Visiting my boyfriend to help his mental health?

[Holly623]

He lives in England, I live in Wales. He is really struggling with his mental health right now, self harm and suicidal thoughts etc. He is going though a really tough time right now, dealing with the police due to childhood trauma. It's heartbreaking being on the phone to him whilst he's crying and clearly struggling. I really need to see him, but I'm worried about being fined and stopped. I'm guessing I don't have a good enough reason to go and see him?

I think I'm going to sort some things out and then go and see him as soon as possible. I can't move in with him just yet but I am going to stay with him for as long as I can. He lives with his mum and siblings but he is just left in his room by himself all day. He doesn't work right now, he had a job but packed it in a few months back when everything was getting too much for him again.
I really appreciate all of your replies, it's made me feel better about going to him even though I already knew its needed, it's good to have some type of encouragement that I'd be doing the right thing for him x

I don't think it is within the rules or the spirit of the rules at all. What would be more appropriate would be for his family to be made aware of how he is feeling. They are in a position to offer care or obtain help if needed.
Does he have a medical diagnosis? A psychiatrist or CPN he can contact for assistance?

I’m all for following the rules but if he’s having suicidal thoughts then I would go to him if you feel it would help. Just go.

@Calmandmeasured1 don't be ridiculous. The man is suicidal and his family obviously doesn't care that much. A medical diagnosis makes no diference, and getting professional mental health at these times is virtually impossible. If she can go she should go.

Absolutely go to him, you are clearly his main support and I keep hearing about heartbreaking cases of suicide.

Anyone who thinks supporting a suicidal loved one is not following the rules must be very callous indeed.

@MaxNormal

Absolutely go to him, you are clearly his main support and I keep hearing about heartbreaking cases of suicide.

Anyone who thinks supporting a suicidal loved one is not following the rules must be very callous indeed.

Absolutely this.

@Calmandmeasured1

I don't think it is within the rules or the spirit of the rules at all. What would be more appropriate would be for his family to be made aware of how he is feeling. They are in a position to offer care or obtain help if needed. Does he have a medical diagnosis? A psychiatrist or CPN he can contact for assistance?

He doesn't have a diagnosis or anything, he was in contact with some organization but he got fed up of them ringing everyday and in the end refused any support that was offered to him by the police. His family does know that he has self harmed in the past and that he really does struggle sometimes. I think even if they did bother to try and help him, he don't like it because he sort of blames them for what happened in the past.

You are providing care to a vulnerable person. End of.
It would be great if that care could be provided by the people he lives with but for whatever reason it isn’t being. Mental health problems are complex and realistically we know that sometimes it needs a certain relationship or set of skills to be able to be of any help to a depressed person.
If you are stopped mention his suicidality.
Best of luck op, I do hope things improve for him x

I think he needs professional help if he has self-harmed and has suicidal thoughts.

I think even if they did bother to try and help him, he don't like it because he sort of blames them for what happened in the past.
Sounds like he definitely needs help in dealing with what happened in the past. Until he comes to terms with whatever happened, it will always be there waiting to rear its ugly head. Maybe you could help him to get the help he needs?

Mental health problems are complex and realistically we know that sometimes it needs a certain relationship or set of skills to be able to be of any help to a depressed person.
It does need a certain set of skills to help suicidal people and that means professional help. Numerous people who go on to complete suicide have relatives and friends who love and support them. If that was all it took there would be very few suicides.

I think even if they did bother to try and help him, he don't like it because he sort of blames them for what happened in the past.

I can understand this really well. I suffer from PTSD as a result of childhood SA at the hands of my F (he died 23 years ago) and, although I don't really blame my DM for it, as I accept that she didn't know about it), there is a lot of resentment inside me. My DSis, also a victim is the same.

I've been through difficult times, but I've had so much support from my DH of 17 years. The last person I would want support from when feeling low mentally would be my DM. (She ends up crying about it herself whenever the past is mentioned so she's unable to help anyway.)

So I echo PPs who are saying that you really should go, with your boyfriend being like this. It's particularly worrying that he's staying in his room all day on his own.

But he really does need professional help. And you also need support yourself.

I've told him for a long time that he needs to accept the professional help, but he just don't want it and I don't want to keep nagging him to do it because he'll end up dispising me and also not getting help simply due to the principle of being told to, I'm not sure if that makes sense?
It's very sad to see how many people are struggling even more with their mental health due to lock down. Whilst I'm aware that covid is serious, it doesn't mean that other things are not killing people.

Thanks all for your kind words 😊