in with us in the next couple of weeks. Dsd has a birthday soon after they move in with us and has just announced she will be spending her bday with her best friend staying over in a caravan. This is obviously against lockdown rules. She then says she's been seeing her throughout lockdown anyway as a support bubble. She's not entitled to a support bubble as she lives with dss. She claims she is as dss works long hours so is very often not around.

We've told her she won't be breaking rules living with us so can't see her best friend on her birthday unless they go for a walk together.

She's so angry about this. We are right in making her stick to rules aren't we?

We've stuck to them all since March. We don't have anyone in our house that is CEV but my ds' stepmum is pregnant so wouldn't want to pass anything to her via ds.

Yes you’re right to say that. They have a choice, live with you and stick to the rules or they can choose to not live with you.

Well I guess its her choice as to whether she wants to live in your house under those terms or not. She's an adult and can live elsewhere i presume. I can see why she wouldn't want to be locked in with you, but then she doesn't have to be.

She can't afford to live on her own anywhere. She works one day a week on minimum wage and is on a gap year so planning on going to uni in September.

Does her friend live alone if she does Dsd could be her bubble

Personally I think you’re unreasonable but it’s your house.

@EatingAllTheCookies

Does her friend live alone if she does Dsd could be her bubble

Her friend lives with her own family so is not a single adult.

@MiddleParking

Personally I think you’re unreasonable but it’s your house.

What is unreasonable about asking her to stick to rules? Genuine question.

Still her choice, she could work more and not live with you if she preferred. I think you’re being sensible, especially as your ds step mum is pregnant. It would be awful to pass it to her because your dsd wouldn’t stick to the rules.

I think if she’s been treating her friend as a support bubble because she lives with her brother who works long hours I’d be fine with that.

I think young people have taken a hell of a hit. It’s not like she’s planning a rave. If she sticks to the rules in every other way I think that you could cut her some slack.

Wtf - you can’t just MAKE UP random support bubble rules!

YANBU - stick to your guns. We’ve been strict with our teens because if you break one rule once you’ll do it again...

Is she moving away to uni?

@Covidasaurus

Wtf - you can’t just MAKE UP random support bubble rules!

YANBU - stick to your guns. We’ve been strict with our teens because if you break one rule once you’ll do it again...

Is she moving away to uni?

No she's going to the local uni so will be living with us.

The other issue is whether her best friend is making other 'support bubbles'. If she is seeing others then the chain is endless.

She needs to live by the Covid rules or secure her own housing.

It's because people like her think the rules don't apply to them that we are in lockdown again.

You are right, don't back down, she can find somewhere else if she doesn't like the rules, she's an adult.

@MiddleParking

I think if she’s been treating her friend as a support bubble because she lives with her brother who works long hours I’d be fine with that.

Potentially yes, but she’ll be living with OP as well now so no longer applies.

Wtf - you can’t just MAKE UP random support bubble rules!

You can on mumsnet! Im in a mumsnet group on fb where many people living with partners are creating support bubbles and childcare with their mum friends also with partners... the childcare element is actually Just a play date.

I agree with you OP, she needs to adhere to lockdown regardless of where she lives. You won't have any say if she lives elsewhere but whilst she lives with you then it's entirely reasonable for you to insist she does. Lockdown is hard for everyone in different ways.

What does her dad say?

Her attitude sucks. Is it going to be indicative of her general approach to living with you?

I’d let her

It’s 1 friend

Not a rave with 200

I agree with you, OP. And it actually really irks me that people are bending the rules so much. Stick to your guns.

Works one day a week?
Is she expecting to be funded all through uni?
Why is DSS23 moving in too?
She’s a CF, if she wants to live with you I’d suggest she gets her finger out; gap year doesn’t equal sitting about doing fuck all, your rules or stay where she is.

@HerMammy

Works one day a week? Is she expecting to be funded all through uni? Why is DSS23 moving in too? She’s a CF, if she wants to live with you I’d suggest she gets her finger out; gap year doesn’t equal sitting about doing fuck all, your rules or stay where she is.

We've tried to encourage her to get a proper job. She always has an excuse. I even set her up with an interview at my place of work and she called them the day before to say it wasn't for her. I must have sent her nearly a hundred jobs, and there's an excuse on every single one.

Dss lives with us as he is saving to buy a house. He doesn't want to house share with a friend and doesn't want to rent so is living with us while he saves. He will be paying us board but obviously not as much as if he had his own place.

Also her mum encourages her to do nothing for this gap year, she says she needs to take time out to relax before starting uni. That's a whole separate thread

@AnneLovesGilbert

What does her dad say?

Her attitude sucks. Is it going to be indicative of her general approach to living with you?

Her dad agrees with me but doesn't want to push her away so feels conflicted.

She’s pushing herself away. Talk about biting the hand that is offering to house you. She either grows up a bit and stops thinking she’s a special case or she finds somewhere else to live.

Put up with this sort of bs now and the next 3 years will be bloody awful.