Toddler in lockdown 3.0

[HannahS99]

I’m really struggling with our toddler this time round. I feel like I’m imprisoning him in 2 rooms downstairs while I attempt to home school our two other children. He’s great at playing on his own, but let’s face it after months and months of being at home (we were tier 3 before lockdown) he is just bored of everything in the house.

The older two children 7 and 5, are increasingly reluctant to do any school work. Massive tantrums etc. I’m trying to get them to play board games or do Lego etc but the toddler ruins all their games. Anything that requires concentration like baking is pretty much out of the question. Last week I resorted to play doh and then iPad as a last resort but toddler wasn’t that keen.

All the things that kept us busy in the summer are gone, walking routes full of mud and inaccessible to pram. Playground has mostly been too icy to use, even all wrapped up it’s been too cold. Toddler will scream in the pram but if I let him walk he will be falling over on the ice etc.

I’m at the end of my tether with them all. My OH is a key worker working very long hours so I’m on my own. The final straw was nursery being closed due to Covid (he had only recently started going 1 day a week). I feel so sad at all the things he’s missing out on.

Obviously I love all of my kids but thinking about homeschooling etc again next week and I’m just filled with despair. Another week of everybody screaming and crying at me for hours on end. Even the simplest tasks seem so much harder at the minute. What on earth can I do?

All above what you posted relates to me so much haha xx

Would he be happy being in the bath for a while during the way - my 2 year old spends ages washing her toys and pouring water from jugs.

Sometimes I set my timer and focus on the younger child for 15 or 30 minutes etc - play what ever games they want and read stories - and then I feel a little less guilty putting the TV on after.

This won’t be forever

I feel for you - that’s so tough!
Is there anyone else who can support you and take the pressure off a little? Is the nursery temporarily closed or more permanently? Just a couple of mornings at nursery might be a huge help.

Ugh honestly, I don’t know how you’re coping. We only have one toddler and I’m struggling. We have actually postponed any further children until this is over because it’s all so shit. Honestly, I’ve heard the BCC are doing some good school tv at the moment (not sure what age group is targeted). Just make your life as easy as possible. Your children are still very young so I’m sure they will catch up. Some children in Scandinavia don’t go to school until 7 and they donjust as well (if not better) than kids in other education systems starting earlier. Just engage and get them playing. No one expects you to do 6 hours of teaching a day - that have you one to one.

Sending sympathy OP. I really feel for you. The pressure on mothers of little ones is immense right now. You have it extra extra tough with 3 and a key worker DH. I just want to say hang in there, no one should have to cope with what you're coping with. And maybe just sack off home school when you can / need to. Do what works for you. Good luck.

I feel for you OP. Last lockdown completely broke us. Watch lots of TV. I also found that it helps if I spend a bit of time with her first thing in the morning with complete attention then she is more likely to play independently for long hours later. Also Magnetic Tiles. We got some this lockdown and DD is absolutely preoccupied. Plus if all else fails I find that when we're both really bored/I've run out of ideas.. I tend to not do anything and then minutes later she will do something to occupy herself. Also make sure toddle can access all her toys so she can play independently

@HannahS99

I’m really struggling with our toddler this time round. I feel like I’m imprisoning him in 2 rooms downstairs while I attempt to home school our two other children. He’s great at playing on his own, but let’s face it after months and months of being at home (we were tier 3 before lockdown) he is just bored of everything in the house.

The older two children 7 and 5, are increasingly reluctant to do any school work. Massive tantrums etc. I’m trying to get them to play board games or do Lego etc but the toddler ruins all their games. Anything that requires concentration like baking is pretty much out of the question. Last week I resorted to play doh and then iPad as a last resort but toddler wasn’t that keen.

All the things that kept us busy in the summer are gone, walking routes full of mud and inaccessible to pram. Playground has mostly been too icy to use, even all wrapped up it’s been too cold. Toddler will scream in the pram but if I let him walk he will be falling over on the ice etc.

I’m at the end of my tether with them all. My OH is a key worker working very long hours so I’m on my own. The final straw was nursery being closed due to Covid (he had only recently started going 1 day a week). I feel so sad at all the things he’s missing out on.

Obviously I love all of my kids but thinking about homeschooling etc again next week and I’m just filled with despair. Another week of everybody screaming and crying at me for hours on end. Even the simplest tasks seem so much harder at the minute. What on earth can I do?

If it's any help I think your doing brilliantly in such difficult circumstances. Your children are naturally finding things tough and it may feel like they are screaming and crying at you but they are protesting about their situation. The weather will be making things extra difficult. Be strong and kind to your self. When they are all in bed make the most of the few hours you have to yourself to relax and recharge. Things will get better.

Gosh I could have written your post, OP, it is so tough. I am having to homeschool the 7 & 5yos while my 18mo watches Mr Tumble on a loop and I race between the two rooms downstairs, trying to be in two places at once. DH is a key worker so out of the house all day 5 days a week, but this morning he’s tested positive (we also had it back in March FFS) so the 5 of us will be in the house together now for at least 10 days. It is incredibly hard. I’ve been shielding so we’ve not been out much at all apart from the odd walk around the block. I’m just trying to get through from day to day.

Do you know anyone you could form a childcare bubble with? Mixing with others and being in a different house sometimes could make a difference.

Yes I’m similar. 17 month old and a 6 and 8 year old. Last week I didn’t attempt to teach the older two at the same time. I worked with them separately and got the other one to play with the toddler and only short sessions at time interspersed with tv time and doing some jobs in the house. During toddler’s nap I did the harder English work with the older ones which needed them to focus. It‘s hard and unrelenting, just try to take each day at a time.

We do an hour homeschool when 3 year old watches telly. He was 2 in lockdown 1.0

Thats it with homeschool. We also do reading at bedtime. Rest of time is things likes walks or scavenger hunt or going to park, that my little toddler can join in with.

Lower your expectations with homeschool. They are only little once.

Similar here - 7, 5 and 18 month old. We do school work during the toddler’s nap. I honestly can’t imagine doing any while he is awake. He isn’t interested in tv yet so there is no way to occupy him for any length of time. And he varies between wandering round doing his own thing and being super clingy. You can’t plan for it as you never know which mood he’ll be in. But the kids are v good and crack on with their work during his nap. Mornings we go out. The toddler and I whatever the weather, as he loves the wet and puddles thank goodness. But if the weather is remotely passable I take all three of them out to the park for fresh air and a run around. But it is hard and my older kids are definitely showing the strain of not seeing their friends and being at school. Lots of moods, anger and tears. Walking in the rain with my toddler the other day I said to him that in normal times we wouldn’t be out in the rain, we’d be at a playgroup. But he doesn’t even know what they are!

Honestly, I dont think we can do anything except keep trying. My DH works out a lot too, I have a 10 week old and a 2 year old, no support bubble, no nursery as DHs job is risky so we pulled her out so she didnt infect people, she has zero attention span, hates crafts, like tantrums, doesnt entertain herself. It's hard going. All I can do is try get or for a walk once a day, then just keep trying things to keep her going during the day (kinetic sand is great btw), and not feel guilty for the screen time. It's awful. Its lonely, guilt ridden, and frustrating. I have been looking at the Five Minute Mum site, and a thread here called 'Trapped Toddler Parents' www.mumsnet.com/Talk/threads-im-watching

Its serious survival mode. Its hell at times.

Cut yourself some slack OP. Your 7 and 5 year old don't need to be doing everything the school sets and if you're 'imprisoning' your toddler for hours on end in two rooms just to get peace for the other two it's not fair and no wonder he's fed up - I would be too!

Does he take a nap? If so, have that hour or so when you do some maths or English with the others, but otherwise I would focus on your DC's happiness and not on their school work. As for nothing to do, source some DC-friendly films you can all watch together, get the older two to do a Joe Wicks or similar (I find him annoying, but DC seem to find him funny), have a daily story time, and let them play together. Learn through building things - Lego, Duplo, blocks, Jenga, etc. Seriously, the MH and happiness of you and your DC is the only thing that really matters!

It’s a constant battle to stop the 21mo from climbing onto the kitchen table while the older two (4 and 7) do their school work. During the last lockdown toddler went in the playpen a lot but she’s too big for it now. Sometimes the older ones sit in DH’s study, which has a baby gate so at least I don’t have to physically wrestle her away from them.
It’s so shit. I feel so sorry for myself (and all of you on this thread). I deserve a medal for this.

Is there someone who could take your older kids out for a walk and give you some 1-1 time with your toddler to take to a playground it some where?

I’ve got a family member who goes out in a bike ride with my eldest a few times a week.

Or could someone take the toddler out for a walk in the pram?

I have a 10 year old,8 year old, 3 year old and twin 17 month olds. DH is a key-worker, although only works four days per week.

It is tough. I feel like I am drowning at times. Feel like I am in a neverending loop of cooking, cleaning and sorting.

OP, one thing I will say is: you are trying your best, so please be kind to yourself and your DC. Your toddler is not an inconvenience to be hidden away, but a part of your household too. His socialisation can't come from playgroup etc now, so his siblings are all he has.

At 7 and 5 I think slogging away for hours teaching them is just not practical or appropriate. Board games, times tables etc are all great, but please choose your battles! They will learn more about life from being together, being around you. This crappy time, which feels neverending will form their view of each other, parents, family dynamics, which is far more important and lasting than any stress about beginners numeracy and literacy skills.

I'm not saying that you should buy into this long-term, but check out the philosophy of 'unschooling'. I don't practice it fully, but in spring lockdown I read up on it and it helped me to calm down when my younger three were aged two and under! Life lessons are key and for a 7 & 5 year old, the academic learning will flow out of it.

for everyone on this thread.

Can you put the toddler into nursery/pre school?

I have 3 children I am homeschooling whilst wirking and it's hard. But the 3 year old in nursery a few times a week helps soften the blow!!

Omg op snap!! I have two older dcs 9 and 6 who are happy to do school work but need constant help and it takes hours aaaaand a 3 year old. The three year old is going through a tricky phase and needs loads of attention and won’t play for hours on end..
I wish people could see how impossible this is. I’m generally a totally together parent, do loads of activities with the kids but working part-time around them , minding a three year old and then teaching two children, keeping house clean and cooking is fucking impossible...and I used to be a teacher. That’s why I hate it when I see smug posts with
“ now parents know what teachers have to deal with “ ... Emmm no, it’s nothing like teaching a class of 25 people who aren’t your kids... oh in that case I’ll be sorted when my dcs are teenagers so as I’m used to teaching 28 of them all at once
People pay tax that goes towards educating their kids, yes it’s a pandemic so schools can’t be open now but I don’t think parents should be expected to deliver curriculum to their dcs while working and minding other dcs ffs, it’s so disingenuous to act like this is possible to do. I almost wish they’d just say “ we are closed (the absolutely are in Ireland btw) and we aren’t providing an education to your kids because we can’t right now as the teachers can’t as the schools are closed. (I’m referring to primary here as no online lessons for primary here) .
I assume most schools will put in a lot of revision for when kids are back particularly here in Ireland where school are closed for everyone, no key workers , no dcs with an or vulnerable dcs. They did this in our school in September as in Ireland no schools opened last June.
My dcs need loads of exercise so I go out a lot with them cycling and in the fresh air, we do lots of art and baking etc. I cover the core subjects like reading and maths as best I can. If your children are young , I really wouldn’t get stressed about it. I would absolutely hate to see 4-8 year olds in front of screens for half the day “learning “, it’s grim. We as parents also have a choice in all this.

@HairyToity nail on head

It depends on how sensible your older ones are, but could you get the other two to take turns amusing the toddler while you teach one of them?

So - buy some finger puppets, imprison toddler in high chair in the other room and get the 7yo to act out some silly scenes with the finger puppets while you get the 5yo started on their work.

Or - get 5yo to do play doh or colouring in with the toddler for 20 minutes or so while you work with 7yo.

Surely at that age they should only be doing a couple of hours of homeschool max? Could you try to break it up so it's covered by a combination of - TV time - older kids amusing toddler - naptime?

@HannahS99

I’m really struggling with our toddler this time round. I feel like I’m imprisoning him in 2 rooms downstairs while I attempt to home school our two other children. He’s great at playing on his own, but let’s face it after months and months of being at home (we were tier 3 before lockdown) he is just bored of everything in the house.

The older two children 7 and 5, are increasingly reluctant to do any school work. Massive tantrums etc. I’m trying to get them to play board games or do Lego etc but the toddler ruins all their games. Anything that requires concentration like baking is pretty much out of the question. Last week I resorted to play doh and then iPad as a last resort but toddler wasn’t that keen.

All the things that kept us busy in the summer are gone, walking routes full of mud and inaccessible to pram. Playground has mostly been too icy to use, even all wrapped up it’s been too cold. Toddler will scream in the pram but if I let him walk he will be falling over on the ice etc.

I’m at the end of my tether with them all. My OH is a key worker working very long hours so I’m on my own. The final straw was nursery being closed due to Covid (he had only recently started going 1 day a week). I feel so sad at all the things he’s missing out on.

Obviously I love all of my kids but thinking about homeschooling etc again next week and I’m just filled with despair. Another week of everybody screaming and crying at me for hours on end. Even the simplest tasks seem so much harder at the minute. What on earth can I do?

Try working from home at the same time as homeschooling and entertaining a 10&6 year old and caring for a 7 month baby at the same time. That’s my life every Monday-Friday. I want to scrap the homeschooling, but my eldest is such a little geek and loves school/learning, so feel so guilty and will continue for as long as I physically can. I’m at the point though where I might just get myself signed off with stress

Just catching up reading all the replies now. Thanks everyone, good I know we are not alone. And yes I can’t even imagine what I’d do if I had to work as well as do all this.

We do play with toddler loads of course, but he doesn’t nap in the day - he’s 18 months. He’s just too excited if we go in the car and his siblings are there etc. So no work getting done then.

I’m trying to keep up with the school work because school have said they want chikdren at the same starting point (roughly) when they go back to school. It feels vastly unfair that all kids are getting different level of education many of my friends kids are getting 3 hours of zoom lessons with their teacher every day. Our school is not doing this because they have so many kids physically in school- it’s clear that these children are being taught by the teachers not just childcare like last time. I feel pressure to keep up but we have largely focused on English and maths and ditched everything else.

We do try to take turns to play with toddler while one child does the work but he’s becoming very clingy towards me. In fact I woke up this morning to the 1 year old and the 7 year old in my bed both screaming ‘it’s my mummy’ no she’s MY mummy. Argh!

I feel like I’m on duty 14 hours a day as older kids going to bed later as they are not tired. We don’t qualify for a childcare bubble and no family ‘local’ that would help.

I’ve tried giving the older kids the option of not doing the work if we are having a bad day but then they spend a lot of the time just moaning there’s nothing to do and lying on the floor etc.

I know it’s so hard for them as they miss their friends and their activities but I’m completely emotionally drained and it’s only week 2. I can’t see how we can carry on like this for another 5 weeks (probably more).

Thanks for the person who suggested 5 minutes mum and the toddler thread. I’ll have a look very helpful.

We do, do play doh, painting etc but it usually lasts about 10 mins and ends up with ‘mum...he’s painted on my work’ etc.

I love all 3 of them but they are driving me absolutely insane at the minute.

People pay tax that goes towards educating their kids, yes it’s a pandemic so schools can’t be open now but I don’t think parents should be expected to deliver curriculum to their dcs while working and minding other dcs ffs, it’s so disingenuous to act like this is possible to do. I almost wish they’d just say “ we are closed (the absolutely are in Ireland btw) and we aren’t providing an education to your kids because we can’t right now as the teachers can’t as the schools are closed. (I’m referring to primary here as no online lessons for primary here)

@Notthis2 I agree with this tbh. It seems to be an invisible problem that no one acknowledges. The government bleat on about yes it’s hard but please keep going for another good knows how long. There isn’t even the recognition that it’s impossible to do, even adequately let alone well. It’s ridiculous really. Wouldn’t be so bad if there was properly funded catch up for kids and families who through no fault of their own, couldn’t deliver the curriculum to their kids. But we all know that this won’t happen.

Same storm different boats, but no acknowledgement of this from high up because PEOPLE ARE DYING DONT YOU KNOW. Well I do know this, but this fact doesn’t mean I can magically teach, care for younger kids and do my salaried job all at the same time

The bickering and whining is endless isn’t it? Try not to worry about the schoolwork. At their ages they should be ok and the school will do a lot of catch up. I know it may provoke more fighting over access to the phone or laptop, but are there some online learning things they can do like phonics play or hit the button for maths. May keep one of them occupied for a little longer. Mine also like seeing stories read out, e.g. story time online on YouTube. Still a screen but it is books so they do that for a bit of quiet time after lunch.