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Original poster

Working parents, how are we doing?

42 replies

GoldenOmber · 24/01/2021 13:17

For those of us trying to fit in working with children at home due to school/childcare closures. Would love to know how others are managing - if indeed people are managing - or just to have some support to rant about how shit it all is.

For me: two parents WFH, full-time jobs, can't be furloughed. Primary-aged DC, school is doing decent enough remote education but they're too young to manage on their own so need one parent to supervise. Toddler can't go to nursery (as we're in Scotland) so needs constant supervision as well. Employers giving a lot of lip service to 'being flexible' but increasingly expect the same amount of work to get done.

(Please, if you aren't in this position but think it would be a total doddle for you/people only complain about it because they have an 'agenda' of wanting schools open unsafely/parents can't be arsed to look after own children/can't you just do your job from 8-9pm every evening/whatever else...this is not the thread for you, please go elsewhere.)

OP posts:
summersolstice43 · 24/01/2021 13:23

Im a single parent and have to work, my manager agreed I could work from home a few days a week as my dd is 14 so can be home alone but I was reluctant to leave her for the full week. I can and have easily done my job from home but manager is now insisting its just short term and is piling more and more work onto me to the point where I had a breakdown during the week. It all got far too much for me, working full time, single parent, worrying about everything. Its so hard.

Whisperinastorm · 24/01/2021 13:29

I’m on my knees. I’m beating myself up mentally as all the school work isn’t completed each week and we are already trying to complete it in evenings/weekends. It’s Hell

Groundhogdayzz · 24/01/2021 13:33

I’m single parent, wfh full time, it’s hard on the children as can’t take as many breaks as them, can’t take them out for walks/exercise as by the time I finish it’s dark and my breaks can’t always coincide with theirs. They don’t complain and are happy to be on screens but I’m really worried about their physical fitness and mental well-being. The school has now started setting homework as well apparently, so apparently the weekends we could be out in the fresh air i now have to get them to do MORE work.

Handsnotwands · 24/01/2021 13:59

I’m a bit broken tbh. Youngest’s primary school isn’t doing any live lessons. She can’t navigate between the unpteen sites and platforms they sent us a list of herself. Older dc’s school is better but he’s dyspraxic and not motivated. Dh works shifts out of the home. I’m in a pretty high pressure (what job isn’t though?) fast moving public sector role so no furlough. It’s hard. They’re not getting much learning done and I fear that they’re at a huge disadvantage because of our particular situation. The guilt is hard to manage

Original poster
GoldenOmber · 24/01/2021 14:09

The guilt is awful. I feel like whatever I do I’m failing somebody, either my colleagues or my children.

OP posts:
HelloMissus · 24/01/2021 14:13

We took up a school place for our foster kids.
We’re both mostly working from home, but we found it very hard last lockdown and got no support at all from their teachers. We were worried about a repeat performance so have sent them in.

cheninblanc · 24/01/2021 14:14

Feels like I'm treading water. Gcse and a level children but it isn't any easier. They are very disciplined and good but it's not easy just because they are older

Iggly · 24/01/2021 14:14

@GoldenOmber

For those of us trying to fit in working with children at home due to school/childcare closures. Would love to know how others are managing - if indeed people are managing - or just to have some support to rant about how shit it all is.

For me: two parents WFH, full-time jobs, can't be furloughed. Primary-aged DC, school is doing decent enough remote education but they're too young to manage on their own so need one parent to supervise. Toddler can't go to nursery (as we're in Scotland) so needs constant supervision as well. Employers giving a lot of lip service to 'being flexible' but increasingly expect the same amount of work to get done.

(Please, if you aren't in this position but think it would be a total doddle for you/people only complain about it because they have an 'agenda' of wanting schools open unsafely/parents can't be arsed to look after own children/can't you just do your job from 8-9pm every evening/whatever else...this is not the thread for you, please go elsewhere.)

It is shit to be honest. Partly because of employers but also DH seems to think he can work 9-5, but he really can’t. It takes getting up early, clearing parts of the day and bits of the evenings. That’s just how it goes.
Spiratedaway · 24/01/2021 14:17

Broken

RainyDay2020 · 24/01/2021 14:18

I feel like I’m expected to work as though I don’t have kids and expected to parent as if I don’t have to work.

I have one primary and one secondary age child with SEN, both home schooling at the mo.

My boss has been supportive but at the end of the day she pays me to do a job and I’ve ended up working late at night an on weekends to catch up.

I feel exhausted but can’t sleep through worrying about work, kids and money (lack of).

A work colleague who has one child, lives with her partner and parents rent free and works part time said last week “we’re all in the same boat” errr no love we’re not!!

movingonup20 · 24/01/2021 14:18

@cheninblanc

I agree, I have a so called adult here but really struggling with online learning from university so I'm having to guide her. The older ones might not need supervision on the computer but their mental health is suffering a lot and motivation is at rock bottom plus they understand what's going on (plus hate the government in our case). I'm "resting" as actors used to say and never imagined I would be coaching university studies (she's autistic)

LickEmbysmiling · 24/01/2021 14:21

Struggling, last week was particularly difficult because the school didn't post any work for the following week, if I can get dd to do some sessions at the weekend, that massively breaks down the load next week.

I only do the maths and English work.. Dd doesn't have the stamina to work solidly anyway so when I have a break my break is spent cajoling dd into working.

I have to sit with her, explain the video... Go through it... There's no way she can do it on her own and some of the stuff they do is ridiculous like the famous front adverbial...

However... As stressful as it is, it's far less stressful than sending both dd into school everyday with masses of mixing and virus flying around.
We are safe, touch woods or rather, our exposure to risk is massively reduced.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 24/01/2021 14:23

We're luckier than most because we have 1 DD who although does limited work independently can play while we work.

Both WFH & I work 24 hours over 4 days so a lot of school work is done after I finish at 2pm. I was furloughed last year but no chance this time unfortunately.

I have randomly cried about 3 times today at the thought of doing this until Easter 😭

lunalucie · 24/01/2021 14:26

Dd is in her GCSE year and I'm working full time plus extra to cover sickness and isolation absence. I had a text message from her school saying I had to respond by 11am the next day because I missed two phone calls whilst in work. The school are more stressful than my workplace at the moment, I swear they think we are all working from home and sat there waiting for their phone call.

I should add this is the first time they've actually bothered since December 16th when they officially closed in my local authority.

Nicknacky · 24/01/2021 14:29

Both of us working out of home. Thankfully my dad is furloughed so he’s taking up the slack just now.

So it’s going ok, it could be worse. Although ask me that again if and when my dad goes back....

Nicknacky · 24/01/2021 14:30

Oh I did get pulled up last week by the school for lack of engagement despite having sent in photos of her work almost every day.....so that was a bit of a kick in the teeth as I thought we were doing ok.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 24/01/2021 14:34

@summersolstice43 I really feel for you, there should be more pressure on employers to let their employees WFH.

Ricepops · 24/01/2021 14:36

Struggling. It's awful and the thought of having to do this until after Easter is so upsetting. I can cope with everything else, but not with schools being shut.

Me and DH working full time. DS is smart but reluctant to work. School prerecord lessons, but it's so boring for DS. DD is at nursery, but been off the last two weeks due to catching CoViD there, so even more fun for us. DC don't really want to go out anymore, probably because it is cold and damp and little to do except the same two muddy playgrounds over and over again.

Work are theoretically being flexible and understanding, but I'm practice I feel completely isolated being only one of two colleagues affected by school closures. Colleagues can't seem to do even simple things like listen when I say I can't do important meetings during the afternoon when I have DS to supervise. And tasks which could be distributed to other colleagues still keep coming my way.

pinkpixie83 · 24/01/2021 14:37

On the verge of breaking... I've cried more times than I care to admit.

Single parent WFH, 3 kids year 8, year 6 and year 4. The year 8 isn't doing too bad, live lessons are helping.

The primary 2 however have done nothing, I just don't have the time or ability to help them, I've told the school as such and that we only have 1 laptop between them, but their help offered was one 20 minute zoom call each child per week. I've told them not to bother. As guilty as I feel, they will be behind when they return but I need to keep my job.

NoGoodPunsLeft · 24/01/2021 14:38

@Nicknacky

Oh I did get pulled up last week by the school for lack of engagement despite having sent in photos of her work almost every day.....so that was a bit of a kick in the teeth as I thought we were doing ok.
That sucks ☹️ what more do they want?!

We get a weekly phone call from DD's teacher, he's aware we both work & will do what we can when we can. They can't expect more than that!

pinkpip100 · 24/01/2021 14:41

It's really tough - although as pp said, I am grateful they aren't in school as I feel we're all a lot less exposed this way. I work part time in Early Years but currently wfh as my youngest dc is CEV. DH is wfh full time with virtually no flexibility on hours. Youngest dc needs constant supervision, so I have no choice but to fit my 25 hours per week in after 4pm (when 3 older dc finish school work and can help entertain younger dc) and at weekends. I'm permanently knackered!!

NoGoodPunsLeft · 24/01/2021 14:43

@Ricepops

Work are theoretically being flexible and understanding, but I'm practice I feel completely isolated being only one of two colleagues affected by school closures.

I'm in the same boat, the others in my team with DC are all secondary age & my line manager is about 25 with no DC so has no idea what I'm going through.

Nicknacky · 24/01/2021 14:45

@NoGoodPunsLeft I was surprised as I’ve since spoken to a parent who hasn’t engaged at all and they haven’t had anything said to them.

The teacher did retract slightly when I said I had been working till 3am that week then doing schoolwork and that while I would send in work my priority was doing the work, not taking individual photos of it on seesaw.

I’m doing my best. That’s all we can do.

Sorryusernamealreadyexists · 24/01/2021 14:45

Barely getting any school work done, both need me to fully supervise but I can’t because my job requires me to fully work during normally office hours 😩 No furlough his time either as we are too busy

TheSparkling · 24/01/2021 14:50

"Guilt laden" I think sums it up best.

I'm a lone parent (widowed) with 4 teens at home and I work 4 days a week for the NHS. They are good kids, and do work by themselves mostly. But it is stressful not being able to supervise them properly. I'm desperately worried that none of them are getting nearly enough exercise at the moment and how this whole thing will affect their futures.

I just feel like I'm constantly juggling too many things and something is going to drop and break (and it's likely to be me)!