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Original poster

Visiting my boyfriend to help his mental health?

36 replies

Holly623 · 22/01/2021 00:33

He lives in England, I live in Wales. He is really struggling with his mental health right now, self harm and suicidal thoughts etc. He is going though a really tough time right now, dealing with the police due to childhood trauma. It's heartbreaking being on the phone to him whilst he's crying and clearly struggling. I really need to see him, but I'm worried about being fined and stopped. I'm guessing I don't have a good enough reason to go and see him?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 22/01/2021 00:37

If one of you lives alone, you can be a support bubble. The guidelines explicitly say it’s ok for them to include households outside Wales.

Have a look here...
gov.wales/visiting-people-private-homes-alert-level-4

Sorry it’s so tough for him at the moment.

RubyandPearl · 22/01/2021 00:37

Could you be in his support bubble? I'm so sorry to hear this x

Original poster
Holly623 · 22/01/2021 00:40

Sadly neither of us live alone, we both live with parents and siblings 😔

OP posts:
RubyandPearl · 22/01/2021 00:41

Oh no that must be so frustrating for you. Do his parents know how hes feeling?

Flowersinthewindowstill · 22/01/2021 00:41

I thought if someone was at risk of harm that was an exemption?

xmaschocolatecoins · 22/01/2021 00:43

Honestly OP if I were you I would just go. Some people will say it's an important reason and others won't but if you think it will help your boyfriend you should go. (Fyi I also live in Wales and work all over England, travel back and fourth every single day and have done all the way through this pandemic and I've never been stopped once). Hope that reassures you a little bit.

Newfor2021 · 22/01/2021 00:47

I’d also say to go. Without being dramatic if you believe he is suicidal then he needs your support ❤️

Original poster
Holly623 · 22/01/2021 00:56

His parents do sort of know, I'm just not sure to what extent, and to be honest they are not really interested. They'll make a big thing of it every so often but then just not bother for a while. I've looked all over the Internet and all I can see is that support bubbles are allowed for vulnerable people, but only if one of us lives alone.
I think I do need to go, he needs someone close right now. It is settling to see that it is possible to travel without having any trouble. Its not just the fine that I worry about, but the thought of being stopped and having to talk to police makes me very anxious.

OP posts:
Grenlei · 22/01/2021 01:09

OP I think you should go - obviously I can't tell you definitely that you won't be stopped and I know the police in Wales are strict, but I've been visiting my partner (we're both in England, I live in London and he is near the Welsh border) and vice versa since support bubbles were introduced and neither of us has been stopped. Obviously that's not to say you won't, but I think the circumstances in your case are pretty extenuating, he really needs the support. It's not like you're going there to have a party.

Hope you're able to see him and that he is ok.

Stationfork · 22/01/2021 01:10

As a police officer, I would not have a problem with this under the circumstances as it sounds like he needs your support.

We are seeing a shocking increase every single shift in mental health related incidents.

Heyahun · 22/01/2021 01:11

Just go! If you were stopped just tell the truth - suicidal partner - it’s an essential emergency trip!

My husband travelled to Ireland when his mum had a bad fall
And ended up in hospital - essential journey

This sounds essential to me

Oliphanto · 22/01/2021 01:12

Go. There are no roadblocks Op. if stopped you have a valid exemption to stay at home guidance (risk of harm.

Original poster
Holly623 · 22/01/2021 01:22

Seeing that other people agree this would be an essential trip and have also had no problems making these essential trips make me feel a bit more at ease. To have a police officer say that they would deem this essential makes me feel even more better.

I'll be moving to be with him in a few months, but i can't do that just yet. Seeing him struggling so much, drinking every night is horrible. He really does need someone that actually cares close.

OP posts:
Stationfork · 22/01/2021 01:48

We all need someone to lean on OP. Go do what you need to do. I see what happens when people don't have that and it all goes wrong.

Take care.

MagpieSong · 22/01/2021 01:57

@Flowersinthewindowstill

I thought if someone was at risk of harm that was an exemption?
This. It is a visit to care for someone and so is exempt. However, if someone closer is able to do it, you’d be expected to try and arrange that instead. So tough, but MH issues relating to trauma are an acceptable reason to go there as dementia or physical health issues or other exempt issues like caring for a a child whilst a family member gives birth would be. You’re expected to take precautions where possible and think carefully to reduce risk as much as you can, but it’s absolutely allowed.
katy1213 · 22/01/2021 02:37

Have you thought this through? You can't really turn up on his parents' doorstep and expect them to take you in.
Do you see him for a few hours - walking round the park in the cold? - and then drive home again? It could all end in a horribly distressing scene. It is tough - but his parents might be better placed to deal with this than you think.

Original poster
Holly623 · 22/01/2021 02:59

I haven't said I'll just turn up on the doorstep, we will talk to this parents, they don't mind me going there aslong as I'm careful in the time before I go. Whilst they don't seem to care about his mental health too much, they do appreciate that I make him happy, and he needs it now more than ever.
I'd stay there for a week or 2, as long as I Can before I need to come back. I don't see how this can turn into a distressing scene ?

OP posts:
Mousehole10 · 22/01/2021 08:09

Please go. This has been me in the past (long before times) and I wouldn’t have got through it without others, my parents weren’t interested either. This is more important than covid, he needs you. You can’t have a support bubble but as he has actual mental health problems you can visit for care, and your plan of staying a few weeks instead of coming and going is sensible.

dellarossa · 22/01/2021 10:03

I would 1000% go in this situation. I believe it’s essential & could be explained as such if you were stopped -,which I think is incredibly unlikely! Sorry to hear this, I hope his situation improves.

faerin · 22/01/2021 10:14

Please, please, visit your boyfriend.

Theimpossiblegirl · 22/01/2021 10:19

DDs boyfriend is really struggling.
For them, there is a bigger risk of him coming to harm than either of them being ill with Covid. Of course you should go.
The England/Wales think is tricky but people are still traveling, you won't get stopped leaving, but maybe going back.
Then you are returning home from a support bubble.

Spiratedaway · 22/01/2021 10:21

Go please .... my friend died yesterday and more men are suffering please go to him x

DinosaurOfFire · 22/01/2021 10:21

In Wales you are allowed to visit someone else for reasons of mental health support, I am not sure of the rules in England. It sounds like you would be moving in for at least a couple of weeks though? And moving house is allowed within the rules.

redsquirrelfan · 22/01/2021 10:23

Yes there is a care exemption. It doesn't just apply to the elderly.

Timeontimeoff · 22/01/2021 10:45

@Holly623

If he is suicidal could he move in with you or you with him? Is he working? Does his family know he is suicidal? Could one of them move in with him? Urgent referral needed. This is urgent and is perfectly ok.

For perspective a colleagues husband committed suicide in April when she walked out - he was alone, everyone knew he was suicidal but no one moved in. Just a family member being there with him would have been enough on that occasion.