Having a breakdown

[bunny85]

I don't really know what I'm trying to achieve by posting but the situation is critical. I'm finding it extremely tough and it's only just started. I'm isolated, I haven't seen friends for a very long time. I have 2 young children, 5 years and 11 months. The baby wakes up every hour at night, sometimes more often than that, every night. My husband is always at work (key worker) and Saturdays too. I'm on my own stuck in the house, baby whining non stop, wants to be carried all day, he's very heavy and I have a terrible backache, I'm exhausted during the day because of sleepless nights, the amount of homework and live lessons is unmanageable, my son is bored, they are both bored, I'm going out of my mind. I used to cook while the baby naps, now we use this time for homework. We live on pizzas and sandwiches. Every day is the same, it's raining all day every day, there's nothing to do, nowhere to go. I sit and cry all day every day. Sorry for the ramble, I don't know what I'm asking for. Thanks for reading!

Have a word with the school, perhaps get your daughter in, this will ease things slightly. Your husband is a keyworker too, maybe they could accommodate. I work at a school and we have taken in kids if their parents have been struggling with their MH.

Sorry you're having such a tough time. As your husband is a KW, your 5yo is eligible for a school place. Would you consider that to take the pressure off. Remote learning is very hard for early years/ KS1.

Thank you for replying. No, they said as one parent is at home they will not accept my son.

Is there anyway you can do (or afford professional help) of a sleep trainer? I paid £100, which I know not everyone can afford. But it changed my life with DD child number 2. Sleep in itself would really help you.

Sorry OP, sounds rough!

Are both of them still napping? Could you do 'quit time' for 5yr old?

I only have a 4 yr old but it's been a struggle too. TV is my new babysitter and I feel awful for the amount of screen time he's getting. How is your 5 yr old with TV?

I wouldn't stress about school work. Not much to learn at 5 anyway. Just do whatever to get everyone through the day. Good luck!

quiet time*

The guidelines state that they are obliged to if one parent if KW. Politely email back citing the following (link and relevant para for you):

www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-covid-19-maintaining-educational-provision/guidance-for-schools-colleges-and-local-authorities-on-maintaining-educational-provision

Critical workers
Parents whose work is critical to the coronavirus (COVID-19) and EU transition response include those who work in health and social care and in other key sectors outlined in the following sections. Children with at least one parent or carer who is a critical worker can go to school or college if required, but parents and carers should keep their children at home if they can.

Oh god that sounds so hard, OP you’re doing an amazing job coping with it and digging deep for the resilience you’re having to utilise. It won’t last, this will pass, a d just try to find a little light in every day.

Pizza and sandwiches sound great by the way. I hope you get the chance to have a bath and a cup of tea sometimes when your H is home. I’m sure he’s working very hard but he gets out, has variety, adult conversations, coffees in peace. You need some downtime whenever possible.

Hold on tight for now - it will improve

I'm sorry you feel like this OP. Mine were 6 & 3 at the start of all this nonsense last year and that was hard enough I couldn't have managed had they been younger.

Can your husband take a few days leave, it doesnt solve the problem overall but if you had more rest you might be in a better headspace to deal with it going forward?

Just be kind to yourself.

Ok break it down, bit of rest and good food.

Can you get some bagged salad and fruit, get something not sludgy inside at least you? Tinned butter beans would help a bit.

Do what school work you can and when baby naps a bit in the day put on toy story 1,2,3 &,4 to chill eldest whilst you cat nap on the couch. Just to recharge.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Juggling little ones on your own in lockdown must be really really difficult. As you have a baby under one I believe you are allowed to form a bubble with another family? That could be a total sanity saver. Could you think about doing something like that?

Also, please don't worry about the 5 year old. Can he (or she) watch some of the BBC schools stuff in the morning whilst you take a nap? A bit of reading with him afterwards whilst you cuddle the baby and perhaps do some writing practice in a special workbook? That's plenty of education and more than most will be getting. I wouldn't bother with the school's set work if you're struggling. It's not worth your mental health... You've asked the school for help and they can't provide it. You need to put yourself first, seriously. Your son will have the rest of his time at school to catch up and will be absolutely fine with cuddles and a book or two.

for you

Have you no family/friend you could bubble with as you have a child under 12 months. Are you feeding the baby, could DH take a day or two off and do the nights to give you a break?

The guidance doesn’t state the school are obliged to offer a space so I wouldn’t rely on that but you could ask OP, if you think that would help.

Do you have any parents or inlaws that could come and help out, perhaps take the baby out for a walk. Do as much or as little work with DD as you can. CBBS have put on some tv programmes that could possibly help. Try and get out for a walk, wrap up warm, even for just a short while will help. Good luck and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Schools can say no. But this does sound very hard on you op.

What hours does your dp work? Can he cook more

OP my heart goes out to you. I'm in the same position but thankfully my OH is furloughed. I cant imagine doing it without him. And it's still tiring!! Dont feel guilty about sticking the TV on as we watch a film or two every day. We live in a flat too so DD is bouncing off the walls. She hasn't been outside In days due to the weather.
Do you have anyone you can reach out too? Health visitor? Family?
If you have a child under 1 you can form a bubble with another family. My 2nd DD is 11 weeks, we did it with my parents in the 2nd lockdown. You will burn out if you dont get any support OP.
I hope you are ok xx

You have a child under 12 months so would it be possible for you to form a support bubble with anyone? It can be a household of any size as you are the one that is eligible.

Thank you for taking time to reply and for being so kind. Just to answer a few questions, yes I'm breastfeeding and my husband already is helping at night when possible, tries to rock him to sleep etc. I know I need to night wean, I just can't bring myself to do it as it'll mean few completely sleepless nights. Tried the sleep consultant too, spent a little fortune with them.

I didn't know about the bubble! I didn't realise I could! This would be a total game changer for me, thank you so much for the suggestion! I thought as I have a 5 year old too I don't qualify.

I try to make some healthy food too, something quick like salmon or chicken and couscous. We eat fruit too.

Can anyone give me a rough idea when you think this hell will end ie when will they reopen the schools? I feel so sorry for my son...

Agree with breaking it down.

Will your baby go in a sling? I've got a baby who won't be put down, a baby carrier is saving my back.

You can make healthy sandwiches and nothing wrong with a bit of pizza.

If you can afford it, pre cut fruit to sling at the children for snacks.

Slow cooker is saving me too. Just cut and chop and Chuck it all in with a casserole mix. Meat and tons of veg in one go.

(Actually half the time I get pre chopped veg and meat to throw in the slow cooker. Even quicker!)

Can I ask if you can possibly stretch to having some help a couple of days a week? Even if you have to use savings/borrow money.

You can leave the children and go out for a walk, have a bath and someone else can carry the baby and help your son with his school work.

I think this is an emergency so if it is a possibility you should absolutely take it. Otherwise the other option might be to bubble up with a support - a friend or your parents if they are not shielding? So they can help.

Maybe dh can take a week off to give you a proper break?
I am so sorry this is so hard for you op. You are doing brilliantly, really you are

You definitely qualify for a support bubble as you have a baby under 1. Have you got someone you can bubble with? It really helped me to have a support bubble.

Hi OP, I have no answers but wanted to let you know you aren’t alone. Almost exactly the same situation here, I have a 5 year old, an 11 week old and DH is a keyworker doing 60 hours a week of night shifts. I’m also still sore from the CS so getting out for exercise is hard work and doesn’t improve things.

Some days I feel like I’m coping ok, other days I feel like you that I’m on the edge of a breakdown and on my knees with tiredness and loneliness.

How tired I am is definitely what makes a lot of the difference in my mood so I would try to prioritise anything you can do to increase the amount of sleep you are getting. As others have said you can absolutely form a support bubble with another household and are eligible for your 5 year old to go to school.

Our school have also said that both parents have to be keyworkers but it is certainly worth approaching your school again if you are really struggling.

My 5 year old is watching hours of tv daily which at this point is unavoidable, but she is safe, happy and will eventually be back in school learning, let’s just hope that day is soon!

Yes I've got a cleaner who comes fortnightly or weekly if I ask her to. That certainly helps. I think what pushed me over the edge was yet another postponement of schools reopening. I was counting days to 22 Feb and now that's no longer viable. They say 31 March but I don't believe it, I think it's going to be before summer if we're lucky and September if we are unlucky. Please tell me what you think! Thank you so much everyone...

It is an incredibly tough situation

Take the day off home learning tomorrow!! I am - I've also had enough.