Stepdaughter moving in and wanting to break lockdown rules

[starbrightstarlight8888]

Dp and I have just bought a new house so dsd 19 and dss 23 can live with us (I also have a ds 11).

Dsd and dss will move in with us in the next couple of weeks. Dsd has a birthday soon after they move in with us and has just announced she will be spending her bday with her best friend staying over in a caravan. This is obviously against lockdown rules. She then says she's been seeing her throughout lockdown anyway as a support bubble. She's not entitled to a support bubble as she lives with dss. She claims she is as dss works long hours so is very often not around.

We've told her she won't be breaking rules living with us so can't see her best friend on her birthday unless they go for a walk together.

She's so angry about this. We are right in making her stick to rules aren't we?

We've stuck to them all since March. We don't have anyone in our house that is CEV but my ds' stepmum is pregnant so wouldn't want to pass anything to her via ds.

She is an adult, tell her straight that your house rules are followed or she can move out. She is CF for taking a gap year then sitting on her backside expecting other people to house and feed her. Time she grew up.

a year off to relax
Note it’s not being done at her mothers house!!
She’s a lazy user, living with you the she has to get work and contribute or save for uni.
Glad your DSS seems sensible.

@MiddleParking

And it’s attitudes like yours, basically saying that the stepchild should be able to break lockdown rules that means this shitfest will continue for longer. You CANNOT have support bubbles just because the person you live with works long hours,

@starbrightstarlight8888, your house, your rules and you are correct she is breaking rules, so she has a choice, stay where she is and fend for herself, or live under your rules

@HerMammy

a year off to relax Note it’s not being done at her mothers house!! She’s a lazy user, living with you the she has to get work and contribute or save for uni. Glad your DSS seems sensible.

Her mum moved abroad with her new husband last year!

I think you're about to walk into a nightmare situation with two young people capable of being independent but who will refuse to be. They've managed living independently so far, why do they need to move in with you now? Yes, it's nice to save money on rent, but it's not essential, especially when the youngest doesn't have a proper job. Once they've moved in they will have limited incentive to work more days, get better jobs as they'll have very limited costs and an easy life with other adults sharing or doing all of the household chores. I'd seriously question again with your DH (a) if this is really the best thing for your stepchildren or if being independent would drive them to have better lives in the medium/long term and (b) exactly what the criteria (e.g. in terms of job hunting) and timeline (in terms of moving out again) are - otherwise there's a real risk you'll wind up with two layabouts in their late twenties living with you and sulking about having friends round or doing chores...

Is she moving in a result of her mum moving abroad? Poor girl if her mum has abandoned her

The job thing - she sounds lazy and entitled.

If she got fined for the overnighter who would she expect to pay the fine? You? The friend?

Sounds like it would be wise to set the ground rules before she moves in. No rule breaking. Contributions - monetary or help round house - set out and agreed to before she moves in. I'd do a written contract for each adult including you and dad which lays out responsibilities, expectations and consequences for breaking contract.

She's an adult - treat her like one and expect her to behave like one. And present a united front with her dad.

Where are they living now?

And it’s attitudes like yours, basically saying that the stepchild should be able to break lockdown rules that means this shitfest will continue for longer.

It really isn’t. That’s simply a total misunderstanding of the situation as it stands. There are arguments for abiding by restrictions, but ‘it will make the restrictions end sooner’ isn’t one of them any more, if it ever was.

@MiddleParking

I think if she’s been treating her friend as a support bubble because she lives with her brother who works long hours I’d be fine with that.

Even if that was ok (abd it is against the restrictions) she is about to move into a household with 4 adults in it so the support bubble must end. The DSD does not want to end it.

I know what the restrictions are, I was saying (in response to OP asking the question) that in my opinion OP is being unreasonable to expect her to abide by them that strictly. I understand that some people disagree with that, and that some people pretend to disagree with it, and that’s fine by me.

They currently live together in a rented house that dp contributes to as they can't afford it on their own.

Yes they are moving in with us as their mother sold up and moved abroad so there was no choice but for them to live with us.

I agree with you on this OP. I would tell her that she abides by the house rules or lives elsewhere. I know that sounds tough but if she wants to make her own decisions then she needs to live elsewhere. Giving out some tough love will be the making of her.