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Original poster

Stepson's family not following rules

48 replies

LittleKingsmum · 10/01/2021 07:56

Hello all I have been looking for the answer online but I cant find any useful solid info for my situation.
My 10 yo stepson comes to stay with me, husband and my 2 year old every other Monday and every other weekend. I am aware that his family are not following the rules, they have had the grandmother visiting during this lock down (his mum doesnt work so should not need help) . When he was showing covid19 symptoms last year she still sent him to the school for a couple of days until her husband showed symptoms.
I am considering not letting him visit us to avoid any risk to my own baby. Is that against the law? I read something about not having contact if there is anyone showing symptoms. But he could have it and not show symptoms for at least 5 days. What would you do? Thanks

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 10/01/2021 08:00

She is allowed someone to bubble with

Its not your place to decide she doesn't need help

You dont have the right to cut a child off from their father

ShinyGreenElephant · 10/01/2021 08:04

Thats really annoying but sorry, you definitely can't do that. Hes your husband's son and he has a right to see his dad. Your 2yo is not at risk unless clinically vulnerable?

My stepsons mum isn't following the rules either- when we went to drop him off nyd there was clearly still a party going on there with multiple people she definitely doesn't live with, all drunk despite her being pregnant and having a 2yo as well. Gross, but were hardly going to refuse to see him now, its not his fault! We took him back for another night, dropped him off after shed got herself together the next afternoon and hes been back with us this weekend, quite possibly caught it off one of her mates and asymptomatic. But what can we do?

Original poster
LittleKingsmum · 10/01/2021 08:12

Are you her dad by any chance? I am talking about my familys safety. My husband has a heart condition, covid19 could be even more risky for him. Allowing a child with symptoms going to school is risking others. She wouldnt hesitate on risking anyone else.

OP posts:
lilfoxfur · 10/01/2021 08:32

Sorry but you can't do that..

I say this as a sm myself, for 7 years now. My ss8 and SS11 are in school (their dm wfh but is apparently a key worker I'm not sure exactly what she does, works for the council) she says she cannot wfh with them in the house. She also sees all her family, plus I also have an SD12 (nothing 'd' about her) who is off gallivanting with friends every day. It's a massive pain and I do sympathise but you cannot stop a child from seeing their parent, it's so bad for the relationship.

Is there anyway you can have your SS more so that he is not with the dm so often?

MattWanksock · 10/01/2021 08:33

Completely understand your feelings but you just can't do it. It's shit isn't it! Thanks

Could he stay with you for a little while? Maybe until this lockdown ends?

mufffintopandheels · 10/01/2021 08:34

You can't ban your step child from seeing their parent.
Unless your child is clinically very vulnerable they are no more at risk than going to the shops or parents going to work.

HOS8595 · 10/01/2021 08:34

You can’t just stop your step son coming over because you don’t like what he does. His dad is also his parent and his son is his responsibility.

JamieLeesCurtains · 10/01/2021 08:35

Perhaps your DSS could move in with you till your CEV husband is vaccinated.

24HoursInPoliceCustody · 10/01/2021 08:36

You are just horrible.

FirTree31 · 10/01/2021 08:58

There is absolutely no way you can do that. Did you consider for a second the impact on your step son? Imagine being a 10 yo, your whole life turned upside-down, and now you're not allowed to see your father? Would you expect a child to stop seeing their mother during this? As a Father he has as much a right and responsibility.

Wheeling out that his mother sent him to school last year when he had symptoms is very poor form to try and justify your thinking. And she is allowed to have her grandmother visit.

Original poster
LittleKingsmum · 10/01/2021 09:00

My goodness. Thanks for your reponses. It is interesting to see how easily people judge without knowing how badly my husband himself is treated and details of our sitiuation. We did try to get more access to my stepson. Never mind. Hopefully we will survive this. Thanks again

OP posts:
CC2021 · 10/01/2021 09:10

Does grandma live on her own? If so they aren't doing anything wrong by bubbling with her. If he was showing covid symptoms, wouldn't the school have sent him home?

Whilst it's not against the law to stop him coming over (even with a court order they've said either side can prevent contact during covid times if they feel it'll put their health at risk), I wouldn't do it personally. I'm a SM of a 9 year old and I know how frustrating it is when you feel the other household isn't following the rules but it's not your SS's fault. Unfortunately as SM's we just have to put up with a lot of rubbish. How does your DH feel?

RoseMartha · 10/01/2021 09:13

OP I think that there seems more to this than you posted and if there was more information in your first post there might have been different responses.

Is there more to this that you feel you could share here?

Has dss definitely had covid?

His grandmother might well be in their bubble for reasons you do not know.

BilboBercow · 10/01/2021 09:25

OP how long would you be considered banning your SS from seeing his own father? Restrictions could go on for many more months.

Theunamedcat · 10/01/2021 10:06

@LittleKingsmum

Are you her dad by any chance? I am talking about my familys safety. My husband has a heart condition, covid19 could be even more risky for him. Allowing a child with symptoms going to school is risking others. She wouldnt hesitate on risking anyone else.
Whose dad? Your stepson dad? Or your stepson grandad?

Symptoms are and always have been subjective thats why it spreads so easily

FabulousIAm · 22/01/2021 10:12

There's a lot of very ignorant comments on here from people who obviously aren't very well informed. OP this link should help .www.judiciary.uk/announcements/covid-19-national-guidance-for-the-family-court-message-from-president-of-the-family-divison/

FabulousIAm · 22/01/2021 10:14

Apologies - wrong link. This is the correct link: www.judiciary.uk/announcements/coronavirus-crisis-guidance-on-compliance-with-family-court-child-arrangement-orders/

Fufumuji · 22/01/2021 10:15

I am considering not letting him visit us to avoid any risk to my own baby

And does his father get anything to say about it? You're not wrong to be worried about it, but if you decide whether your husband sees his child, and he lets you, you have other serious problems.

SD1978 · 22/01/2021 10:31

Did they have COVID or did they have colds- you fail to mention that. Is grandparent on their own and therefore entitled to a support bubble? I'm afraid that whilst I understand concerned, you're also not maybe coming across the best with this- is your husband happy seeing his sin, and to continue his limited time with his as it is currently, and the anxiety is all on your part, or is your husband also concerned? As so far, the two examples you've given at to why they are rule breakers, do seem quite mild

MadameButterface · 22/01/2021 10:39

They’re allowed to be a bubble with the grandma, and what happened last year is a moot point as presumably he is not in school now. A 10yo homeschooling from a bubble with his grandma is less of a risk to your 2yo than you and your dh going in and out of supermarkets, and whatever other unavoidable risks happen as part of normal life.

Original poster
LittleKingsmum · 22/01/2021 10:45

I can't possibly give all details here. There is history of his mum not caring for her own son, using her son to upset my husband, loose financially etc. etc. I am not really trying to avoid seeing him. Just wondered if there was a way of forcing her to be extra careful and it all came out wrong. I actually help the poor boy more than his own mum when I do see him. Please Do not respond anymore. Some of your judgemental responses have been unhelpful and very upsetting. We are still seeing him so no need to worry yourselves. Thanks

OP posts:
Indecisive12 · 22/01/2021 12:20

This isn’t your decision to make, it’s your DH’s. And if your SS’s Mum is so awful to him why would you want him to be there permanently with no respite with his Dad?
I understand you’re worried but he is an innocent child.

Princessbanana · 22/01/2021 12:35

Would there be anyway he could stay with you and your DH for a few weeks until the numbers go down? That way he’s not visiting everyone with his mother. I don’t blame you one bit, it sounds like this child’s mother is a bit brain dead if she is going around visiting and sent him to school with symptoms previously. 🤦‍♀️

InterfectoremVulpes · 22/01/2021 12:35

You can't berate people for being judgmental when you are literally asking people to be judgemental 🤦🏼‍♀️

sodalite · 22/01/2021 12:38

I think you need to think IF you and your dh separated and your 2 year old went to see your child's new stepmother and your ex, would you feel it appropriate for contact to stop if your dh new wife decided she wants it that way for her own reasons?