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Original poster

Parents abroad. Should I just stop hoping?

42 replies

MummaBear4321 · 17/01/2021 12:07

Raab said this morning that quarantine hotels may be set up for people coming in and out, and the curtailments on international travel will be 'beefed up'. I get it. The virus kills. Restrictions are needed. I am not about to get on a plane any time soon. But, my parents live in Ireland. I have a 10 week old and a 2 year old. I am starting to write even this year off for seeing them. We managed to see each other for a few days when things calmed over last summer, but with quarantining for 2 weeks needed my dad used all his holiday for the year just seeing us for those few days, and my mom doesnt have holiday entitlements as she is agency so she just lost 3 weeks pay. They cant afford 2 weeks quarantine every time they want to see their grandkids, not to mention the £600 for two tests each.

I miss them so much it hurts. I cant see any hope. I have nothing to look forward to. My daughters just wont know them. I even get so angry that when my MIL moans and cries because she hasn't seen us in 2 weeks I want to scream at her. I am raging with anger all the time. Facetime is just not good enough. Neither of my DDs really interact with them. They are just like a video on youtube.

Is there any hope? Should I just stop having any thoughts that I will see them this side of my newborns first birthday? Is this just it now?

OP posts:

newstart1234 · 17/01/2021 12:38

I don’t think this is it 💐 things will certainly be better this summer than last in terms of the infection’s impact on the health service and mortality and so logically they should be able to visit similar to last summer at the very least. Things seem bleak now we’re in the eye of the storm but it’ll pass. This opinion is shared by all the doctors I know. Keep on keeping on for now one day at a time 💐

Theneverendingcleaningcycle · 17/01/2021 12:43

I know how you feel to some extent OP DP parents live in Ireland too he didn't get to see them last year we hope to get over in the summer but while I'm outwards positive to his face, inwards I'm so uncertain.

Iris237 · 17/01/2021 12:53

I am in the same position except a greater distance. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen any of my family and I have written off seeing them this year as well. They don’t know my son and he doesn’t know them. I have a MIL that’s the same and creating some distance between us has helped me. It’s very difficult especially when others complain to me about not seeing their relatives even for a few weeks. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone and we will see our families again someday.

BogRollBOGOF · 17/01/2021 12:56

Don't write the year off.
Right now, we're in the thick of the peak of the respiritory illness season.
We've vaccinating people rapidly, rates will naturally tumble in the spring, the aviation/ tourist industry can't afford to be grounded indefinitely.

The odds are very strong for a better summer than 2020

We haven't seen Irish family since Oct 2019, and it is a worry at MiL is rather elderly.

Heyahun · 17/01/2021 13:04

Yeah I’m the same ! My first baby is due in 6 weeks and my parents are in Ireland! This will also be their first grandchild!

We are gonna work something out - whether it means myself baby and husband flying home in the summer and staying there for like a month or 2 (doing isolation on arrival - or saving up the money for the tests if that’s still the case)

Or have them come to us and again get them to come for a long visit!

Not sure how it will all pan out but I’m trying to stay positive about it! I miss them so much I’m actually considering moving back tbh

Bubbles1st · 17/01/2021 13:10

Feel your pain my boyfriend is from the EU and not only have we not seen his family for a year now, they are going to soon need passports to travel instead of just their ID card. They are retired and not well off. We have always paid for their flights before now, however with baby number one on the way that will be a stretch. We can make that happen but we really need them to be able to afford their own passports. I'm not optimistic about how soon I would be prepared to travel to them with a baby.

It's their first grand child, they already only see us twice a year so to go two years with out is painful, not just for me but to see how difficult it is for my boyfriend. It hurts. My mum is the same as your MIL and will grumble about. Or seeing us for a few weeks. They don't know about the pregnancy yet, I think the longer they go without knowing the less it will hurt they can't see you right now :(

Original poster

MummaBear4321 · 17/01/2021 13:15

I am thinking I might take my girls for a good chunk over the summer if we are allowed, maybe 4 weeks. With mat leave I can easily quarantine when I get back without worrying about work. The only thing would be my husband would miss them terribly but that may be our only option. I have considered moving back too, but my DH qualifications arent recognised there, and i am teacher so getting a secure job that would allow us to buy or comfortably rent a house and pay for childcare is next to near impossible. Myself and DH have spent hours and hours trying to work it out, but it just wouldnt work for us. Also, I dont think I could ask him to leave him family for mine. I chose to move to the UK, and up to the pandemic myself and my family had a good system of seeing each other every 8 weeks. I was happy with the situation. When I think now about how much my parents miss my kids, and how my mum always puts on a brave face when they must be so lonely (my sister lives in the UK too) and how I cant see a light at the end of the tunnel yet, it just kills me.

OP posts:

MrsWonderland · 17/01/2021 13:17

I'm so sorry for you. My husband's family are in the EU and it's awful. His dad died of Corona at the start of the pandemic and he made it over then but without me and the kids. There is a memorial service in April and I don't think he or the children will be able to cope if we can't be there (can't be postponed as it's a religious thing). We currently face having to take three tests each - one to go, one to come back and one if we want to be out of isolation after 5 days. 12 PCR tests is £1800!! Even then the boys will probably just be going back to school and will then miss the first week. It's all just unbearable

Heyahun · 17/01/2021 13:18

Why can’t you go to them?? Are
You on maternity leave if you have a small baby

bookworm14 · 17/01/2021 13:28

It is awful OP. My sister, BIL and niece are in Ireland and I haven’t seen them for a year. My niece barely knows who I am. I just hope some travel will be allowed once most people are vaccinated.

BlackCatShadow · 17/01/2021 13:34

We're in the same boat but further afield. My parents are so upset that we haven't seen them in a year and they really worry that they will never see us again in person again. I always felt that this winter will be tough, but am still hopeful that things will start to improve in the spring. We really want to go and visit my parents so much in the summer holidays. I'm still hopeful it will happen. We have our passports and suitcases ready just in case.

Cornettoninja · 17/01/2021 13:37

I think things will be so much better as the warmer seasons take hold, much like last summer, but now with the added benefit of the vaccinations rolling out.

If I were you I would be making tentative plans to go over may/june time, especially as you say, you can make any isolation period work because of your maternity leave. It would be a shame for your DH to miss out if there’s no way to make his job work but I don’t think that’s a reason for you all to miss out.

Would driving be an option for you? It’s probably only really workable if your DH does figure out a way to go, but the ferry would be much safer imho if you’re concerned about the plane. We did it to Dundalk a couple of years ago and it really wasn’t too bad.

Heyahun · 17/01/2021 13:39

Ah missed your post saying you might try go for a big chunk of time in the summer!

Same as me! I’m lucky as my husband works from home so can just work from there so we can all go for a long time!

Probably il stay on an extra few weeks to him though I know I won’t want to leave hahaha

So il essentially move back in with the folks for the summer !

It’s the only way!

Then it will likely be better towards end of the year or 2022

Porcupineintherough · 17/01/2021 14:14

I think you have the right idea. Much easier for you to go to them.

Crappyfridays7 · 17/01/2021 14:16

It is rubbish op do you FaceTime/zoom/ them?

I’ve had this twice now when my eldest son was born my mum left and moved to Australia. He was 11 days old. She came back when he was 5, she’d traveled all over by then too and I’d had his little brother.
They moved back to U.K. and lived 9 hours drive away so least we could see them. It’s hard though.

And now after over a year they’ve been shielding due to mums illnesses she’s terrified of catching covid and dying so not left the house since last March just into garden & I’ve not seen them since last new year. We FaceTime etc zoom with my sisters & families we all have small kids. Your children will be fine thoug my boys had and have a lovely relationship with my parents despite them missing 4 years of eldest life and 2 of ds2 and the distance since you just learn to be creative but it’s so hard with babies not having parents close. You do just get n with it and I hey are always at the end of the phone.

My mum is v vulnerable and even with the vaccine and things settling down she’s going to be at risk from bugs via the kids or travelling to us as she’s had no exposure to any for so long she’ll need to be careful. So I don’t know how long it’ll be till we see her again

Zucker · 17/01/2021 14:25

Keep an eye on the common travel agreement between Ireland and the UK.

www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/ireland/entry-requirements

davekim · 17/01/2021 14:30

Same here but in Europe. We have also written off this year and am trying not to pin my hopes on Christmas

Frequentflier · 17/01/2021 14:31

I am an expat. My mother is alone in India. I have accepted that I won't be able to see her for a while. It is hard but it is what it is, and I certainly do not want to be carrying the new variant to her.

Original poster

MummaBear4321 · 17/01/2021 14:40

I need to get DD2s passport sorted this week. Are they even still getting passports sorted? It would be a british one. Not sure if that would complicate me bringing them to ireland as I am not british but they are. Also, I wonder if Ireland would allow people to isolate in their relatives household. My parents live extremely rural. It's easy to camp out and see nobody and my dad wfh. I hope they dont introduce hotels for isolation like they are talking about here. 2 weeks alone in a hotel room with 2 kids under 3 is not really a possibility. Do kids under 3 need tests before going? Ugh. I will do everything I realistically can do and can afford to do to see them, but I am hoping as vaccines roll out restrictions will ease a bit. Tbh, if they dont, I struggle to see how airlines will even exist to get us home.

OP posts:

IrishMamaMia · 17/01/2021 14:40

Hi OP, my parents are in Ireland too. The UK government generally except Ireland from any quarantine requirements as far as I know right now you don't need a test when you return from the North or the Republic.
I've travelled over when it's safe to do so, have tested beforehand and restricted my movements at my parents house which is remote.

EileenGC · 17/01/2021 14:41

IrishMamaMia · 17/01/2021 14:42

I totally feel you if they introduce quarantine hotels I will be devastated however I don't think it's feasible given. The border issue. They stopped flights in over Christmas but you could still come to the Republic through Norther Ireland, no quarantine (!!) Try not to worry, xx

IrishMamaMia · 17/01/2021 14:43

Kids under 11 don't need to be tested.

PaddyF0dder · 17/01/2021 14:45

We are in the exact same position. I’m in the UK. My elderly parents are in ireland. Not seen them since February.

I’m hoping they’ll be vaccinated by the spring. We’ll have them over then.

I get so resentful of people complaining about the restrictions, when it simply means they can’t see relatives for a few weeks at a time. For people in this position it is a year, maybe more. It’s awful.

Ellmau · 17/01/2021 14:45

I need to get DD2s passport sorted this week. Are they even still getting passports sorted? It would be a british one.

Yes, the passport office is still working and actually quicker than normal.

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