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Covid

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Original poster

Stepson's family not following rules

48 replies

LittleKingsmum · 10/01/2021 07:56

Hello all I have been looking for the answer online but I cant find any useful solid info for my situation.
My 10 yo stepson comes to stay with me, husband and my 2 year old every other Monday and every other weekend. I am aware that his family are not following the rules, they have had the grandmother visiting during this lock down (his mum doesnt work so should not need help) . When he was showing covid19 symptoms last year she still sent him to the school for a couple of days until her husband showed symptoms.
I am considering not letting him visit us to avoid any risk to my own baby. Is that against the law? I read something about not having contact if there is anyone showing symptoms. But he could have it and not show symptoms for at least 5 days. What would you do? Thanks

OP posts:

LittleKingsmum · 22/01/2021 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sargass0 · 22/01/2021 13:09

@LittleKingsmum
bye then

Indecisive12 · 22/01/2021 13:18

There is no abuse???

Freddiefox · 22/01/2021 13:24

I think it’s really tough when you are in step families/blended families and you have no control over the situation. You have my sympathy.

Calmandmeasured1 · 22/01/2021 13:45

If your stepson's grandmother lives alone then she does not have to need help in order to form a support bubble with them. The support is social, psychological etc because it is much harder for single adults who are alone. If they have formed a support bubble they are now considered to be one household.

They did ignore the rules by sending your stepson to school with symptoms though. They should not have done that.

It wouldn't be appropriate to not have your stepson around to protect your baby. What message would that send to him? He will feel less important to his father than your baby and that should not be the case. What does your husband think of your idea? I hope he would want to see his son. You cannot just drop parental responsibilities and pick them back up again when you feel like it.

You talk about asymptomatic transmission from your stepson but have you considered you could contract the virus and asymptomatically pass it to others?

Watermama · 22/01/2021 13:48

What does your husband say?

Calmandmeasured1 · 22/01/2021 13:53

OP, you need to address particular posters if you have a problem with them. I haven't seen any nasty or abusive posts. I think you are misinterpreting responses because people don't agree with what you want to do.

Your husband should continue to see his child. How would you feel if he didn't want to see your shared child because he didn't want to risk them catching Covid and pass it on to him?

sadpapercourtesan · 22/01/2021 13:55

I've read the entire thread, and I can't see:

any justification at all for stopping your stepson from seeing his father as normal
any abusive posts or comments nasty enough to warrant your aggressive behaviour

Crookairroad · 22/01/2021 13:57

@LittleKingsmum

You are so fucking nasty. I was asking for help not abuse. Stop it or i will open my mouth more. I dont care about being blocked. Had enough.

You are doing yourself absolute no favors behaving like this OP.

Your stepson is 10. 10. Think about that please and what stopping him from seeing his dad will do. It’s not up to you either.

NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 22/01/2021 14:03

Apart from the poster who called your horrible without inputting any reasoning behind that statement, or empathy for your situation no one is being abusive.

The situation with the grandmother could be explained, childcare bubble, if GM is a single person etc. The school situation is worrying but has passed, presumably they would inform you if the child was ill before sending him to you?

I appreciate you're angry with your SS mother for historical events but do not take this out on the child. What does your husband want to do? I assume he wants to see his child? It is him home as well and it is not unreasonable to allow the child to move between two homes.

As another poster said, the child is 10 and will be fully aware that you're basically choosing to 'protect' your baby and not allowing him in the home or to see his dad. This could have lasting consequences for the child, please think about this before you make any rash decisions.

Mittens030869 · 22/01/2021 14:54

I do understand the anxiety. I have long Covid and I worry about my DH catching the virus (he he's 55 and has asthma). We were offered places at school for our DDs of 11 (year 7) and 8 (they're adopted and therefore vulnerable). I was very uncomfortable about them going because of the possible risk to my DH. But with me not up to much and him needing to WFH (and returning to work after being off sick with stress for 2 months) and DD1 having SEN and needing a high level of attention, we had no choice.

In the end, I left the decision to my DH. He's the one who is at risk, as I'm unlikely to be as badly affected a second time. He decided that the girls should be in school. It really helped me once I'd let go of the responsibility for the decision.

In your case, OP, it's your DH who is at risk not your DD. (You'd have had a kinder response if you'd mentioned the risk to him rather than your two year old, who is not at risk). It's your DH who is vulnerable and it's his DS, so it really has to be his decision on this one.

Cloverforever · 22/01/2021 15:10

This behaviour is exactly what gives stepmothers a bad name.

BingBongToTheMoon · 22/01/2021 15:19

Unless you’re pregnant and haven’t said, you don’t have a baby...you have a 2 year old child!
You are being VERY unreasonable here......VERY.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 22/01/2021 16:25

Chill out Maleficent!

PerfectPenquins · 22/01/2021 16:33

Not meaning this to come across as mean, however youve fallen into the trap of considering punishing the child for behaviors of his parent that you do not like. You can not force his mum to do anything, there seems to be an element of looking for control here but you can not control her. If the grandmother lives alone then she can form a bubble with her daughter. You don't say if she is alone though.
In all honestly you say she is so bad yet your husband doesn't have much contact to reflect that.
You can however control your own home so keeping it clean, you all washing your hands, keeping indoors during lockdown etc.
I see your still having your step son over so try and enjoy that and not dwell on things you can not control.

Mittens030869 · 22/01/2021 16:33

I don't think the OP will be back. She certainly flounced off in a temper earlier on.

AliceinBunniland · 22/01/2021 16:37

I understand what you're saying OP.

Is it only her mum she is seeing? If so that's probably not a big risk but if more than that then your DP needs to speak to his ex if he is vulnerable. If she is already seem her mum and her son comes to yours then that's enough households mixing.

Mumsnet is not kind to step mums so the results could be skewed but personally I do agree that it's not fair for people to ignore the rules and put others at risk.

PoppiesinOctober · 22/01/2021 16:46

@LittleKingsmum

I can't possibly give all details here. There is history of his mum not caring for her own son, using her son to upset my husband, loose financially etc. etc. I am not really trying to avoid seeing him. Just wondered if there was a way of forcing her to be extra careful and it all came out wrong. I actually help the poor boy more than his own mum when I do see him. Please Do not respond anymore. Some of your judgemental responses have been unhelpful and very upsetting. We are still seeing him so no need to worry yourselves. Thanks

Flounce away.

Don't ask questions if you don't want honest responses.

Gregoryrowling · 22/01/2021 16:50

I’m afraid you just have to breathe and let it go!

A skill you will need to practice if you want a successful blended family.

faerin · 22/01/2021 16:55

You HAVE to be a troll.

No person could be this revolting, surely?

EsmeeMerlin · 22/01/2021 17:02

Of course you can’t stop your stepson coming over, the fact is your dh has a responsibility to him and cannot just walk away from parenting because of Covid.

The risk to your 2 year old is very small. I have just recovered from covid as has my dh who caught it from work. Our youngest son who is also 2 tested positive and just had a dodgy tummy for 2 days and was a little bit snotty. That’s it. Children are very unlikely to become seriously ill with Covid.

Mittens030869 · 22/01/2021 17:10

It's the OP's DH, her DSS's dad, who is vulnerable. She drip fed this in a subsequent post, but it makes sense of why she might be anxious. But it's down to him to decide this in conjunction with his ex as to when his DSS comes to stay. Not the OP.

AnxiousSM · 22/01/2021 18:35

You will never get a reasonable response from MN, perhaps with the exception of the step family threads.

You don’t sound particularly unreasonable of course you’re concerned about your own family. I have a similar situation where my SCs mother doesn’t stick to any rules and I have to share my home with her children passing on her risks.

But you will just get accused of being an evil step mother. You can’t win but I hear you.

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