Page 3 | Reading this website has damaged my mental health during Covid

toocold54 · 11/01/2021 22:22

A few people were lovely, one person told me I was disgrace, and should be talking to the police not after support.

Absolutely disgusting! I just hope they were a troll and don’t actually believe that.

carlaCox · 11/01/2021 22:24

I hear you OP. FWIW I see it as symptomatic of the fact that everyone is feeling so stressed and frustrated and are easily losing their temper. It's no excuse though.

I'd second other people's comments about picking the nicer, calmer corners of MN to peruse. The coronavirus topic is bringing out the crazy in some people!

Beqhet6 · 11/01/2021 22:25

I am so sorry you feel like this.I once posted for “help” / “support “ - felt like topping myself afterwards - so many horrible self righteous so called perfect “women” on here. The admin don’t care - long as they get their ads - please ignore & keep calm & carry on.
💁‍♀️X

tara66 · 11/01/2021 22:25

If yo just say ''black is black'' and ''white is white'' someone will come along to point out your error and ridicule you.

Mmn654123 · 11/01/2021 22:28

@Outseyeder

Firstly I am 100% aware that it is a choice to read any of this website including the Coromavirus section. A short while ago ai posted about mental health difficulties I was having due to lockdown. Amongst supportive posts I was also met with a torrent of patronising, unempathetic messages telling me to get a grip, NHS, WW2 etc. I just want to say to the people that posted this stuff that you made an awful time even worse for me. I would also like to say to the administrators of this site you should have been far quicker to step in before further damage was done. When the nature of some of the posts and their effect on me became clear, I completely stopped reading it myself. Other than this post and possibly follow ups if the thread does not do what so many have done and turn toxic I have not come on here for 3 weeks and will extend this period indefinitely. I dont know any of you and I will never meet you but I wanted to say that amongst positive and helpful posts, this website has allowed some of the absolutely vilest, most sanctimonious and self-righteous toxicity to poison people's mental wellbeing at a time when this was the very last thing many needed. I used to find this a place of enjoyment and support, now, just like the village I live in, it has become a poisoned place full of bitter and aggressive people taking it out on each other.

Did you report the upsetting posts? It’s difficult to expect moderators to spot everything or be immediately responsive. And one persons perception might be that they are being attacked whereas another may see it as healthy debate. A bit harsh to criticise the MN team.

But yes people can be vile. But they can also be kind.

Alex15 · 11/01/2021 22:28

Yes MN is good so long as you never come on cor support the irony is 90% of posters are good it’s just a vocal minority and often they invade threads where the op most needs them not to be there

Duemarch2021 · 11/01/2021 22:32

I agree completely...

I joined mumsnet when my HR advisor in work told me that joining a site like mumsnet may help me with my mental health during pregnancy...

Sometimes it can be helpful but id say the majority of the time there are not very nice people lurking, waiting to judge you like they are bullies sat with nothing better to do...its very sad

JogOnTony · 11/01/2021 22:38

@sashagabadon

Prob best to hide the coronavirus topic completely or just read / post on the good news thread is my advice

Unfortunately I don't think this is any use anymore. MN don't seem to make any effort to keep Covid threads confined to the Covid boards. It's horrible when you're trying to avoid the subject to see it slapped all over the other spaces on here, it makes it impossible.

I'm sorry OP. I agree with you, it's a pit on here at the moment.

Toptotoeunicolour · 11/01/2021 22:39

There is a lot of good in mumsnet, but you have to be very selective about who you listen to. There are plenty of people out there who for reasons best known to themselves enjoy being fairly nasty in a way they would not get away with in real life. Please remember that that says more about them than it does about you. Sorry you have had a hard time OP - please believe there is light at the end of the tunnel.

NiceandCalm · 11/01/2021 22:41

I posted in AIBU for my DP. We couldn't believe the nasty comments that followed. Picking apart every little thing. Even to the extent when we said we'd taken comments on board and did xxx - oh boy, it was still wrong. We were still evil scum in some people's eyes. I reported to MN and the best they could do was to move it to the 30 days only thread, where it gets wiped. It was a lesson learned.
I'm so sorry you've had a difficult time. I'm glad you've spoken out about it.

Gilead · 11/01/2021 22:42

This place can be wonderfully supportive and amazingly shitty. I hope you are coping better than you were. 💐

Catty1720 · 11/01/2021 22:47

It’s so easy sometimes to just focus on the nasty comments though. You might get 100 lovely and 1 horrid and that’s all you focus on.
Some people can make you feel so small and stupid

mumnowformerrockstar · 11/01/2021 22:48

[quote Littlewhitedove2]@mumnowformerrockstar the thing is though that people post on what’s most in their mind / a current issue that’s bothering them. Of course at the moment the number one for almost everyone is coronavirus and the effects! It’s only natural that most posts are about that at the moment.[/quote]
Is there anyway to block an entire topic? I don't have a desk top computer.

Gandalf456 · 11/01/2021 22:58

It can get really out of hand sometimes. I remember posting about struggling with my daughter and her mental health during the first lockdown. She had been doing really well until then when her GCSE's were cancelled and it just threw her completely.

I posted on relationships or somewhere and I got a huge pile on from people without any experience of this issue. One said outright that it was all down to shit parenting. I begged people to stop but they wouldn't so I reported it and HQ did nothing. I did end up pming the one with the shit parent comment with a sarcastic 'you really helped, thanks.'

It did really knock and shock me when I was feeling very vulnerable and had genuinely expected support..HQ need to do far more. I am sorry for everyone who has had a bad experience

Blowingagale · 11/01/2021 23:04

Sorry things are so hard OP. I agree that MN can be very supportive but can also have abrasive vile posts to vulnerable people. I’m beginning to think that we need a full section for Covid- so Covid Chat, Covid MH etc. I’ve seen posters in MH section asked not to post there regarding Covid as it is triggering posters who have hidden Coronavirus section. However that would need strict moderation moving threads for at least a couple of weeks.

I hope you get the help that you need.

yaboo · 11/01/2021 23:48

you can hide topics if they make you feel bad. Lots of people stay away from the 'rona board topics for the same reasons: they don't want to feel out of control, sad, angry, etc. Sorry to hear your mental health is bad. Hope you feel better soon. All this 'rona misery will be over eventually. Hang on in there.

IceIceLazy · 12/01/2021 00:06

I find it a bit sad that MN used to delete Harry & Meghan posts at lightning speed (always citing racism even if critique was aimed at Harry) yet vile things said to real people were left up for ages, even after reporting as PP mentioned. Similarly, horrendous comments aimed at Amber Heard or other public figures (BJ for example though he's very hard to defend now) were also left public and are probably still there if you search for it.

Mumisnotmyonlyname · 12/01/2021 00:10

Definitely mumsnet has some more spiteful, rude or impatient posters these days.

bumblingbovine49 · 12/01/2021 00:18

I have to agree op, I have been on here 16 years and have never seen it so bad. I know many people are scared and/ or angry at the moment but the vitriol in response to what often are fairly innocuous initial posts is breathtaking at the moment.

I have recently installed software on my laptop and an app on my phone to limit the time I spend on the MN website ( 20 mins a day max) . As a result I am sleeping and feeling a lot better and getting more work done

Em777 · 12/01/2021 00:37

I hear you. I’ve definitely found an association between low points in my mental health and visiting this particular sub-forum. I think many of us are wound up tight at the moment and that can spill out in anonymised places like this.

daisychain01 · 12/01/2021 05:15

My fwiw advice, @Outseyeder is to set your expectations realistically .

If you're suffering anxiety/MH problems you need to protect yourself online just as you would IRL. If you post on here, there is no filter on who will read your post, they don't know your RW life, they don't know your background or any of that important detail. All you're doing is exposing yourself to a motley bag of supportive and snarky/unkind comments.

People are not professional MH experts and it's probably expecting a lot from them to resolve anxiety issues. They are often suffering from anxiety and stress themselves, so they are ill-equipped to help others.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/01/2021 10:18

Yes, there is a lot of negativity right now but calling attention to it does seem to perpetuate that cycle. There are still some lovely threads: one recent one about books with over-40 year old female protagonists, another about music that makes you feel happy. I've posted on both - in fact, I owe the first one the list of books I've compiled for them! - and both did actually cheer my day.

Mumsnet is often wonderful when people are in real trouble, or are needing to break the cycle of the abusive situations some members are in. You see the better side of humanity on those threads, sad though some of these women's situations are.

I do think Coronavirus has brought out the worst in a lot of people both on and off the internet. The sanctimony, 'why are people so SELFISH' proclamations, total lack of empathy and self-anointed Covid-policing can be sickening to watch (I don't read the CV thread unless something happens to come up in trending topics). Even in threads where OPs are pointing out awful situations and messed-up family dynamics, someone won't fail to pipe up and say 'but you must have broken The Rules because .... coronavirus!' If nothing else, it's very tedious to witness.

for OP and anyone else whose mental health is suffering. Unfortunately human nature dictates that some of those in that situation will lash out at others. I still believe most won't.

This pandemic feels interminable right now but it is finite. It WILL sometime be over. Until that happens, just take it one day at a time.

rainbowdashsneeze · 12/01/2021 12:50

Here here OP couldn't agree more.

MNHQ

HebeMumsnet · 13/01/2021 09:49

Morning, OP,

We're really sorry to hear you've had a bad experience here.

Just a reminder that we don't tend to see problematic posts unless they're reported to us, but we're always happy to take a look and will delete any posts that are personal attacks or break our guidelines in other ways so please do hit the report button.

Glitterazzi · 13/01/2021 10:12

Totally agree, some of peoples comments I've seen on here are judgemental, condescending and totally inappropriate. Lots of MN's need to wind their necks in...