Working parents, how are we doing?

[GoldenOmber]

For those of us trying to fit in working with children at home due to school/childcare closures. Would love to know how others are managing - if indeed people are managing - or just to have some support to rant about how shit it all is.

For me: two parents WFH, full-time jobs, can't be furloughed. Primary-aged DC, school is doing decent enough remote education but they're too young to manage on their own so need one parent to supervise. Toddler can't go to nursery (as we're in Scotland) so needs constant supervision as well. Employers giving a lot of lip service to 'being flexible' but increasingly expect the same amount of work to get done.

(Please, if you aren't in this position but think it would be a total doddle for you/people only complain about it because they have an 'agenda' of wanting schools open unsafely/parents can't be arsed to look after own children/can't you just do your job from 8-9pm every evening/whatever else...this is not the thread for you, please go elsewhere.)

Erm we're surviving but it'd be a lie to say I'm not really struggling and stressed.

2 of us WFH most the week, DH also goes into school 2 days a week. He's a teacher so is remote teaching other people's kids all day when he's home. I work FT for a big multinational. DC in reception.

Remote provision is good enough and DC does seem to be learning which is good. Employer talks a lot of flexibility and my line manager is great - however, my clients still expect the same service and they're ultimately who I am responsible to. I'm working long hours to fit in school, childcare and also my normal job. This weekend I also worked all of Saturday just to catch up as I had a big panic attack on Friday about how drowned I felt in work and obligation. It actually worked well working sat as DH could do childcare. I'm so tired. I'm also pregnant so that's fun!

Luckily only one child but parent 1 taking first shift 8.30 to 12.30 and then the other taking over until 4.30. Elderly mother cared for by parent 2 and tea done by parent 1! Bedtime routine split and then working until 10ish by both 1 and 2. Weekends have to be done in a similar way just to meet all our deadlines.

My 7 year old hasn't done anything. My meetings start at 8 and I am mostly back to back all day so it isn't possible to set him up with anything at the moment. Covid hit us all hard at New Year and my OH is no better yet. When he is, he will be able to get my son set up and help with work but until then he won't be doing anything. I am fine with it, the school phoned and asked why he hadn't been in any lessons, they were fine with it as they know the alternative is for me to use my key worker place and they are begging parents to keep them home if they can (68% of kids are in according to the latest email). My Y11 son is doing his best but remote learning does not suit him at all.

I am on 2 weeks medical leave with stress. And that's before I heard this morning's news.

In theory I am reasonably well placed: my children are 11 and 13 and their schools are providing a quality online platform. On the other hand, my husband is in the military and away with work.

The problem is I am senior at work, NO allowance was being for my circumstances. I work a busy 10 hour day normally, and my workload has crept up to 12 hours. Non stop. I am there but I am not there for the children . They have been fending for themselves. They Can't even talk to me as I am on calls the whole time. I cant do it and I've broken. They can't go all day just interacting online, every bloody day. They have to come first.

I have no idea what to tell HR when they call to ask me about how I can come back. Looks like I won't be able to, not in the way they want me to, until MAY. I fully expect to be made redundant.

My children are older and students at university so not an issue but I am very sorry for women with younger ones. I do think no one will listen to how the CV19 legislation is ruining the lives of women and their careers unless more action is taken eg a distanced demonstration. I was going to say sump a load of children on 10 10's doorstep and let Boris J look after them whilst he's working full time like so many women are trying to do but that would not be a good idea.

it is obviously easier for me to say this as since March 2020 I have been against all the mandatory CV19 legislation and would rather increase my risk of death hugely than have the loss of our rights and freedoms.

Also.... anyone else noticing that colleagues are still thinking it's acceptable/possible to book meetings that are 2-3hrs long. Joining even shorter half hour conf calls is difficult at the moment as DC constantly needs my help (4yr old) and asks questions all day (not his fault at all!) but zoom calls for hours at a time just don't work for parents with kids at home at the moment! No one at my work seems to understand this and I feel guilty/frustrated/worried about having to constantly try to either make meetings work somehow or ask to reschedule or shorten the calls

Yes, I had a 2 hour then a 2.5 hour meeting last week. Back to back.

It's so stressful. I work part -time, 3 days over 5 but actually have a full time workload so my working days are crazy. DH is full-time and kids in yr 2 and yr 4 with 4 zooms each a day. They both need one to one really but DH and I are also in zooms all day. It's easier on my day off in the week but it makes me wonder how I cope on the other 4 days as even then it is impossible to be with both of them.

Both kids are perfectionists and get upset if they think they have missed anything so we cant even make it easy on ourselves by missing a few of their zooms.

Work are also making noises about being flexible but not reducing workloads. Even though they could for certain non-urgent parts of the job.

Our child is not completing her school work, we are not completing our work either really. I'm a teacher, which helps my not being too stressed about the school work side of things, but there is far too much screen time happening. She does 10-12, 2-5 completely alone, while we work. Bit shit for her really.

Finding it much harder than last time. I’ve never been busier with work and I’m self employed so I can’t let clients down or they will just find someone else to work with. DS is an only child with nobody to play with. He’s clingy, bored, irritable and throughly fed up. School work is worksheets which he’s finding very dull. He’s rapidly losing knowledge and no amount of gentle reminders seem to help. I feel like he’s regressed massively.

We have a few short zoom catch ups with the class each week but most of that time is spent saying hello and reading a story. No live learning and parents are expected to supervise all zoom calls so I can’t even do emails when he’s on his class zoom.

We’re doing what we can but I get a weekly call from school asking ‘how are you coping’ and ‘we’ve noticed DS did not do X, Y or Z this week’. I have to prioritise my income or I can’t keep a roof over our heads, but yes of course I need to try harder

Ex is doing nothing. As usual.

It’s fucking grim.

On my knees, quite honestly. I am not sure how we are going to make half term let alone Easter. I am so angry at this Government for treating working parents in this way. School don't care as we aren't key workers or vulnerable enough - not sure how KS1 kids unsupervised for 7 hours a day doesn't make them vulnerable?! My kids have no chance and the guilt is immense.

2 x WFH parents and 2 x primary age DC and it's hideous. We are grateful for our health and our jobs but living like this is not sustainable. As others have said, employers suggest flexibility but the volume of work remains. Feel like we're being left to get in with it with no end in sight, I can't believe schools will open after Feb half term.

DC are 5 and 7, Y1 and Y3. Very impressed with the school provision, and we are lucky that the kids can get it done in about half a day.

DH is working 6am-10am then doing the vast majority of the homeschool while I have 3-4 hours uninterrupted. Then I work downstairs while also half supervising the kids. In theory DH should only do another 3 hours or so but he's been so busy he's been locked away until 7pm most days.

It's relentless for DH, he's absolutely exhausted. I don't think I'm producing much quality output in the afternoons so I feel guilty about that.

It is what it is. Kids have been really well behaved actually and so far entertaining themselves quite well. But it is so much harder than it needs to be, if anyone could be bothered to give schools 5 minutes of thought. Even if they could have 2 days in school it would make a huge difference.

In theory we should be fine- school have been excellent, both parents wfh and we have an our after school nanny whose been coming in to help a few days a week.
In reality, it's very hard. For the kids it's just endless work, no fun. Both me and DH are in zoom meetings all day every day. We struggle to get them out the house every morning for a wet cold walk because what's the point. Eldest (year 5) showing real signs of MH issues. Youngest year3 needs one to one to do anything. Both ours were out from March - sept 2020 and I'm exhausted

Sending them in when it is allowed by the regulations might be one way to effect change and also even out inequalities in schools where more are in than not.

Just looked at the total of 'home learning' tasks we have to complete tomorrow and HAHAHAHAHA. Christ.

Not that I blame the school for the total impossibility of this. They can't be expected to provide an amount of learning which is enough for the children to actually learn all they need to and also is compatible with their parents working, because those are two totally different amounts of work and they can't do both. But I find it so depressing that parents are supposed to do two things that just can't be both done together, somehow by magic?

Struggling here. WFH full time and workload is unmanageably high but nothing that can really be done about that. Last time around she just didn't do any formal learning but the expectations are different this time. She can't work independently and struggles even if I work with her. Under assessment for autism and doesn't do well at communication via a screen, except with me (if I'm not with her to speak in person).

Constantly failing at everything, exhausted, overwhelmed. And I feel like I can't even complain because there's just one child, age 10 so expectation is independent working.

Don't want her in school because of the virus risk, can't send her in anyway as they are rammed with key worker children already and bubbles are constantly bursting with lots of staff illness. But the kids who are in school are getting a full day of proper teaching and all the other benefits of being in school i.e. contact with other kids, highly structured day, peer support, teaching staff on hand. The kids at home are screwed if they can't work independently or don't have a parent or much older sibling who can work one on one with them.

Annoys me that technology is perceived as the only barrier to learning. She's got her own laptop, external screen/keyboard/mouse, desk to work on, smartphone and can borrow my iPad with Apple pencil at any time (handy when annotating a digital document). She still can't access the learning though.